


A long Road

by FromBenToSherlock



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Background Roxlin, Eggsy & Roxy Bromance, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Harry Hart Lives, Harry Lives, Harry is injured, Hartwin, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Merlin and Harry are bros, Nightmares, Oblivious Eggsy, Oblivious Harry, Pining Eggsy, Pining Harry, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 60,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4090927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromBenToSherlock/pseuds/FromBenToSherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry survived V-Day, but the road to recovery is not easy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Battle is won

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom, constructive criticism is always welcome. Also, i don't know yet where this fic will lead me, so the Tags and Rating might change during the process.
> 
> My deepest gratitude goes to my beloved Beta-Reader Lena, thanks for keeping up with me:)

The city rushed past him in a blur. Everything that had happened in the past few hours was a disordered chain of pictures and events in Eggsy’s head, every single memory popping up just to fade for another image to take its place. here was Arthur, ordering him to shoot JB, Merlin showing him his Kingsman gear, Valentine whom he had killed himself with one of those razor-sharp knife-legs he had taken from Gazelle.

And then there was the image of Harry, slumped down on the ground where Valentine had shot him in front of the church. he scenario replayed itself again and again in Eggsy’s head and he couldn’t find a way to put a halt to it or to change what had happened.

Eggsy had been sitting in Harry’s office after he had failed to shoot his dog, after he had ruined everything he had worked for. Harry had wanted him to wait there until he would return to ‘sort this mess out’. his had been Harry’s last words to Eggsy, filled with disappointment and rising anger.

He had disappointed Harry, and there was no way for Eggsy to undo this. Harry had died filled with disappointment and it was Eggsy’s fault and his fault alone. He felt his eyes burning with rising tears and couldn’t care less about who might see him cry. He had lost his mentor, his role model, a person Eggsy had truly admired and trusted beyond reason.

After seeing Harry die, Eggsy had just worked like a machine. All he had had in mind was to avenge Harry’s death. On the outside he had appeared nothing but calm and determined, but on the inside there had been a raging storm no one could possibly stop. He had wanted to end Valentine, to tear him apart, had wanted to reduce him to something smaller than nothingness. What Eggsy had done to kill Valentine had been efficient, yes, but it had not been enough to satisfy the tremendous hatred that still filled his mind.

It had not been enough, not even close. What he had done simply did not match the deal Harry had meant to him and Eggsy thought it wasn’t fair that he hadn’t had enough time with Harry.Despite the fact that Eggsy did barely know anything at all about Harry’s private life he had felt a connection to his mentor right from the beginning. It was something he could not even explain; it had just felt natural, like a force drawing him towards Harry whenever he was near. Now that this force could no longer work, that there was no gravitation Eggsy felt drawn to, he felt empty. He felt, like he had lost everything.

But that was not quite true. Although Eggsy had failed his final test, the task Arthur had set him, he was a Kingsman now. He had finally reached the goal he had aimed for ever since he had met Harry Hart for the first time, had seen him fight in that little pub, knocking out a group of more than five illiterate chav buffoons alone and Eggsy found he could not care less. He now had all what he ever wanted, he had a purpose, the possibility to really make a change for himself and his family, but he would happily give all of this up again if that would bring Harry back from the dead. 

But Harry Hart was dead, and he will still be dead tomorrow and the day after, there was no way to change that, so Eggsy had to move on somehow. He had to find a way to manage whatever he would be facing as soon as the cab, which currently brought him to the headquarters, had reached its destination. Merlin would be there; he would find a way to keep Eggsy as much out of the way as possible. Merlin will know and he won’t lose a single word about it, he will leave Eggsy to himself to grieve and will summon him only when it’s inevitable. hey were human, after all, although they always liked to pretend otherwise. Every single Kingsman will be devastated and although none of them will show it, they will all be mourning Harry’s early and unexpected death.

Eggsy was looking out of the window of the cab, now paying attention to the area the driver was currently navigating them through and he became painfully aware of the fact that he had nearly reached his destination. he sudden realisation hit him off-guard. He didn’t know how to face this, he didn’t know how to get out of the cab and step into headquarters knowing that Harry definitely won’t be there. Eggsy wasn’t prepared for this, he knew how to kill people, how to knock them out, he knew how to get out of every imaginable dangerous situation unharmed, but he didn’t know how to get out of this without being damaged beyond repair.

He found himself wishing that he wasn’t alone, and although he wanted to be nothing but let alone, he craved a reassuring presence at his side. He wished at least JB would be with him as Eggsy, despite JB’s lack of a terrifying set of teeth and his overall cuddly appearance, was incredibly fond of his dog. Yes, Eggsy had wanted a bulldog in the first place and he had been a bit disappointed when he had realized that JB would not grow as big as Eggsy had planned, but they had managed to stick together, JB had always been a good company and had never let him down. Eggsy would never have been able to shoot his little friend and he was proud to say so, harming an innocent animal was not what Eggsy deemed gentlemanly. But thinking about these matters made no sense at all, he was alone; JB was still in Eggsy’s room, waiting for him to return. here are some walks you have to walk alone.

With this in mind he braced himself as he made out the outline of Kingsman headquarters in front of him. Only a few moments of solitary, then he would be back to the house he had learned to call his home. Eggsy took a quick glance in the mirror, untangled his dishevelled mess of hair and briefly cleaned his glasses for they were smeared with the remainders of the tears he had shed. he cab came to a halt in front of the door of Kingsman headquarters and Eggsy took one last reassuring glance in the mirror and straightened his tie. He still looked devastated but it will do for the sake of appearance. With a shaky breath, Eggsy, the newest Kingsman, opened the door and got out of the car.


	2. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy doesn't know how to deal with everything

Eggsy just stood there for some moments, taking in the impressions. The sand-brown Victorian manor rose up out of the well-tended green space just like it always did. Everything seemed to be calm and reserved, but Eggsy knew better. He knew that inside it would be busy like in a beehive. Even if there was no movement outside on the grounds and no one walking the floors inside the manor, Eggsy knew that headquarters were never calm. Everything looked so normal, so ordinary, but that was a lie. Nothing was normal, everything had changed and it would never be the same again. He looked around one last time, trying to take in some of the calmness surrounding him to brace him and climbed the stairs to open the doors to the entrance hall.

 

When he stepped inside, Eggsy nearly felt overwhelmed by the silence. He had thought it would have been terrible to pass all those people who normally ran around these halls, with them knowing what had happened and because of that staring at Eggsy like he was going to shatter into pieces any moment, but he had been wrong. People staring at him would have been horrible, but the silence was unbearable. With nothing to distract him from his surroundings, Eggsy walked through these halls on the way to his room and was haunted by the memories that momentarily filled his head.

 

He thought of the first time he had entered the manor, overwhelmed by all the sensations from the day, not knowing what he had gotten himself into. He had just met Harry and had seen him fight with such casual elegance that Eggsy would have done anything to be just like him. Of course, being just like Harry had never been an option for someone like Eggsy, but he wanted to get as close as possible. So, he had followed Harry into a new life full of possibilities Eggsy had never considered for himself.

 

Even now, after all those months of training, after his journey of becoming a true gentleman where he had met so many exciting people and had learned all these fantastic things, most of his memories of this place involved Harry. Eggsy felt him everywhere, in the soft carpets under his feet, in every smooth surface his hands came to touch. Although he knew that the manor must be cramped with people right now, it felt distressingly empty without Harry, like a body with all the organs and the blood, but without a soul bringing it to life.

 

Eggsy climbed another set of stairs and found himself in front of his own room without knowing how he had gotten there. Apparently, he had only been semi-conscious while he had been walking through the manor. He fished in his pockets and finally found the keys to open the door to his private room. JB, who had heard the sound of jangling keys and recognized them as his owner’s, scratched at the door, obviously happy about Eggsy’s return. When he opened the door, JB looked up at Eggsy, his tiny tongue hanging out of his mouth, his round eyes growing even bigger when they only focussed on Eggsy. Eggsy stepped into his room and closed the door behind him, and then he just stood there and took a deep breath.

 

He was alone now; he somehow had managed to get into his room without being noticed, although Eggsy deemed that improbable. Merlin must know. He had just decided not to begrudge him his solitude for the time being and Eggsy was really thankful for this time he had been given. Eggsy tried to calm his mind, tried to shut down all the images that flooded his brain. He walked over to his wardrobe to change into something more comfortable and found that it had been expanded. There now were more suits in it and every single one would undoubtedly be a perfect fit.

 

Eggsy suddenly felt the strange urge to touch what he was seeing there, so he lifted his hand and let it glide over every single suit, trying to feel and distinguish the different textures of the material, savouring the feeling of the exquisite fabrics against his skin. He wanted to show them to Harry and ask him which shirt and which shoes would go best with which suit on a certain occasion. Harry would have known. Eggsy closed his eyes, his hand still resting on one of his suits, and for a brief moment he pretend this was one of Harry’s suits, with Harry still in it, wearing it, alive and well. He pressed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples with his knuckles. No, he definitely had to stop this; he had to stop thinking about Harry.

 

He had to keep his shit together, for all it was worth, but staying calm became more and more difficult. He looked over to his bed where JB had settled down on his pillow on the foot of the bed, obviously not aware of the battle that currently took place in Eggsy’s head and decided to settle down for a bit. As soon as Eggsy reached his bed and lay down, JB stood up and trotted over to him to cuddle into the crook of Eggsy’s neck like he had done when he had been a puppy although he now was far too big to fit in there comfortably.

 

Eggsy felt the warmth of JB’s body next to his face, the soft texture of his fur and suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the emotions he had suppressed in the last hours. Harry was gone, he would never come back. Eggsy repeated this sentence over and over in his head and between the third and fourth time, the tears came.

 

At first, he cried silently, the tears just ran down his face to collect in JB’s fur. Subconsciously, Eggsy had shuffled even closer to his dog and had buried his face into the softness of the pug’s furred skin. Holding JB in his arms Eggsy felt like he tried to cling to the last remaining constants in his life and he could not care less. That was when the sobbing came. Eggsy just lay there, the pug in his arms, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.

 

He didn’t know how long he had stayed there like this; it could have been minutes or hours but at some point JB shifted in his arms and turned towards the door. That was when Eggsy heard a voice, soft and low, intending not to disturb or alarm him too much.

 

‘Eggsy?’

 

Merlin. Eggsy knew that, sooner or later, Merlin would come to talk to him in private; he just wasn’t ready to face reality like that. But, on the other hand, Eggsy didn’t think that he ever would be ready for this kind of talk with Merlin, he would endure it now so that he would be left to himself after that.

 

‘Eggsy, can I come in?’

 

Eggsy lifted his head to look at Merlin and found him still standing in the doorway. The magician’s brow was furrowed in sympathy and Eggsy suddenly realized that he wasn’t the only one who suffered from a tragic loss.

 

‘Yeah, sure. Come in, but please shut the door again’

 

He struggled through the whole sentence. His voice was hoarse and thick from crying and what he had just said was barely audible but somehow Merlin seemed to manage to find a meaning in Eggsy’s bundle of indistinguishable sounds.

 

‘Of course, Eggsy’

 

Merlin stepped into Eggsy’s room and closed the door as carefully as if he was afraid that it would break if he handled it too roughly. He just stood there, watching Eggsy for a few brief moments before sitting down on the bed next to him. He seemed unsure whether it was appropriate for him to sit down on Eggsy’s bed in such a situation, but in the end it wasn’t important and Eggsy didn’t care at all. As much as Eggsy had learned to value manners, something Harry had taught him as well, this situation demanded a special set of rules.

 

Eggsy tried to sit up a bit, he didn’t want to be pitied or coddled by Merlin, so he tried to look at least a little bit more in control, although his swollen eyes, the reddened lips and his wet face did nothing to strengthen this image of himself. But again, he found that he couldn’t care less. Merlin knew what he felt like although he didn’t express it like Eggsy did. So, Eggsy just tried to straighten up a bit, he folded his legs underneath him and JB, maybe in an attempt to protect his distressed owner, placed himself in Eggsy’s lap and faced Merlin so he could observe him.

 

‘He really likes you, your dog, I mean. He’s trying to protect you, now that he’s feeling that you aren’t well’

 

He knew that Merlin only meant well when he tried some small talk to make Eggsy more comfortable, but Eggsy could not really appreciate the thought. He desperately wanted this to be over, so he couldn’t hide the slightly sharp edge in his voice.

 

‘Are you really here to talk about my dog? If that is the case, you could’ve done it earlier, ya know? Or maybe could’ve just fuckin’ waited until I’m finished with wailing like a bloody child?’

 

As soon as those words left his lips, he regretted them. It wasn’t Merlin’s fault that Eggsy felt what he felt. The only person to blame was Valentine and Eggsy had made sure that he would pay the price for taking Harry Hart’s life. He just had not been prepared for the finality of Merlin’s words.

 

‘I – I am sorry Merlin. Listen, I’m, I mean I didn’t mean to be an arsehole. It’s just; I don’t know, I just don’t know how to deal with him being dead. He’s just gone and, yeah…’

 

Towards the end, Eggsy’s voice became thicker again. Although he had just stopped crying, his eyes stung again when new tears began to rise. But he had to say something, he had to tell someone how he felt or he would burst.

 

‘Okay, sorry, I’m just, you know, mad and frustrated and sad and I don’t know what else. I can’t even explain. I just can’t accept that he’s dead, that was not how it was planned, this just isn’t right, it’s-‘

 

Before Eggsy got too wound up, Merlin put a hand on his shoulder. Somehow, Eggsy got the impression that Merlin understood what he wanted to say but was too distressed to say, so he stopped. Instead, Merlin started to talk and whatever he had to say, it did not seem to be easy to explain.

 

‘Yes, Eggsy, I most certainly understand. It’s just, well, concerning Harry’s death, there is something I should tell you’

 


	3. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Eggsy found out what really happened and felt betrayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think, I always appreciate further ideas and criticism:)

‘YOU…HE…WHAT?!’

 

Eggsy could neither form a coherent thought nor could he possibly stop himself from yelling at Merlin. Merlin, on the other hand, stayed calm. He surely had expected this kind of reaction from Eggsy and just sat there and endured whatever Eggsy would have to say.

 

‘I know, Eggsy, this might be a lot to take in, but you have to know-‘

 

‘I’ve to know WHAT, Merlin? Ya jus’ told me Harry’s alive and say it’s a lot to take in? You lied to me! You fucking left me in the illusion that Harry was dead and now you’re sittin’ here, lookin’ at me like an innocent child tellin’ me he’s alive an’ injured and-‘

 

With that, Eggsy’s voice broke again. It simply was too much. Only a few moments before he had lain there on his bed and had mourned Harry’s death, letting out all the emotions he had swallowed when he had been on his mission to kill Valentine, and now Merlin was sitting there in front of him and told him that Harry wasn’t dead. How was this even possible?

 

‘I mean, how? I’ve seen it! With my own eyes! Valentine shot him… and there was so much blood…’

 

His voice was a mere whisper, which occasionally was interrupted by the sobs he could not hold back. Eggsy didn’t know what to feel, what to do, how to react anymore. He just wanted to curl up on his bed and keep weeping. But Harry was alive; there still was the chance that he would come back, so Eggsy decided that he had to keep it together.

 

‘Yes, there was much blood, and it really was his blood. As I said, Eggsy, he really is gravely injured. Valentine only missed by millimetres. Luckily, he obviously has a tremendous disgust for blood and shedding it, otherwise Harry would definitely be dead now. He lost a lot of blood and we don’t know yet, if and when he will wake up again. And we don’t know how much his injure will affect him, and if he will ever-‘

 

Eggsy knew he had to know what happened to Harry, but he actually didn’t want to think about what could happen.

 

‘Stop it, Merlin, just stop it. We can’t afford to think about this right now. Harry’s alive, that’s the only thing that matters. Where is he? Can I see him?’

 

Merlin hesitated. He only could imagine how devastated Eggsy had been and although he had seen Eggsy’s condition, which had been beyond anything Merlin had imagined, when he entered the younger man’s room, Merlin thought that maybe visiting Harry could make it worse. The mixed feelings clearly showed on the magician’s face as Eggsy immediately tried to convince him.

 

‘Please, Merlin. I just don’t know what to do, I can’t just sit here and wait until something happens. I need to see him, only a few moments. I need to see him breathe; I need to see that his heart is still beating. My last memory of him is the one where he is slumped to the ground because a bullet just hit his head and it’s wrecking me. I need to erase this memory, I really need to…’

 

Eggsy realized that he was begging by now and rather stopped than making a complete fool out of himself. Harry would surely shake his head and would tell him that ‘manners maketh men’ and that pleading wasn’t gentlemanly at all, but Eggsy couldn’t hold it back. Merlin looked at Eggsy carefully, taking in an overall impression of the boy who was now sitting in front of him.

 

He looked even younger than he had the day his training had begun. His eyes and lips were still swollen from crying and there were red patches, probably a symptom of stress, all over the pale skin of his face and neck. Maybe it was a good idea to bring Eggsy to the hospital. He could see Harry and maybe a doctor would have a quick look at Eggsy and give him something so he would at least sleep a few hours.

 

‘Okay Eggsy, you can see him, but I have certain conditions’

 

As soon as the ‘but’ has left his lips, Merlin could see how Eggsy’s expression fell. At first there even had been the hint of a smile, the prospect of seeing Harry again after he had thought him dead clearly had been encouraging, but Eggsy seemed to know that Merlin’s restrictions would not be what he had imagined.

 

‘Firstly, as soon as I think you are too overwhelmed by all of this, we will go and return to the manor immediately. Although he is alive, Harry is in a tremendously bad condition and it may be a shock for you to see him like that and I won’t have you suffer from another emotional shock today. And secondly, we will have a doctor take a look at you. You may feel physically fine but today must have been as exhausting for you as it has been for me, probably even more so, so, you will be thoroughly checked there. Any objections?’

 

Of course, Eggsy had objections, he didn’t want a doctor to check him as there was nothing wrong with him other than the violent urge to see Harry, but he also knew better than to try negotiating with Merlin. The magician’s gaze was so intense, Eggsy feared it might bore through his forehead and into his brain and Eggsy had no choice but to submit to everything Merlin wanted. Eggsy was willing to do anything to be with Harry again.

 

‘I- Okay, I will do whatever you want me to do as long as we go as soon as possible’

 

Eggsy could only suspect how pathetic he must sound, but he couldn’t be bothered with this now. Harry was more important than maintaining his dignity.

 

Merlin sighed. The magician knew Eggsy had only agreed with his restrictions because he wanted to see Harry so badly and although Merlin already expected that this fight wasn’t over yet he couldn’t hide a little smile when he stood up to make the arrangements to bring Eggsy to the hospital. Harry had always been exceedingly fond of Eggsy and as it seemed, these feelings were mutual.

 

‘Be ready in 15 minutes, I will arrange everything and we will go to the hospital’

 

‘Yes, sure, I’ll be ready. Thank you Merlin, thank you so much!’

 

‘You’re welcome, Eggsy. But keep my words in mind, as soon as I think you’ve had enough, we will go right back’

 

With that, Merlin left Eggsy’s room to fetch a driver. Although he didn’t know if this was the best idea he ever had, Merlin was glad he decided to take Eggsy to the hospital to see Harry. When he had first entered Eggsy’s room, he had thought that the boy had been broken, unsure whether or not he ever will recover from what he had witnessed. But the chance to see Harry gave Merlin a glimpse of the former Eggsy, like he had been when he had arrived in the first place.

 

Eggsy was nervous, only 15 minutes to go. What will he do with all this time? Maybe he should change, but actually no one would disapprove of him being dressed comfortably, so he decided against it. He would just go to the bathroom and splash some cool water into his face; maybe it would reduce the swelling around his eyes.

 

13 minutes later, Eggsy was ready and waited in the manor’s entrance hall for Merlin to come down. When Merlin arrived a couple of minutes later and saw Eggsy waiting, he was slightly surprised.

 

‘Oh, you’re here? I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have thought you’d be waiting already’

 

‘Well, isn’t being punctual what a gentleman deems adequate?’

 

‘This sounded as if Harry was talking through you’

 

Eggsy blushed and looked down at his shoes. If Merlin only knew how much this meant to Eggsy.

 

‘Did it?’

 

‘Yes, it did. It’s remarkable how much you have changed Eggsy. I’m very proud of you, and I know Harry is as well’

 

Merlin smiled mildly at Eggsy, amused by how much this conversation affected him. The magician really understood why Harry had always been fond of that boy in front of him.

 

‘Well then, let us get into the car outside’

 

They had spent the first 20 minutes of the cab ride in silence, both sensing the tension rising as the distance to the hospital dwindled. None of them knew what they would see when they entered Harry’s room. Of course, Merlin had read the report the hospital had sent him, but seeing it with his own eyes would be worse, it would become real and for the first time in a very long period Merlin was afraid. Afraid, that he wouldn’t be able to handle the sight of Harry in such a bad condition, afraid that Eggsy wouldn’t be able to do so, afraid, that Harry would stay in said condition for the rest of his life.

 

Of course, he could not let Eggsy see how terrified he really was, the poor boy had suffered more than enough and needed support now. He continued wearing his mask, trying really hard not to let it slip away. Merlin concentrated so hard on this task that, when Eggsy finally broke the silence, he nearly jumped in his seat.

 

‘How did you find out?’

 

Eggsy’s voice was calm and unsure as if he wasn’t certain he really wanted to hear the answer.

 

‘How did I find out what?’

 

‘How did you find out that he was still alive? You’ve been with me the whole time after he’s been shot’

 

‘The agent who was sent to, well, to retrieve his body. He told me that as soon as he bent down to Harry, he grabbed his wrist and the agent knew he must be alive. So he called the ambulance and texted me right afterwards’

 

‘When did you get the message?’

 

‘He sent it when we were on our way to Valentine, to be honest’

 

‘He did what? You’ve lied to me the whole time? You knew the whole fuckin’ time an’ you didn’ tell me?’

 

Merlin had seen this coming, he knew Eggsy would be upset about the truth, but Merlin thought it was better Eggsy learned the truth rather sooner than later.

 

‘I know you must be upset Eggsy, but-‘

 

‘Ohh yes, frickin’ upset is exactly what I am! How could you do that?’

 

Merlin desperately tried to fight the headache that slowly crept up the back of his head. He couldn’t let Eggsy get to upset, not now.

 

‘It was essential, Eggsy! Just imagine: How would you have acted if you knew Harry was alive? I’ll tell you: You would’ve been worried constantly, would’ve paid less attention than you actually did, wouldn’t have been as determined to kill Valentine as you were. I know you are really upset, Eggsy, but I will not allow you to criticize the decision I made!’

 

It was only when he stopped talking that Merlin realized that he had raised his voice. He immediately regretted that when he saw that Eggsy had shrunk down in his seat and stared at Merlin with his eyes blown wide.

 

‘I know, you’re right Merlin, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do with all the tension inside me; I can’t focus and can’t form a coherent thought. It’s jus’- I’m sorry, okay?’

 

Seeing Merlin like this was an odd and unusual experience. To Eggsy, the magician had always been a constant calm presence in the manor, but apparently even Merlin could lose his temper and this was the point where Eggsy realized it would be best to just shut up.

 

‘It’s okay, Eggsy, I’m sorry, too. It was a rough day for both of us and we shouldn’t start to fight just now. If you want to, I will explain everything later, when we’re back at the manor. But for now we should maybe concentrate on the task ahead, shouldn’t we?’

 

‘Yeah, righ’’

 

And with this, the two spent the remaining time of the cab ride in silence, both determined to keep themselves under control as the hospital came into view.

 


	4. Deadly Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy finally arrives at the hospital and gets to see Harry again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took longer than intended. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless:)

When Merlin and Eggsy arrived at the hospital, Eggsy was about to implode with too much nervous energy. He had never seen someone being injured like that, especially not someone who was of such importance to him. What will he look like? Will he look like he’s sleeping or will he look like he’s dead? These and more questions popped up in Eggsy’s head and he couldn’t answer a single one of them.

 

After the driver had pulled into the car park, Eggsy and Merlin just had to walk 2 minutes until they stood in front of the hospital. As Eggsy took in the sight in front of him, he could feel his stomach turn. The hospital looked new and professional, but also cold and clinical and anything but inviting. This wasn’t where someone like Harry belonged, he would look completely misplaced.

 

Merlin looked at Eggsy, searching for a sign of confirmation. The boy deserved every time in the world to adjust to this situation, so Merlin was determined to give it to him. After a minute, Eggsy turned to Merlin and gave him a small nod, signalling that he was ready to go in and face whatever waited there.

 

After they stepped through the front doors, Merlin led the way to the information desk to ask the way that led to Harry’s room and the first thing Eggsy noticed was the smell. It smelled like antiseptics, illness and death, which made Eggsy’s stomach turn even more. The woman behind the counter looked at them conspicuously while typing something on the keyboard of her computer, but didn’t say a word until she had found the room number in the system. Normally, no one except the patient’s family would be allowed to visit someone in such a bad condition, but Eggsy was sure that Merlin had his ways to get what he wanted, so Eggsy didn’t bother to ask.

 

They walked to the end of the corridor together, both lost in their own thoughts again until they reached the lifts. Harry’s room was on the 7th floor, so the lift ride wasn’t long. Eggsy had never liked lifts particularly but now he felt like he might throw up, his stomach was still all twisted with a mix of agony and anticipation and he felt slightly dizzy, the uncertainty of all this clearly took it out of him.

 

The moments the lift’s door opened and Eggsy read the sign hanging above the station’s doors, his expression fell. Intensive care unit. Harry’s room was in the ICU. Merlin stepped out of the lift and Eggsy wanted to follow suit, but his legs didn’t react; he was frozen, still gaping at the sign in front of him. How didn’t he think about this? Harry had been shot in the head, for fuck’s sake; of course he would be in the intensive care unit, but seeing it made it real.

 

Merlin turned around when he registered that Eggsy wasn’t following and he knew something was wrong. The boy stood there like a statue, frozen in shock, his eyes blown wide and his lips slightly parted. He was shivering slightly and Merlin followed Eggsy’s stare to see the sign on the wall. Of course. He had meant to mention it to Eggsy but had forgotten to do so in the rush of events.

 

‘Eggsy?’

 

The boy didn’t answer, his eyes still locked at the sign. Merlin approached Eggsy slowly, reaching for his arm to give it an encouraging squeeze.

 

‘Eggsy we can go back if this is too much to bear. We can come back later, everyone would understand’

 

Eggsy snapped back to consciousness and he now stared wildly at Merlin. No. This wasn’t even an option. He really had to keep his shit together now; Harry would do the same, no matter how hard it was. That was part of being a gentleman, wasn’t it? Enduring pain for the people you love. Eggsy shook his head slowly, inhaling deeply through his nose and exhaling again through his mouth. He needed to calm down, this was essential, or Merlin would escort him straight back home and Eggsy would have to wait a few days before getting another chance to see Harry.

 

‘No, I’m fine. I just needed a moment, but it’s okay now, I can handle it, I promise.’

 

He did his best to keep a straight face, but Merlin immediately recognized it as a facade. Nevertheless, Eggsy had made it this far; he had earned the right to try it at least, so Merlin just smiled mildly.

 

‘Okay, let’s go then.’

 

Merlin didn’t let go of Eggsy’s arm but instead kept his hand in place and pulled Eggsy out of the lift. Normally, Eggsy would have protested against being lead, but right now Merlin’s presence was strangely soothing and Eggsy found himself calming down. Although it pained him to admit it, Eggsy needed Merlin’s help in this moment and he was glad that Merlin offered his help without pointing it out. This may be about Harry, but Eggsy had to do everything to ensure he would be strong for Harry, so he set himself an ultimatum. As long as it was just Eggsy and Merlin, Eggsy would allow himself to be comforted by the magician as long as this would give him the power to be strong and steady for Harry.

 

They walked down the corridor together, passing numerous rooms with unconscious patients. Eggsy didn’t dare to look through the window of the other rooms, he was too afraid to get a glimpse of what Harry could look like and feared he would not be able to hold it together.

 

For Eggsy it felt like they were walking endlessly and with every passing room his anticipation grew, a feeling somewhere between mortal fear and anticipation. He still felt dizzy and numb, but also determined. Eggsy felt like when he was about 16, unsure of what he felt and of who he really was, as if hormones and feelings blinded his brain and ability to think rationally. Eggsy was still fighting all these feelings dwelling up in him when he realized that they had reached the end of the corridor where only one rooms was left. Merlin had come to a halt and looked at Eggsy, a worried expression on his face.

 

‘This is Harry’s room. The doctors don’t want us to go in instantly, so we will just look through the window at first. There is a nurse with him right now, maybe she will let us in when she sees we can handle it. Are you ready?’

 

Eggsy swallowed hard, he wasn’t ready, not really, but he had to be. This required all his strength, but he was willing to make the last step, so he looked at Merlin and nodded.

 

‘Good. He could already be awake, you know. Maybe he’s waiting for us to arrive and will tell us how impolite we are because we let him wait’

 

Merlin smiled at Eggsy but Eggsy registered that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes but he smiled back either way, knowing that Merlin only tried to cheer Eggsy up. Merlin would know by now if Harry was awake, Eggsy was sure of that, but he appreciated the magician’s efforts.

 

Eggsy kept his eyes on the floor, making the last steps to close the distance between him and the window. This was the moment, he would finally see Harry again after what felt like forever. After a few moments and just as much deep breaths, Eggsy dared to tip his head up to look through the window.

 

Although the hospital in general looked quite new, the rooms don’t differ from the ones Eggsy had seen before. With the walls painted in a greyish shade of white and the floor being green linoleum resembling the floors in schools the room looked abominably distasteful. All these random observations sank in before Eggsy concentrated on what was important.

 

In the middle of the room, with sheets exactly the same colour as the walls, stood the bed. It was made out of aluminium and surrounded by various instruments and monitors, which Eggsy couldn’t possibly identify and made him feel uneasy. But what was even worse was the sight of what, or rather who, was lying in the bed.

 

The man lying there almost had no resemblance with Harry so that Eggsy had to look twice before being sure it really was him. Harry’s skin had the exact same colour as the sheets he was nestled in, making him look more like a ghost than a living being. Eggsy’s heart sank immediately; seeing Harry like this, reduced to something merely beyond his mortal remains, was nothing Eggsy could stomach easily. Everything that had made Harry who he was, seemed to be lost, drained out of his body with the blood he had lost due to the wound in his head.

 

There was no tube in Harry’s throat, so he was obviously breathing by himself, but this was the only sign that showed he was still alive. Several infusions were in the man’s arm to provide the vital remedies he needed to be kept as healthy as he could be in his condition and probably also some painkiller to prevent Harry from waking up because of the pain.

 

But what was worst for Eggsy was Harry’s face. A person who didn’t know Harry could assume he was sleeping, but Eggsy, who had got to know Harry so closely by now, knew this wasn’t all that was to it. Harry’s face was slack and far too relaxed to look natural, the lack of the usually furrowed brow making him look softer and more vulnerable than Eggsy wanted to see his mentor.

 

Still standing in front of the window with Merlin’s hand on his shoulder, Eggsy could barely breathe. Only an hour before, he had been thinking that it would have been worst if Harry was dead, but now, after seeing the price Harry had to pay in order to be alive, Eggsy wasn’t sure of that. Where he had been enthusiastic and positive before, he found himself more desperate and hopeless than he had ever been. There was no way someone could survive this, without having to suffer the aftermath, Eggsy was sure of that.

 

‘Are you okay, Eggsy?’

 

Eggsy needed a few moments to realize that Merlin’s words had been directed at him, but his mouth was too dry to answer verbally and he feared that if he would have been able to produce any kind of sound that it would come out as a sore whimper so he just nodded and turned to look at the magician.

 

‘I’d like to have a doctor look at you now. It has been a long day and I want to make sure that you really are unharmed. It won’t take long and we can come back to see Harry as soon as you’re finished, I promise’

 

Merlin’s words were muffled and barely audible for Eggsy who felt like he had cotton wool in his ears, but Eggsy nodded either way. He would agree to anything as long as Merlin kept his promise and let him see Harry again, so he followed when the magician led the way to one of the examination rooms.

 

The doctor who entered the room a couple of minutes later was in his early forties but looked about ten years older. Surely, shift working in the hospital and an irregular sleeping schedule had done their part. His eyes looked tired with their heavy lids and dark shadows underneath, but Dr. Watson, this was his name according to the name tag attached to his gown, did his best to be as friendly as humanly possible.

 

‘This is just a routine examination, so I’ll make this quick. We’ll just make the usual tests and then you are free to go, as long as your results are satisfying. I will also give you something for the night, so you can sleep better. I’m not entirely sure if you will need it, but I rather not risk it. Does this sound acceptable to you?’

 

Eggsy nodded again; seemingly this was the only kind of conversation he was capable of right now. The shock of thinking Harry was dead, then being told he wasn’t and seeing him in such a bad condition, somewhere between life and death, had finally sunken in. Eggsy couldn’t believe that all this was really happening. Maybe getting some sleep-inducing medication wasn’t such a bad idea, his mind felt overwhelmed with all the sensations of the day while his body was numb with exhaustion.

 

Dr. Watson kept his word, the examination was done quickly and the doctor found nothing was alarming about Eggsy’s condition, so he was dismissed as soon as the results came. He gave Eggsy a small blister with a few pills before he went out of the examination room to see other patients.

 

‘These will help you sleep. You only need to take one half an hour before you intend to sleep. You will sleep soundly most probably dreamless, what I think is best after what you’ve been through. You’re not allowed to drive any kind of vehicle within 24 hours after taking one of these, though, as they will definitely knock you out a bit. I hope you’ll feel better soon’

 

With that, the doctor opened the door and went out, leaving Eggsy alone in the room, where he took his jacket again and went out as well to find Merlin. The magician had obviously been waiting for Eggsy. He sat in a chair right in front of the examination room’s door, looking up when Eggsy stepped out of the room. It was right then that Eggsy realized how tired Merlin looked. Apparently, Eggsy wasn’t the only one to suffer from the exhaustion the day had brought with it.

 

Merlin stood up and made a few steps towards Eggsy, forcing a tired smile upon his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

‘The doctor told me that you are well and got something to help you sleep. Would you rather go home now and get some rest or do you want to stay here a bit. Maybe there will be a nurse whom we can ask if you can go in Harry’s room and be with him for a while.’

 

Eggsy didn’t need to think twice. He was tired and exhausted and, to be honest, wanted nothing in the world more than rest, but being with Harry was his number one priority now. He needed to be there when Harry woke up, no matter how long it took. So he just shook his head at Merlin.

 

‘No, no I don’t need rest. I’m fine, really. I want to stay. I don’t want him to be alone. Maybe he somehow knows we are here and it helps him, I don’t know. I just want to be there, just in case… just to be sure he really isn’t… that he won’t’

 

Eggsy found himself at a loss for words, but Merlin knew what the boy wanted to say. If they made their way back home now, it would all feel surreal Eggsy would think he had dreamt that Harry was alive and would be devastated again until he could be sure he had not imagined all this. All what had happened was disturbing enough already, even without Eggsy losing his mind over Harry’s condition, so Merlin was prepared to give Eggsy everything he wanted, if it helped him to stay calm.

 

‘It’s fine; I perfectly understand what you mean. And of course we can stay a little longer if you want to. I’m sure, all will be well soon’

 

And with that, they made their way back to Harry’s room in silence, thinking about what Merlin had promised and what it would mean for them.


	5. Never alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy is still in the hospital with Harry and his emotions wash over him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who've read this story so far. I hope it was worth the waiting:)

In an instant they stood in front of that window again, looking at Harry’s form in the hospital bed. A nurse was with him, checking his vitals and making sure all injections were still in order. Eggsy followed every single move she made; disliking the way she handled Harry without any sign of genuine affection. Of course, she didn’t know who or how Harry was, so there was no reason for her to treat Harry differently, but that hardly mattered to Eggsy.

 

The nurse apparently had finished checking on Harry, so she grabbed a clipboard with what seemed to be medical reports and opened the door to get out of Harry’s room. She looked slightly puzzled when she found the two men standing there, but managed to smile at them eventually and greeted them politely. Eggsy, who could barely take his eyes off Harry, only nodded in her direction while Merlin faced her and greeted her properly.

 

‘Good afternoon, I’m really sorry if we cause any inconveniences by visiting so unexpectedly, but we really wanted to see him. To hear Mr Hart isn’t dead caught us quite off guard regarding the fact that we were told what happened and we couldn’t quite believe it without seeing him breathing’

 

The nurse smiled at them sympathetically, the expression on her face warm and full of empathy.

 

‘Quite understandable, witnessing this must have been an awful experience for both of you. I’m very sorry that this happened to him, no one, neither human nor animal, should suffer from such an injury. If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask’

 

Eggsy didn’t understand that the offer was directed at him, he still was too focused on Harry and the monitor behind him that displayed his heartbeat, afraid that it would stop beeping if you looked away for a moment. Merlin, on the other hand, wasn’t going to refuse this offer.

 

‘Certainly, there is something I wanted to ask. Is there a small chance that my young friend here can go in for a few minutes? I know, Mr Hart still is in a very bad condition, but I’m afraid that the boy’s state will get worse if he can’t be close to him’

 

Although Eggsy still didn’t react to whatever was spoken next to him, he very well realized that they were talking about him and he hated the way Merlin referred to him, as if he was about to collapse any second. But it seemed to work, in the corner of his eye, Eggsy realized that the nurse was looking at him sadly, clearly pitying the poor boy standing there staring at the man in the bed, so Eggsy decided to keep his mouth shut and not to scold Merlin for talking about him like he was toddler. As long as it would get him close to Harry, Eggsy was willing to endure every pitying look the nurse had to offer.

 

‘ I have to talk to a doctor first, but I don’t think this will cause much of a problem. Mr Hart breathes independently and his vitals are steady, so there should be no need to raise any objections, as long as you keep it quiet in his room. I will go and ask a doctor, please wait here for a moment’

 

And with that the nurse turned around and disappeared around the next corner. Eggsy felt nervous energy rush through his body, the fear of not being allowed to go inside creeping up slowly. What if he had to stand here forever, waiting for Harry to finally wake up? Eggsy knew he had no right to be in this room, he wasn’t one of Harry’s relatives and surely not married to him, but he wanted to be with Harry so desperately that the thought of staying outside was nearly unbearable.

 

There would be other ways to get into Harry’s room, though. He was a spy, for fuck’s sake, a goddamn Kingsman, trained to kill and to get in and out wherever he wanted without being noticed, he would find ways to sneak into Harry’s room to spend some time with him. If he was clever enough, no one would know, all he needed was a plan. Eggsy was so lost in his thoughts, trying to figure a way to visit Harry undetected, that he didn’t even notice when the nurse came back, not even trying to hide her satisfied smile.

 

‘Good news, the doctor said it was okay if you went into the room, as long as it is only one of you at a time. The access is restricted, so only the two of you can go inside, just so you know. You can go in now, if you want, I’m finished with all the checks’

 

The nurse turned around again and went into another room on the opposite side of Harry’s, probably checking on other patients. Eggsy looked at the door the nurse had stepped through only seconds before; he was not able to move or to register what the nurse had just said. It was only when Merlin touched his shoulder und pulled Eggsy around to face him, that the boy finally understood what had just happened.

 

‘You can go in now, Eggsy. I’ll wait here or maybe go down to get a coffee’

 

Eggsy hesitated. Sure, he wanted to go in and be with Harry desperately, but somehow this wasn’t fair, was it? It wasn’t fair to let Merlin wait outside. Harry and Merlin had known each other for so long, they weren’t only colleagues, they were friends and then there was Eggsy who had only known Harry for a few months. Eggsy knew it would only be right to offer Merlin to go in first, even if Eggsy was sure Merlin would never take the offer. This was what Harry would do, this was what a Kingsman would do, what was deemed gentlemanly.

 

‘No, Merlin, you- you should go in first. You’re his friend and this is as difficult for you as it is for me, and you- go in, just go in. But please, don’t let me wait too long’

 

Merlin looked at Eggsy with nothing but mild affection. The boy in front of him wanted to be with his mentor so desperately, but he offered him to go first nonetheless because he wanted to do what was polite rather than what he would really like to do. All Eggsy wanted to do now was being strong and brave, just like Harry would have been in such a situation and Merlin was so moved by this that he, although tempted to accept the offer, just shook his head.

 

‘Thank you, my boy, I really appreciate the gesture, but I’ll wait. I don’t want to have you waiting any longer, you’ve been through enough already and it won’t do any good to delay what you really want to do any longer. I’ll get some coffee and maybe something to eat for us, it’s been a long day, after all. You go in now, and tell him to wake up soon.’

 

And with a last smile, Merlin turned around to go to the cafeteria and left Eggsy behind. Of course, Merlin would never have taken the offer, he knew Eggsy too well to do so, and Eggsy was nothing but grateful. While looking through the window one last time, Eggsy took a deep breath to brace himself for what he was going to do now. He was tremendously happy to be allowed to go in, but he also was frightened and unsure. What was he going to do? How do you behave around someone who can’t react to what you do or say? Eggsy didn’t have an answer, so he decided to find out while trying and pressed the door-handle.

 

The first thing Eggsy noticed when he entered the room was the chemical smell that seemed to fill the whole hospital, but was even more intense in here. The room was sparsely decorated; next to Harry’s bed there was another spare bed to the right side, while there was a chair and a tiny table on the left hand side of Harry’s bed. The only colourful item in the room was an awfully disgusting painting that hung on the opposite wall of the beds and Eggsy smiled a little at the thought of how Harry would react to this picture once he woke up. He would most probably insist that Eggsy would hide it as long as Harry had to stay here, explaining all the ways in which this painting is a pain to the eyes.

 

While his gaze wandered through the room and scanned every tiny and shabby detail, he slowly approached the chair next to Harry’s bed and, after rearranging it so that he can sit closer to Harry’s face, sat down.

 

Harry looked even paler now that Eggsy was closer to him and Eggsy registered that Harry even looked several years older than he had done before. Before, Harry’s age had always had an elegant effect on his face, making him even more interesting and charming, but now he seemed to look nothing but old, a fact that made Eggsy even sadder. He didn’t understand how anything in the world could take all the grace from Harry’s face and make him look like his skin was made of wax.

 

‘Oh, Harry…’

 

Eggsy could barely manage to get the words out before the tears came again, streaming down his face leaving red and hot streaks. Fortunately, his back was turned to the window, so no one would see he cried again and think he wasn’t strong enough to handle this. Now that he finally was at Harry’s side, there was no way for Eggsy to leave him again. Even the thought of being separated from Harry again filled Eggsy with panic and made him sob and gasp for air erratically, so he pushed these thoughts aside and concentrated on Harry instead.

 

Although the man in front of him seemed to be completely changed, Eggsy knew that this was still Harry. There were still the wrinkles around his eyes that Eggsy always adored because they were the sign of Harry’s kind and friendly demeanour, despite all his efforts to appear all serious and strict and all the other features of Harry’s appearance that made him look as capturing as his personality was. As soon as Harry woke up, he’ll be the man Eggsy missed so much again, the man whom Eggsy needed more than anyone else in the world.

 

As soon as he woke up. Or should it be if he ever woke up? The realization of that made Eggsy panic slightly. What if he never woke up again? If he will life like this, unaware of his surroundings and unable to react to them, until the day his heart stops beating and he won’t breathe anymore? He would die without knowing that his efforts made the difference. He would die without being aware of the kind of man Eggsy was about to become. He would die without knowing how much he meant to all of them, how loved he was. He would die without knowing how much Eggsy loved him. Eggsy couldn’t possibly stand the thought.

 

‘You have to wake up again, do you hear me? You can’t stay like this. I need you, we all do, but I can’t live in a world without you’

 

Eggsy’s voice was a whisper, barely audible and even if Harry had been awake it was unlikely he would have heard what Eggsy had said before he wrapped both of his hands around Harry’s left hand.

 

The coffee was hot, strong and tasted beyond disgusting, but it kept Merlin working and that was all that counted. After leaving Eggsy with Harry, Merlin had spent some time in the hospital’s cafeteria, not wanting to disturb Eggsy when he was with Harry. The boy had been through all this and somehow managed to still walk upright, he deserved to be left in peace with his mentor for quite some time.

 

When Merlin finally made his way back to Harry’s room and looked through the window, he saw Eggsy sitting at Harry’s side while he held his mentor’s hand. Harry, of course, was still unconscious, but the scene in front of him filled Merlin with warmth he experienced too rarely and he couldn’t help but register the intimacy of what he saw there. Eggsy was already sitting really close to Harry, but he leaned in even more and spoke to the older man. Merlin couldn’t understand what exactly Eggsy was saying, but he was sure it was something that was only meant for Harry’s ears, so he didn’t try to read it from his lips.

 

‘Poor boy, must break his heart to see his father like this.’

 

Merlin had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the nurse approaching. Damn, he was a spy, he shouldn’t be surprised. When he turned his head to look at the nurse, he recognized her as the woman to whom he and Eggsy had talked earlier on, who had made Eggsy being in Harry’s room possible. When the nurse’s words had finally sunken in, Merlin looked puzzled, not really making the connection between the meaning and the scene on the other side of the window.

 

‘Oh, erm, well, I’m sorry to tell you, but you are quite mistaken. The boy isn’t Mr Hart’s son, he’s his – well, colleague or protégé or – yeah, I think that covers it well enough.’

 

Merlin found himself slightly blushing for his inadequate phrasing, but the truth was that he simply wasn’t able to find a word for what Eggsy was to Harry because there wasn’t a word existing that would sufficiently describe their dynamics. Yes, they were working together and yes, Harry was Eggsy’s mentor, but there was something more to it and Merlin was sure he wasn’t the only one who noticed. It was the way they always wanted to be near each other, how they genuinely cared about the other’s well-being and their behaviour when they were around each other.

 

Even the nurse seemed to sense that something was going on there, because she knowingly smiled at Merlin, which made him blush even more, but she didn’t keep on asking any further.

 

‘I’m sorry, I just wondered if Mr Hart had any family and assumed the boy was his son when I saw how he held his hand. They seem to be really close to each other, more so than colleagues would be, at least. But either way, it’s good for Mr Hart to have someone here who cares so much about him, maybe it will help him recover from his injuries.’

 

Merlin knew she was just avoiding a rather delicate discussion but he was grateful for that, he didn’t want to think about what the two of them meant to each other, at least not now. But as he took a closer look at the scene behind the window, Merlin understood why the nurse had hinted that they were more than colleagues.

 

Everything about Eggsy’s posture towards Harry looked affectionate and not professional. He didn’t just touch Harry’s hand, he held it with his left while the index finger of his right hand slowly drew lines on Harry’s hand and lower forearm and the way Eggsy looked at Harry spoke more than a thousand words. All the emotions Eggsy had lived through today, all the fear, the exhaustion, the anger, the happiness and the relieve were written all over his face and Merlin was sure that he would see more tears in Eggsy’s eyes when he had the chance to directly look into them.

 

But whatever it was what went on there, it wasn’t important right now. Merlin just wanted to keep Eggsy as sane as possible and Harry to recover, at all costs. If the things that had to be done to achieve this would demand some questioning later on, Merlin found he couldn’t be arsed to care. He would deal with these matters when the time came and not waste another thought on it for now. For now, he would be happy with another coffee, so he turned around and left Harry and Eggsy to themselves again, knowing that this was the right thing to do.

 

Eggsy didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, but to him that hardly mattered. He knew he would sit there until Merlin would drag him out of this room just to come back at the earliest opportunity and even if that meant he had to destroy Merlin’s sanity. The thought of Harry being alone again was unbearable and Eggsy knew he would never forgive himself if Harry woke up in here and found that no one was waiting for him.

 

‘You’ll not wake up alone, Harry, I promise. I don’t know how yet, but I will convince Merlin to let me stay here. I can’t leave you in here, I can’t leave you now, I just –‘

 

Eggsy felt the tears rise again, but this time, there was no way he could hold them back, so he turned around slightly to see if Merlin was still standing outside and watching them. As soon as he saw that there was no one watching, Eggsy let go. There still were so many things unsaid and so many things he hadn’t allowed himself to think about that he just needed to cry right now. Merlin wouldn’t approve, but Eggsy didn’t care, it had just been too much. He still held Harry’s hand, but somehow this wasn’t enough anymore. Harry’s hand was cold, colder than it ever had been and so unlike Harry who always was warm, and Eggsy needed more proximity than this so one of his hands let go to touch Harry’s face.

 

At first, his fingers just hovered over Harry’s skin, afraid to touch it after such a long time in which he had always wanted, even longed, to do this. But when Eggsy finally let his fingertips brush over Harry’s skin, it felt better than Eggsy would have dared to hope under these circumstances. Harry’s face wasn’t as cold as his hand, a fact that Eggsy really made believe that Harry was still alive. Even now, the older man’s skin felt as soft as it looked like and Eggsy found that he never wanted to deny himself the pleasure of touching Harry’s face anymore.

 

He sat there for quite a while, brushing over Harry’s skin and occasionally stroking his hair, when he felt how tired he really was. All the adrenaline seemed to finally wear of and Eggsy felt the full extent of his exhaustion right now. He really wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep for two days, but as long as Harry wasn’t awake he wouldn’t dare to sleep, the idea of missing something was too terrifying. But as long as Merlin wasn’t back, Eggsy decided to allow himself to close his eyes for a few moments to give them some relieve.

 

When Merlin came back 20 minutes later, Eggsy was already sound asleep. His left hand still held Harry’s while his right hand was sprawled across the older man’s chest as if to feel that he still was breathing. Eggsy’s head had fallen forward and now lay in the space between Harry’s stomach and his arm, a position that frankly looked quite uncomfortable, but Eggsy didn’t seem to mind and Merlin did not have the heart to wake Eggsy now and take him home. Maybe one of the doctor’s would be empathetic enough to let Eggsy stay overnight, seeing as the bed next to Harry’s was still available. So the magician took one last glance at the two men and went to find a doctor. He really didn’t have the heart to separate Harry and Eggsy now.

 


	6. Always there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has spent his first night in the hospital and struggles with waiting for Harry to wake up again. Merlin is a saint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this longer than intended, but I had to suffer from a bad writers block and couldn't get the easiest sentences straight. I sincerely hope you enjoy this nonetheless:)
> 
> Great thanks again to my beautiful beta-reader Lena, you keep my right!:)
> 
> Moreover thanks to my dear Julia, if it weren't for you and your enthusiasm, I wouldn't have the motivation to continue writing!
> 
> And, last but not least, thanks to all those who've read the story so far, it's great to know someone appreciates the work I've put in this piece of writing!:)

Disinfectant and antiseptic, these were the first things that came to Eggsy’s mind when he slowly woke up. Even through the lids of his still shut eyes Eggsy knew it was bright outside, the sun shining directly into his face and warming it and although the feeling was a pleasant one, Eggsy felt irritated by that. This wasn’t possible. In his room, the sun didn’t reach the corner in which his bed stood, the windows weren’t in the right angle. So where was he?

 

Eggsy slowly opened his eyes, not entirely sure what would await him. When he finally opened them, he looked at a large window surrounded by greyish walls and shabby curtains. The bed wasn’t his but an uncomfortable hospital bed with stiff sheets and when he tried to move he felt how sore his muscles were. He was in a hospital. And with the realization of this fact the memories came back. The mission, Harry had died but really he hadn’t, he was in hospital, in THIS hospital.

 

When he heard the beeping, Eggsy turned around as fast as he dared with his aching muscles.

 

‘Harry…’

 

There, in the bed next to him, was Harry, still unconscious and as pale as the sheet that covered him. Ignoring the sleep-induced stiffness of his body, Eggsy jumped out of his bed and hurried to Harry’s side, settling down on the chair he’d been sitting on yesterday.

 

Eggsy remembered how he had sat in that exact place, holding Harry’s hand and stroking his face. He’d been so tired, absolutely exhausted and he knew he had wanted to close his eyes for a few moments, but no matter how hard Eggsy tried, he couldn’t recall climbing into the other bed and falling asleep there. So, how exactly had he gotten into that bed? He surely hadn’t wandered around in his sleep and even if he had, a doctor or one of the nurses who had checked on Harry during the night would have woken him to throw him out of Harry’s room, wouldn’t they?

 

He was lost in his thoughts on how he had come to sleep in the hospital when he spotted the bag that was standing at the end of the bed he had slept in while his gaze had wandered around in the room. He hadn’t brought a bag, he was sure of that, but it definitely was his, he recognized one of the patches attached to the front. That was when he heard the knock on the door.

 

Merlin didn’t even wait for an answer before he entered the room, two steaming cups in his hands of which Eggsy hoped one of them was meant for him. The scent of strong coffee filled his lungs when Merlin held out one of the cups to Eggsy who took it gladly and immediately started drinking, nearly scalding his tongue.

 

‘Good morning, Eggsy, I hope you have slept well?’

 

‘G’ Morning, Merlin, yes I have, but I don’t really know why I’ve slept here. I mean, I remember dozing off but I don’t remember lying down, or bringing a bag, would you fill me in?’

 

The magician sat down on the bed Eggsy had slept in, taking a sip of his coffee. Eggsy could see the dark shadows under the other man’s eyes and was sure that he probably hadn’t had more sleep than Eggsy.

 

‘Certainly. When I came back to this room yesterday, I found you sleeping in your chair and, to be honest, I didn’t want to wake you. I feared you wouldn’t sleep at all once we would’ve been back at headquarters, even refusing to take the pills the doctor gave you. So, I went to find the doctor again and somehow managed to convince him to let you stay here a few days. For the record, you may be suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder, just so you know’

 

The left corner of Merlin’s mouth curled up and he winked at Eggsy conspiratorially with his head lowered. Eggsy, who didn’t really manage to keep up with what Merlin was saying, it was just too damn early for Eggsy, looked quite puzzled.

 

‘So, you’re telling me that I can stay here, in this room, with Harry, as long as I manage to convince them that I may suffer from PTSD if I’m separated from him?’

 

When Merlin looked up from his cup and nodded at Eggsy, the younger man gaped at him, not believing what he had heard, but in an instant his expression subsided and was replaced by the widest smile Merlin had ever seen on Eggsy’s face. Before he could even smile back at Eggsy, Merlin found himself in a tight embrace, as Eggsy had jumped up from his chair to hug Merlin fiercely, expressing all his gratitude he could not possibly put into words with this gesture.

 

‘Thank you, Merlin! I – I really don’t know what else to say, just – thank you’

 

When Eggsy let go of Merlin, holding him at arm’s length and still clutching Merlin, and looked him in the eyes, Merlin could see the younger man’s eyes were wet with tears from happiness. It apparently meant a great deal to Eggsy that Merlin had made it possible for him to stay with Harry and Merlin felt unusually touched by Eggsy’s behaviour, grateful for the fact that there was someone, other than him, who cared for one of his oldest friends so deeply.

 

‘There is no need to thank me, Eggsy. I hope it was okay I went into your room to collect a few clothes and some other necessaries. I thought you might need something more comfortable to wear and something to sleep in as well as some things from your bathroom. Maybe you check your bag to see if anything essential is missing. If so, I will go and get these things later and bring them to you, so you won’t have to leave.’

 

Eggsy nodded, grabbed the bag and place it on the bed next to Merlin to see whether something he needed was missing. When he opened it he found some spare clothes, all of them chosen from the stack of clothes he had brought to the manor from home and none of his Kingsman clothes, they weren’t comfortable, after all. Eggsy also found all the necessary things like his toothbrush, toothpaste and shampoo, but also his laptop, his mobile (both with their matching charging cables) and two of his books, Merlin had even chosen two of the books he hadn’t read yet. Obviously, Merlin had thought of everything, everything but –

 

‘Wait, what about JB? We can’t leave him alone in my room for – I don’t even know for how long. Even the whole night was too much for the poor boy, he must feel lonely and he needs to go out for walks. He is still a puppy’

 

Again, Merlin was touched by how caring Eggsy could be. Underneath his tough demeanour, surely a remnant of the milieu he grew up in, there was a very sensitive boy who would go through hell and high water for the ones he loved. He may had doubted Eggsy in the beginning, but now Merlin definitely understood what Harry had seen in him from the beginning and regretted his rash judgement.

 

‘Don’t worry, Eggsy, I asked Roxy to look after him as long as you’re here and she was happy to take him, told me how well JB and Claudette get along. To be honest, I’m glad she took him; maybe she will at least teach him some manners. When I entered your room, JB was asleep on your pillow, like it was a normal thing for a dog to do. Claudette never sleeps in Roxy’s bed, but in her dog bed, where she belongs. Someone really has to put a stop to this.’

 

Happy that Merlin had even thought of Eggsy’s dog, the boy smiled, swallowing a comment on how Merlin could possibly know that Claudette didn’t sleep in Roxy’s bed when a) no one was really supposed to know about a colleague’s sleeping arrangements and b) Eggsy knew that Claudette actually did sleep in Roxy’s bed, sprawled all over their fellow Kingsman agent like an oversized plush toy. So, Eggsy just smiled slyly and nodded, seemingly defeated.

 

‘Yeah, maybe you’re right, he’s a bit spoiled, but he’s so tiny and I’ve always wanted a dog. Just wanna make him happy, you know?’

 

Apparently, Merlin understood how Eggsy felt, the older man smiled at him sympathetically.

 

‘It’s fine, Eggsy. Truth to be told, all the dogs I’ve owned so far were a bit spoiled. We are surrounded by death and injuries every day; I think we deserve to have something living in our life that is happy and content just because of us’

 

Although the words originally were intended to lighten the mood, Eggsy didn’t miss Merlin’s glance at Harry when he had talked about death and injury and found himself looking in the same direction. Yes, they indeed needed to have the feeling of keeping something alive, Merlin was right about that. The two of them just sat there for a moment, looking at Harry, lost in their own thoughts when Merlin cleared his throat quite loudly to make an attempt to break the deafening silence.

 

‘So, is there anything else you need? I mean, something I didn’t already bring over?’

 

Eggsy, surprised that Merlin all of the sudden had started to speak, blinked a few times in confusion and tried to remember why Merlin was asking this question. They had looked at Harry, had talked about keeping things alive, about JB and Roxy looking after him as long as he was gone, about his room… the bag, right, Merlin had packed a bag for Eggsy and wanted to know if there was anything else Eggsy needed him to bring to the hospital.

 

‘I – ugh, I don’t think so; I think I have everything I need. If there’s anything else, I’ll let you know, thanks’

 

Before Merlin could answer, there was a knock on the door and a nurse entered. When she saw the two men, she smiled and wished them a good morning, but then quickly focused her attention on Harry and checking his vitals. Eggsy and Merlin watched her in silence when she noted down everything she needed and they tried to read something from her face, but there was no indication for a change of Harry’s state. When she seemingly had all the information she needed and turned around to leave the room again, Eggsy couldn’t help it and stopped her.

 

‘S-Sorry to bother you, but could you maybe tell us something about Harry’s – um, Mr Hart’s condition? Is he getting better or worse?’

 

The nurse turned around slowly, her face looking concerned and apologetic.

 

‘I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to give you any information, but the doctor will come by any minute to check on Mr Hart and I’m sure he’ll give you the information you want’

 

And with that, she opened the door and strode out of the room after giving them a last small smile. Eggsy, unsure of what to do now, huffed out a deep breath and looked at Harry again. He needed answers and he feared that no one, not even one of the doctors, was able to give them to him.

 

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure the doctor will tell us everything we need to know. And if there was anything interfering with Harry’s recovery, I’m sure we would already know.’

 

Eggsy hadn’t noticed that Merlin wasn’t sitting on the bed anymore but had approached the chair he was sitting in, so he started a little when he felt Merlin’s hand on his shoulder.

 

‘I’ll go and catch up on some paper work now, I think I’ll be back in the evening to check on both of you. If there’s something you may need or if the doctor can tell you something we don’t already know, don’t hesitate to contact me.’

 

He turned around to face Merlin and looked at the older man as if he had talked in a language unknown to him.

 

‘You’ll go? Now? But you’ve just been here for an hour and you’re leaving again?’

 

Merlin had expected Eggsy to react like this, but the unbelieving expression on Eggsy’s wide-eyed face made the magician’s stomach turn upside down. He never wanted Eggsy to believe he didn’t suffer from all that had happened and that he wasn’t there to support Eggsy as long as he was here with Harry, but the world won’t stop and wait for him to be ready. Now, with Arthur dead and Harry and Eggsy in hospital, he had more to do than ever and couldn’t miss out on that.

 

‘I know, I’d rather stay here with you and Harry, but with three of our agents gone… I really can’t afford to stay away.’

 

‘Yeah, yeah sure, I understand.’

 

‘I’ll be back as soon as possible. Keep your chin up!’

 

Eggsy forced a smile and nodded at Merlin who went to some work done. He knew that Merlin had to be at headquarters now, it just seemed so surreal that everything just went on while Harry was here, unconscious and injured. For Eggsy, going on with his life as if nothing had happened at all wasn’t an option, it wasn’t possible. He needed Harry to wake up, to recover, to be his old self again, by fair means or foul. There was no way he could possibly go on with his life when Harry didn’t, that’s just how it was.

 

‘Harry, I – ugh, I don’t even know if you can hear me or know that I’m here, but I really need you to listen now. You have to wake up, for me, please. It’s just - I don’t know what to do anymore. I always wonder what would’ve happened, if you wouldn’t have been so angry and disappointed because of me and I wonder if all this, your injuries, are my fault, if I’m the reason you’re here and in this condition. I’m so sorry, Harry and I can’t bear the thought that you won’t wake up. That I won’t look into your eyes again, won’t hear your voice again and never see you fight again and I don’t know how I would survive in a world like this. You did so much for me, you gave me a purpose and I owe you so much, but I have to ask for one more thing. I know it already is a miracle that you’re still alive, but please, give me one more miracle and wake up, for me. If I mean anything to you, please stop this and wake up.’

 

Eggsy hadn’t even realized that he had started to talk to Harry at some point, but when the doctor finally came in to check on Harry Hart, he found Eggsy Unwin, the patient who presumably suffered from PTSD, sitting at Hart’s side and talking to him, begging him to wake up again.

 

The boy didn’t seem to realize that someone else had entered the room, so the doctor decided to back out and come back when he had looked after the other patients. But, and he swore to himself, after what he had just witnessed, he would do anything in his power to bring Harry Hart back to the young man sitting next to him.


	7. Saving Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Eggsy is getting more and more desperate and Merlin finds a way to make him smile again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to those of you who left Kudos, comments, bookmarks or just read every chapter so far. You are the reason I keep writing:)

A week and two days later, Harry was still unconscious, his condition unchanged and Eggsy became more and more desperate with every passing hour. How was this possible that nothing, really nothing, had happened? Every day, Merlin came in once or twice a day to visit them and to ask if there was any news but he always left shortly after. The nurses and doctors came in multiple times to check on Harry’s vitals and Eggsy had to talk to a psychologist to reappraise the events of V-Day, but other than that, nothing had happened. At least nothing that would’ve mattered.

 

Eggsy busied himself with his laptop and with the books Merlin brought him, but he had to admit that he was bored beyond measure and that there were only a few things that could cheer him up. Merlin, of course, had noticed how Eggsy’s mood fell with every visit he paid him and wondered if it wouldn’t better to bring him back to headquarters or home to his mother, but even the idea of leaving Harry seemed to frighten the boy so much that Merlin dismissed the thought immediately.

 

Merlin knew he had to do something, though. Watching how Eggsy became more apathetic, how his quick-witted, saucy personality disappeared bit by bit, wasn’t an option. He was determined to do something about his state, especially since one of the nurse’s told him three days ago that Eggsy only ate sporadically, leaving most of his meals untouched. While Harry’s recovery stagnated, Eggsy’s condition became worse and everyone, even the nurses and doctors, feared he was depressed or on the verge of becoming depressed.

 

So, when Merlin visited this day, he didn’t only intend to stay a bit longer than he usually did, having worked all night to get the paperwork done, but he also brought a little surprise to cheer Eggsy up. The magician didn’t know what he would do if this didn’t work out either, but he was reluctant to think about this before seeing if his attempt worked.

 

It was half past two in the afternoon when Merlin cautiously peered through the window of Harry’s room before he entered. He had made a habit of it regarding the fact that he wanted to brace himself for what was waiting inside, but there really wasn’t anything to brace for. It was the same picture as ever: Eggsy sitting in the chair next to Harry, holding his hand and staring at him, the boy’s face blank and expressionless. Merlin opened the door, hoping that Eggsy would appreciate what, or rather who, Merlin had brought with him.

 

‘Good afternoon, Eggsy. How are you today?’

 

‘ ‘m fine’

 

Eggsy didn’t even look up at Merlin or ask how Merlin was feeling, but Merlin had gotten used to it. But he would look up.

 

‘Hey, Eggsy! It’s been ages, I’m so glad to see you again!’

 

And then Eggsy turned around and looked up, his eyes wide in disbelieve and Merlin immediately thought that this was more of a reaction than Merlin had witnessed in the last days altogether.

 

‘Rox! Wha – What are you doing here?’

 

‘I just came back from a mission and asked Merlin if he could clear my schedule for a few days so I could spend some time with you. Without you, the manor bores me to death anyway.’

 

Merlin could almost feel how Roxy’s bright smile, which, Merlin had to admit, he truly admired, infected Eggsy and how he responded with what almost was as genuine a smile as it used to be before the hospital. Apparently, bringing Roxy here to spend some time with Eggsy had been the right decision and he decided to give them a bit more time for themselves.

 

‘I’ll go down to the cafeteria and get us some coffee, tea und maybe some biscuits. It’s not tea time yet, but I think we all could do with something sweet, don’t we?’

 

The magician grinned and turned around and for the first time in days Eggsy looked forward to the prospect of something to eat, he hadn’t even realized how hungry he was but now his stomach growled quite audibly. Roxy had apparently heard it, too, and chuckled, but when Eggsy looked at her, her eyes weren’t on him but on Merlin’s back while he exited the room.

 

Eggsy grinned, he recognized that look, but he would be damned if he was the first one to start this talk. Roxy would talk to him eventually, as soon as she was ready, so, after they both settled down on the bed Eggsy slept in, they started to talk. They talked about Roxy’s last mission, tracking down a human trafficking ring with government involvement in Iraq, and about how Eggsy had rescued the world on V-Day and killed Valentine, but after that they both sensed that the time for “light” talking was over. They knew they just circled the topic they really had to talk about, but now, with all other topics gone, the weight of what was coming was heavy on their shoulders.

 

They were silent for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts. Eggsy looked out of the window and stared at the blue sky while Roxy looked down at her fingernails as if she could find the secrets of the universe in them.

 

‘I – I just want you to know, I’m really sorry. For everything, I mean, I –‘

 

‘Not as if it’s your fault, innit?’

 

‘Yeah, but I see you, Eggsy. I’m so sorry this had to happen to him, to you. You care so much about him, everyone can see it. I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through right now, but even the thought… I mean, if something like this would happen to you, or…’

 

Her voice had trailed of at that, but Eggsy knew what she had wanted to say.

 

‘Or Merlin?’

 

‘Is it that obvious?’

 

She looked up at Eggsy through her lashes, a slight blush appearing on her face. Now, there really weren’t any secrets left between them and Eggsy could feel how close they were now. He never had experienced something like true friendship, the mates from home somehow didn’t count, but now, with Roxy, it was like he could trust her with everything, even with his life, and she would rather die than to betray him. He looked her in the eyes and winked.

 

‘Just a little bit’

 

They looked at each other in complete silence for a few seconds, but when Roxy’s mouth curled up in a smile and Eggsy started to chuckle they both started to burst out into laughter. They laughed until they had tears in their eyes and with that most of the worries and the grief from the last week fell from them like a layer of dust. After a few minutes their cheeks and stomachs ached from laughter and both of them had wet eyes.

 

‘Oh God, Eggsy, I have missed this so much’

 

‘Me too, I didn’t even realize how much I needed that. You know, there’s not much to do here…’

 

Roxy took Eggsy’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze; she knew he had wanted to say that he didn’t know what to do without Harry and she only understood too well that Eggsy couldn’t say it out loud.

 

‘It’s fine, that’s why I’m here. And before I forget it, I’ve brought something for the two of you.’

 

Roxy stood up and went over to the side of Harry’s bed where she, when she had entered the room, had put down a basket. Eggsy hadn’t even noticed she brought it, but when she lifted the towel, which was draped over it, Eggsy could do little else than smile.

 

‘I didn’t know which flowers Harry likes or if he likes flowers at all, but I know hospitals and how lifeless and dreary they are so I thought I should bring something to add a bit more colour. I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid and childish, but –‘

 

‘No! I – really like them and I’m sure he’ll like them as well. He always had a thing for aesthetics, ya know. I’m sure he’ll tell us how beautiful they are as soon as he wakes up.’

 

Roxy only smiled when Eggsy said that and fished a vase out of the basket. She went to the attached bathroom to fill the plastic vase, which she had borrowed from the nurses beforehand, with water and came back only a few seconds later. As if not sure where to place the vase, Roxy stood at the end of Harry’s bed, before setting it down on the little bedside table between the two beds. She draped the flowers nicely by reorganizing them a bit and nodded when she thought she was finished.

 

‘Perfect, isn’t it?’

 

‘Um, yeah, I guess? What are these, by the way? They aren’t roses or tulips, are they?’

 

At first Roxy thought Eggsy was making a joke by playing dumb, but then she realized that he really wasn’t sure whether these were tulips or roses or not. She pressed her lips together to supress a laugh.

 

‘No, Eggsy, they aren’t. These are gladiolas. You know, every flower has a special meaning, like roses stand for love and violets stand for fidelity.’

 

‘What do gladiolas stand for?’

 

‘They stand for strength and a strong character. I just thought it fits.’

 

Eggsy had always known that Roxy was special. She wasn’t just an exceptionally good agent and tremendously smart, she also was kind and thoughtful and one of the best friends Eggsy was fortunate enough to have. But right now, in these moments, he couldn’t think that he could adore the girl in front of him any more.

 

‘It does. Thanks, Rox.’

Roxy could see how moved Eggsy was by what she’s done, but she didn’t want to make a big deal of it. This was what friends were for, and Eggsy was so much more than a friend. With becoming a Kingsman agent, Roxy had vowed to keep him, her colleague, her friend, safe, even if this meant to risk her own life and, to be honest, there were few people who she would rather risk her life for than Eggsy.

 

‘You don’t have to thank me, that’s the least thing I can do for you two. But I’ve brought something else.’

 

Eggsy peered into the basket curiously while Roxy fished out something wrapped in tissue paper and held it out to him like a present on Boxing Day. He took it and cautiously removed the wrapping. Inside was a picture frame with a photograph of Roxy, Claudette and JB who sat in front of the Kingsman manor. Roxy, who smiled brightly into the camera, held a sign which said _We_ ♥ _You!._ Eggsy smiled.

 

‘Oh Rox, this is great, thanks! You knew I miss him, don’t you?’

 

‘Of course I know, I now what it is like to be separated from Claudette when I’m on a mission, and I know how much you love that little fur ball. By the way, Merlin told me how undisciplined JB is, but I can’t really figure out what he means by that. Can you tell me?’

 

Eggsy smirked; apparently he had to bring that topic up again.

 

‘Well, as it seems your beloved Merlin isn’t aware of the fact that Claudette sleeps in your bed and he thinks it’s absurd that JB sleeps in mine. So, that’s that.’

 

His voice dripped from his mouth like honey and Roxy blushed instantly. Roxy still wasn’t completely comfortable with talking about this, but Eggsy decided she had to endure it. Roxy would get used to it eventually.

 

‘Okay, okay, I know. He still thinks Claudette is a posh and well-educated little poodle, he would enter la-la land if he knew Claudette was just as spoiled as JB. So please keep quiet, I’ll fill him in slowly’

 

They giggled together for a few more minutes and made more jokes about Roxy and Merlin and their dogs and about the world and his wife but when Merlin entered a few minutes later, bringing biscuits and tea, Roxy went all stiff and still while Eggsy burst out into bright and loud laughter again. Merlin raised his eyebrows, sensing the joke was on him, but as long as Eggsy was laughing again, he would tolerate it, at least as long he’s here with Harry.

 

So, the magician went over to Eggsy and Roxy, taking notice of the flowers and the framed picture, which Eggsy had put on his bedside table, and chatted with them while drinking tea and eating the biscuits. And for the first time in over a week, they seemed to forget how difficult times were right now, content with just being together and laughing about the most banal matters. They stayed like this until visiting hours were over and Merlin and Roxy had to go after promising they would both come back soon. When Eggsy lay in bed that night, he found himself happier than he had been the last week.

 

‘You know Harry, I could get used to days like this, just hanging around with Roxy and Merlin and having a good time. They’re sort of a thing now, can you believe that? I mean, I don’t know what sort of thing they are or have, but there’s something. I’ll tell you when I find out. But honestly, we have to do that again as soon as you wake up. This would just have been better if you would’ve been awake. It would’ve been perfect…’

 

Eggsy had several more things to say, but his voice trailed off as he finally found the sleep he had longed for since V-Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, you all wait for Harry to finally wake up, but I promise, it won't be long ;)  
> Stay tuned:)


	8. Sense and Sensibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the moment we all have waited for: Harry wakes up!

After another week, still nothing had changed and, although Roxy and Merlin tried their very best to cheer Eggsy up as much as possible, he seemed to lose his hope again. When Roxy was with him, he seemed to forget how sad and desperate he really was, but Merlin knew that as soon as she left, Eggsy was painfully reminded of the fact that there was no one else in this room to talk to. It wasn’t easy, not at all.

 

One time, three days ago, Merlin and Roxy had even smuggled JB into the hospital. It had been Roxy’s idea and when she had suggested it to Merlin after her first visit in the hospital, Merlin had been tempted to dismiss the idea immediately, but after a bit of convincing, the magician decided to give in. Roxy knew how much Eggsy missed his dog and she guessed that JB also missed his owner, but what really convinced him to take the risk was the simple fact that he couldn’t deny Roxy anything.

 

They had trained JB together in multiple little sessions over a couple of days, afraid the pug would give them away in the hospital because he squealed or did something equally suspicious. Merlin still smiled when he thought of their training sessions. It had only been the two of them with JB, Claudette and Tristan and Isolde, Merlin’s Collies. It had been quite funny, really. While the Collies watched the whole procedure utterly unimpressed, Claudette and JB seemed to be delighted by the extra attention they were getting. They had put the little pug in all kinds of baskets and bags to carry him around and after a few hours JB kept completely still in whatever he was carried in, in exchange for delicious treats, of course.

 

Eggsy had been more than happy to see JB again and had cuddled with him the whole time but naturally they couldn’t smuggle JB in every single time, so they had to find other ways to cheer Eggsy up. They had told him all about the training and Roxy had shown him all the clips from the training she had filmed with her mobile phone, but once there wasn’t more to show or to tell, Eggsy became wretched again. Even the anecdotes about JB’s intolerable behaviour and the fact that Claudette seemed to be not the tiniest bit better regarding her manners seemed to lose their effect.

 

 Merlin didn’t know what to do anymore and he thought that there was only one thing that would make Eggsy happy again, but seeing as there still have no changes in Harry’s condition and even Merlin found himself not believing in Harry’s recovery anymore, the situation became almost hopeless. The fact that Eggsy refused to talk about the possibility that Harry might never wake up anymore or how he was feeling at all only made it worse. Eggsy had to face his fears, there was no way around it.

 

When Merlin had left Roxy and Eggsy alone to go back to the manor to catch up on some paper work again, Roxy knew what she had to do, Merlin and she had talked about it beforehand and thought it best, even if that meant they had to push Eggsy.

 

‘Eggsy, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but, to be honest, it drives me round the bend! You shut yourself away in this room and refuse to talk about what we don’t want but all fear and I won’t have it anymore! I’ll only go if you talk to me. I thought we were friends, Eggsy. I thought we could talk about anything. I thought –‘

 

Suddenly, Eggsy’s had enough.

 

‘There is nothing wrong with me, Roxy. I don’t need to talk and I don’t need help! I just don’t –‘

 

‘Gary Unwin!’

 

The words became stuck in Eggsy’s throat at hearing his real and full name. The only person who called him Gary was his mother, and even she only did it when she was particularly angry with him. He stared at Roxy, wide-eyed and utterly astonished.

 

‘I didn’t mean to scare you, but you really have to let it out. Watching you like is making me sick with worry. Please Eggsy, talk to me, let me help you.’

 

When Eggsy looked into her eyes and found nothing but genuine sympathy and worry, he sighed. He didn’t want to talk about his fears, talking about feelings had never been one of his particular strengths, but he knew he had to, not only for Roxy, but also for his own stability’s sake. He had to realize and acknowledge the things he feared, had to talk about them out loud. And so he did, although his voice only was something merely beyond a whisper.

 

‘I – Uh, okay – What, what if he’ll never wake up again, Rox?’

 

She had known that Eggsy would say or ask something like this, but hearing it from him, his voice so silent and broken, nearly like a child’s voice, broke her heart. Roxy was overwhelmed by the sorrow she felt, she didn’t want Eggsy to be like this, feel like this. Even the thought was unbearable.

 

‘I know there is this possibility, but I’m sure it’ll –‘

 

‘It’ll be what, Rox? It’ll all be well? You wanted me to talk about what I’m afraid of, so please, let me say it.’

 

Roxy knew he was right, it was just that it hurt so _bloody_ much. She had never had the chance to get to know Harry, the man her friends cared about so deeply, well enough to call him something besides Galahad and now there was the theoretical possibility that she would never have the chance to do so. It wasn’t fair and, even worse, she felt guilty for missing out on this.

 

‘Yeah, sorry, I know you’re right. Go on, I’ll be here.’

 

‘Okay. It’s just, I don’t know what to do, ya know? I’m here with him, spending every waking hour at his side and I can’t imagine doing something else right now. Even leaving him to take a shower feels wrong, like disappointing him again, and –‘

 

‘Wait, why disappointing him _again_? What do you mean?’

 

Right, Eggsy hadn’t told her, he hadn’t had the chance to do so. The first time they had talked to each other after the last task was in the hospital, and he hadn’t thought about telling her while having nothing but Harry in his mind.

 

‘Well, there’s somethin’ I oughta tell you. The last task, you remember?’

 

Roxy’s eyes widened in horror, her expression turning bitter. Apparently she didn’t like the memory either.

 

‘Yeah’, she snarled through gritted teeth.

 

‘I didn’t pass.’

 

Again, Roxy’s eyes widened. This had caught her off guard, she opened her mouth to say something, but there came no words, so she decided to close it again.

 

‘Don’t look at me like that, Rox! I just couldn’t do it. I tried, but Arthur was there, sitting in front of me and I really thought I would shot JB if I pulled the trigger…’

 

‘Yeah, I understand you, it was hard for me too. But I had Merlin sitting in front of me and somehow I knew he would never let me should my baby. I guess it would’ve been different for you if it would’ve been Harry and not Arthur.’

 

Eggsy just looked sceptical and shrugged, this wasn’t the topic at hand.

 

‘Maybe, I don’t know, never thought abou’ tha’. However, I failed and Harry was angry with me. You can’t even believe how furious he was. He told me it was a trick, nothing but a blank and I felt like the daftest person ever to live. I had just thrown away my chance to become someone special, someone worth being. We were in his office when Harry got called to the church where, well, I guess you know what happened there. So, he left still being disappointed and mad at me and said “ _I’ll sort this mess out when I get back!”_. Those were the last words I heard him say until now and I can’t stop thinkin’ that all this was my fault. That, if he wouldn’t have been so angry wi’ me, maybe he would’ve acted more cautiously. If I wouldn’t have been such a failure…’

 

During his whole story, Eggsy had looked down at his fingers, searching for something that wasn’t there. When he finally looked up and his eyes met Roxy’s, Eggsy saw that there were tears running down her cheeks and she was swallowing hard to suppress a sob.

 

‘Don’t – Don’t for a single second think that you’re a failure, Eggsy Unwin. You’re the – most – precious friend I’ve ever had… And it would break me – to lose you. And this wasn’t your fault – not at all. No one – could’ve predicted that, not – not even – Harry.’

 

Everything she had said was interrupted by uncontrolled sobs and gasps for air and Eggsy immediately felt as heartbroken as she looked. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in for a tight hug, rocking the two of them back and forth while Roxy, between her crying-induced hiccups, repeated over and over again that none of this was Eggsy’s fault and that she was incredibly sorry for him. He wanted to sooth her, but found his own voice hoarse and broken as he was crying himself. He had finally told someone about the guilt he was feeling and about the fears he has and although neither would disappear in an instant, it felt like the burden was lifted from his shoulders.

 

When Merlin came back to the hospital two hours later to take Roxy back to the manor, he found Eggsy and Roxy lying on Eggsy’s bed, hugging and comforting each other. They obviously both had cried for a long time, their noses were red and their eyes puffy, but they seemed to be fine apart from that. Merlin had been right then, this was what Eggsy, and apparently Roxy, too, had needed.

 

 

During the next few days, Eggsy and Roxy settled for some kind of routine. Roxy, who visited every single day since they had cried together, came in and Merlin left the two of them alone for quite a while. In this time they would be completely honest with each other. Eggsy would tell Roxy about losing his hopes of Harry ever waking up, about that he didn’t know what to do if Harry never woke up again, about how he regretted he didn’t say what he really had wanted to say. Roxy, on the other hand, told Eggsy how afraid she was that she would never get “her old Eggsy” back, about how she doesn’t know what she’ll do if Eggsy never comes back to Kingsman and even about how she is afraid of showing Merlin the depths of her feelings towards him because she feels to young and inadequate for him.

 

After these moments of utter honesty they comforted each other and tried to help each other. In these days, they realized, they had to be honest with each other to get somehow out of this without losing all of their sanity. It was a hard task at hand, but they would manage, they had to. For Harry, for Merlin, for themselves. They were Kingsman agents, they knew how to survive.

 

Merlin was glad that Roxy and Eggsy finally acknowledged their fears and talked about them. No matter what would happen, they would need each other in the future. Being a Kingsman agent was a hard business and having someone who really understood you and what you’re doing was essential. He knew what he was talking about, the person who really understood him, the closest friend he had, lay in a hospital, unconsciously and not in the condition to talk very soon and the magician was horrified by the thought of losing him.

 

So, Merlin let them have their routine of honesty before entering the room himself. Of course, Eggsy still was rather dejected, but he was somehow at ease with himself and his feelings and Merlin found this indeed was an improvement. It had been two weeks and five days since Harry had been brought to the hospital and Merlin was willing to see this as a victory, small as it may be.

 

  

 

* * *

 

 

  

Everything was dark around him. Why? Hm. Apparently his eyes were closed, he tried to open them, but failed. He’d try again later.

 

Where was he? Not at home, the bed was far too uncomfortable. Not at the manor, either. So where?

 

He couldn’t see it right now, so what did he learn as a spy? Arthur’s voice was in his head: _Rely on all your senses, Harry. You don’t need your eyes._ Right then.

 

The first thing on his mind was taste. Unpleasant. Nothing in particular, but disgusting either way. Like not having his teeth brushed for ages. Urgh. He moved on.

 

What did it smell like? Something aggressive and unnatural. Clinic. Antiseptic. Disinfectant. And the faint note of something familiar, something comfortable. Something good.

 

Okay, that was smelling. Which other senses did he have?

 

Hearing. What did he hear? It was rather quiet. Beeping in the background. A steady beeping. He knew that sound. From where? Television? He couldn’t remember. There were voices, but they seems to be far away. Muffled. By what? Was his hearing damaged? No, he had heard the beeping clearly. Something else then. Walls, maybe. Maybe he was in a separate room. Quite realistic. What else? Something quiet and soothing, right next to him. A steady rhythm. Inhaling, exhaling. Someone, was breathing. Himself? He stopped his breathing for a moment. No. It was still there. Someone else. Another person. Who?

 

He couldn’t hear anything else, another sense then. The last one, feeling. What did he feel? He was lying, apparently. On his back. His head rested on a pillow, it was soft. Too soft. Not his pillow. Headache. But not a usual headache, something different. More intense, deeper. Had he hurt his head? Yes. He didn’t know how, but that must be the case.

 

Hospital then, he was in a hospital. What happened? He tried to remember, but he couldn’t. Everything was blurry.

 

Wait. There was something else. He felt something else. His hand was touching something. Something besides the disgustingly itchy sheets. Something warm and soft. Pleasant. Skin.

 

The breathing! The other person was next to him, touching him. _Who_? He needed more data. What else? Next to his hand, the bed felt awkward. Dipping. It was dipping down. Weight, something heavy was lying next to him. What? Whatever it was, it was touching his arm. No skin. Fluffier. Hair? Yes. A head then. Only the head, but breathing. Where was the body? Must be next to the bed. Maybe sitting. Only touching his hand and arm. But _who_?

 

He knew the person. That’s for sure. Wouldn’t be in the room otherwise. Wouldn’t be allowed. Someone familiar, someone pleasant. He didn’t know. He had to open his eyes. But he was tired, head was aching.

 

 _Get a grip, Harry!_ Merlin, in his head. He was right. He took deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Then he tried to open his eyes. Slowly. It hurt, but he had to do that. He had to know. Essential. _A good spy always is aware of his surroundings._ Arthur was right.

 

Bright. Too bright. It hurt. He closed his eyes again. Next try. He lifted the lids ever so lightly. It was bright. Daylight. White walls. Yes, right, hospital. A painting. Hideous. Not important now. Who else was there? He couldn’t see at this angle. Needed to move his head. That would hurt.

 

Another set of deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Too soon, more breaths. Four. Five. Six. The dipping was at his left side. Had to move head to the left then. More breaths. Seven. Eight… Now!

 

He turned his head. Slowly. Ouch! Stiff neck. Everything felt stiff. How long had he been here? Later. _Concentrate on the task at hand, Harry!_ Yes, Merlin, you’re right. You’re always right. He still couldn’t see who was there. A bit more turning. One more breath. And more turning. And… there we are.

 

Someone was sitting next to him, head on his bed. Why? It looked uncomfortable. He remembered. Deep, even breaths. Sleeping. But who? Short hair, light brown. A man. Not Merlin, no hair. Not Arthur, grey hair. Eggsy!

 

Eggsy was sleeping next to him. Holding his hand. He was warm. Comfortable. Eggsy was here. Everything was well now. He had to wake Eggsy. How long had he been here? Too long. He had to know Harry was awake. Harry tried to move his hand. Nothing. He felt his muscles but they didn’t move. Too soon to move. What else then? _Talk to me, Harry!_ Yes, Merlin. He had always hated it when Harry didn’t talk on a mission. He needed to talk now. Ouch. Sore throat. That would be hard, but he had to.

 

He slowly opened his mouth, getting used to the feeling of cold air in his throat as he slowly breathed. He was so tired. He had to try before he fell asleep again. Now! …. . Nothing. Again! …. . Nothing. Oh, he was so tired. One last time, with full power, with everything he could bring up right now. Deep breaths. _Brace yourself!_ He would. One. Two. Three.

 

‘Eggsy…’

 

Harry managed to breathe out the boy’s name one time, only a hint of voice audible, before his eyes fluttered closed and the darkness embraced him once again.


	9. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Eggsy finally get to see each other again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!
> 
> I'm really sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, but my beta-reader Lena and I had a lot of work to do for uni, so the writing had to stand back:(

When Eggsy woke up again, his back ached. Of course, the beds the hospital provided weren’t comfortable, but this was worse. He opened his eyes and found himself at Harry’s side, his head next to the older man’s arm. Apparently he had fallen asleep while sitting next to Harry again, not that it would’ve been unusual. It wasn’t, really. Regarding the fact that he never found peace in his sleep, he would quite often fall asleep during the day, taking a nap wherever he sat or stood.

 

Eggsy let go of Harry’s hand and stood up to stretch his sore muscles. He really had to work out again, he mused. After months of training and hitting physical boundaries, his body had gotten used to the exhaustion and, now that it was missing, longed for it. He wanted to put his headphones on, turn the music up to full volume and go on a run, he wanted to run until his lungs burned and his legs gave away under him. It would clear his mind, the music driving all bad thoughts out of his head.

 

But there still was Harry and Eggsy realized he couldn’t leave even if he wanted to. He didn’t want Harry to be alone. Eggsy regarded the man lying in front of him. Harry was still pale and his skin looked like wax, his eyes were closed and his hair in disarray, but something was different. He had got so used to looking at the unconscious man that he had taken in every wrinkle around his eyes and every streak of grey hair, but now that he wanted to spot the difference, he couldn’t find it.

 

There had to be something, he couldn’t be so wrong, so he tried to recall what had happened before he fell asleep, what Harry had looked like then. He had talked to Harry, like he always did. The doctors had told Eggsy that there is no evidence that coma patients aren’t totally unaware of their surroundings, so he gave it a try. Even if Harry couldn’t hear him, it felt good to tell him something when he felt lonely in the evenings, when Merlin and Roxy were gone and Eggsy didn’t want to go to sleep because he didn’t want to face the nightmares that haunted him at night.

 

He had told Harry about JB and how Merlin and Roxy had trained him to take him to the hospital, how JB had sat on Harry’s bed, nuzzling the man’s hand, begging for one of the belly rubs he usually received from the older man. Eggsy was sure that the pug missed Harry, too, he had always been particularly good with dogs. Even Claudette, who tended to be shy with everyone except Roxy, loved Harry beyond measure and was begging for his attention. Maybe Eggsy should try to convince him to get a new dog of his own. Once Harry was awake and home again, it would be good for him to have something to care for.

 

After that, Eggsy couldn’t remember something else, so guessed he had fallen asleep then. He looked at Harry’s figure, looking for the difference he missed. What was it? There had to be something, he felt it and his sense usually didn’t betray him. Maybe a different angle would do the trick, so Eggsy stood up and stepped to the end of Harry’s bed, scanning the man in front of him from his feet up to his head.

 

His feet were still resting under the blanket, next to each other. No changes there. The same applied to his body, both hands neatly laying next to it even the hand Eggsy always held when he sat next to Harry and talked to him. So it had to do with his head. Eggsy went back to his chair and sat down again, moving the chair up so he sat right next to Harry’s face. He looked at the older man’s face intently, trying not to miss a single sign that something had changed. There was nothing. Eggsy turned Harry’s head slightly to take a look at the side of his face he had been lying on. There was – Wait!

 

The side he had been lying on!? Ever since Eggsy had entered Harry’s room, the man had been lying flat on his back, the tip of his nose pointing to the ceiling while the back of his head rested on the pillow. Now, Harry’s head was tilted to the side as if looking at Eggsy. How did that happen? Had Harry been awake and had looked at him before falling asleep again?

 

Maybe he hadn’t, maybe Eggsy had just shoved Harry while he was asleep next to Harry, causing the older man’s head to lean over slightly. But, if that was the case, wouldn’t Harry be facing the other side of the room, not the one Eggsy was sitting on? There was only one explanation.

 

How could he find out if Harry had actually been awake? He had nothing more than a little clue, but he knew he couldn’t ask the nurses or doctors. They would think he had fantasized because he didn’t get enough sleep, had only seen it because he wanted to. He had to wait.

 

* * *

 

 

When Merlin stood in front of the hospital in the early afternoon, he took a halt to prepare himself for the sight he was about to encounter. It was right, ever since Roxy and Eggsy had talked, the boy had become much better, but in situations where he thought no one could see him he still had that sad expression in his eyes which made him look several years older. Today, Roxy wasn’t with Merlin because Claudette seemed to be ill and Roxy didn’t have the heart to leave her at the manor alone. Eggsy would surely understand, but he would be disappointed nonetheless.

 

Merlin entered the hospital and rode the lift to the 7th floor. He would have been able to find Harry’s room in his sleep by now, but the uneasy feeling in his stomach never really ceased when he walked down these floors. Subconsciously, Merlin seemed to be waiting for something to happen, something that would turn his world upside down.

 

He stopped in front of Harry’s room and peered through the window, a habit that had developed during the last two weeks. Eggsy was sitting next to Harry, as he always did these days. But something was different about the boy. Normally, he had just sat there, looking sad and tired, occasionally talking to Harry in a soft and calm tone, but now, he seemed wide awake, even excited. Apparently something had happened, so Merlin opened the door.

 

‘I know you can hear me, come on, wake up again. Do something, anything. Move your hands or something like this. Please.’

 

Again? Wake up again? Merlin couldn’t believe his eyes, or rather his ears? He suddenly forgot about decency and politeness, he had to know what was going on.

 

‘What did you just say?’

 

Eggsy nearly jumped when he heard Merlin’s voice, he clearly hadn’t expected company.

 

‘I told him to wake up or to do something, why?’

 

‘No, no, no, you said “Wake up _again_ ”! Why again?’

 

‘Oh, yeah, I did. Well, it’s complicated. I mean, it really isn’t, but – I don’t know. You won’t believe me anyway.’

 

Merlin looked at Eggsy quizzically, not sure what to make of the boy’s indecisive behaviour.

 

‘Eggsy, you can trust me, you know that. I can’t promise I’ll believe you, but I can promise not to make fun of you, you just have to be honest with me. So, what is it?’

 

Eggsy looked from Merlin to Harry and back to Merlin, obviously searching for the right words to explain what had happened sufficiently.

 

‘Okay. I guess you know that I don’t sleep well and I tend to fall asleep during the day. Today, I feel asleep while I sat next to Harry. He lay there like he does now, I told him something and I fell asleep without realizing it. When I woke up again, I noticed something was different. I didn’t know what exactly, but I had this feeling, you know. And then I saw it, his head was turned, turned towards me.’

 

Merlin looked at Eggsy, dumbfounded. It wasn’t much and normally he would have shrugged it off as an illusion, but he knew Eggsy. He had seen the boy in front of him fight and train, his instincts were precise and so were Merlin’s. And his instincts told him to trust Eggsy.

 

‘So, you think he had been awake when you were asleep and he turned his head to look at you? And then fell asleep again without you noticing?’

 

‘I know, it sounds completely crazy, but look, I asked one of the nurses if, hypothetically, Harry woke up, there would be a way we wouldn’t notice it. You know what she said? She told me that most probably he would just wake up for a few moments before falling asleep again. After such a long time it would be very exhausting for him and it would take a while until he could stay awake for a longer period of time.’

 

Merlin furrowed his brow, considering all the given facts and possibilities.

 

‘It indeed is a possibility, but are you sure that, well, you didn’t just move while you were asleep and somehow bumped him so that his head turned?’

 

‘Yeah, I thought about that, but wouldn’t his head, if I really shoved or pushed him, be tilted to the opposite side and not towards me?’

 

Again, Merlin had to agree to what Eggsy said, it was nothing but logical.

 

‘Besides, if that would be the case, wouldn’t it have happened earlier? I mean, I fell asleep next to him almost every day for the past two weeks and, what is it, six days now. It’s highly improbable that this only happened now. I already thought about all of this, Merlin, and in my opinion, only one conclusion makes sense: That Harry had been awake and couldn’t talk yet, so he moved a bit.’

  

* * *

 

 

Later that day, Merlin had left a while ago and Eggsy was alone with Harry again, Eggsy started to doubt himself. Maybe he really had just shoved Harry so that his head had tilted to the side?

 

Merlin and Eggsy have been sitting there for hours, trying to find even the slightest movement in Harry’s posture to prove Eggsy had been right. There had been nothing and both men, even if Merlin had tried to be as cheery as possible, started to doubt that Harry had been awake and, even worse, they doubted that Harry would ever wake up again.

 

Both of them knew the statistics. With every day, every hour, in fact, the probability of Harry waking up and fully recovering decreased more and more. What would Eggsy do with Harry gone? He hadn’t known three weeks ago and he didn’t now. A world without Harry Hart was nothing worth imagining.

 

‘Harry, I don’t know if I just saw what I wanted to see or if it was real, but I really need a sign. I – there’s nothing I can do and I feel so helpless without you. I feel like the boy I was before I met you, without a perspective, without a purpose and without a life. Please Harry, I beg you, you can’t stay away.’

 

Eggsy hadn’t even realized that he had started crying again, but the tears were streaming down his face, hot and wet onto his and Harry’s joined hands where they landed after dripping down from Eggsy’s chin. Normally he hated crying and would despise himself for doing it, but this, this was completely different. If Harry didn’t wake up again, there was no way back for Eggsy. He would stay in this very room, next to this very bed, forever and would never find a way out again, like in a nightmare that didn’t end.

 

He sighed, it wasn’t worth it. Harry wouldn’t come back, he would stay like this until his heart stopped eventually and Eggsy would have to find a way to move on.

 

‘You really can’t hear me, can you? Seems I just have to let go.’

 

And so Eggsy did, he let go of Harry’s hand but when he wanted to get up and go to bed, he felt a pull. Something was holding him back, or rather someone. He turned around cautiously, not daring to let his hopes rise again. He may had let go of Harry’s hand, but when Eggsy looked down to where their hands were joined, he found that Harry hadn’t let go, the older man’s hand holding Eggsy by his wrist. Eggsy, his eyes blown wide and his mouth slightly opened in disbelieve, stared at Harry.

 

‘Don’t … leave… please’

 

Harry’s voice was a whisper and if Eggsy hadn’t seen how Harry’s mouth had moved he would’ve thought he’d imagined it.

 

‘Harry! No, no of course I won’t leave you, I’ll never leave you. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said this, I was just – Oh God, I thought I’d never see you again, I thought I’d lost you.’

 

The tears, which at first had quietly streamed down his face were now accompanied by uncontrolled sobs. Eggsy felt so happy, so relieved. Harry was back and Eggsy would do everything in his power to keep him right there, breathing and conscious.

 

‘ ‘M here, Eggsy. Won’t go away. Promise.’

 

There was a slight smile on Harry’s lips and Eggsy couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Absentmindedly, Eggsy just stared at Harry, paralyzed by the overwhelming emotions. Only when Harry tried to move and winced, apparently suffering from his head injury, Eggsy’s mind snapped back.

 

‘You hurt, don’t you?’

 

‘Mhh’

 

Eggsy pushed the button for emergencies and told Harry not to fall asleep again, a nurse would come and would give him something to ease the pain. Harry nodded, clearly struggling to stay conscious. A couple of seconds later, a nurse stormed into the room, seemingly thinking that Harry’s heart had stopped. Eggsy just grinned at her.

 

‘He’s awake!’

 

Then, he turned to Harry again.

 

‘Come on Harry, tell her you’re awake!’

 

Instead of telling the nurse he indeed was awake, he slowly nodded. After such a long period of time, even the few words Harry had said were too exhausting.

 

The nurse stood there for a few moments and looked like Eggsy when he found out that Harry woke up, but then she suddenly started to move again and called out for a doctor who came in an instant. Eggsy moved to the side to let the doctor work when Merlin came to his mind. He had promised the magician to contact him as soon as there was any news.

 

The phone rang only once before Merlin picked up, he clearly hadn’t been sleeping.

 

‘Eggsy, what is it? What happened? Did he – ‘

 

The panic in Merlin’s words was unmistakably there, but Eggsy didn’t even let him finish.

 

‘Merlin, he woke up! Harry’s awake! And he talked! He can talk and he held my hand, so he can move!’

 

At first, there was silence on the other side of the line. Merlin clearly had to process what he had just heard. When Merlin started to talk again, he sounded like Merlin the handler, all business and determined.

 

‘I’ll be there in 15.’


	10. A little Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is still awake and he and Eggsy get to know each other a bit more while Harry gets the impression he misses something of huge importance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, I'm such a bad author, I uploaded this WAY too late, I'm sorry for that. I've been on holidays for 3,5 weeks and wasn't really in the mood, but now everything is back to normal and I'll try to upload regularly:)
> 
> As always, Kudos and Comments are immensely appreciated:)

Merlin arrived fourteen minutes later and when he came bursting into the room, his breath came shallow and irregular. Eggsy looked up at him, smiling from ear to ear, barely noticing that the magician had apparently taken the stairs instead of taking the lift. The years of being a handler had left their marks, where Merlin once had been at his physical peak during training, his long limbs moving with the exact same grace one could normally see in Harry’s movements, he had gotten used to sitting in front of monitors, coordinating rather than being in the field. He thought he definitely had to work out again and put that on his mental to-do list.

 

But that wasn’t important right now; Merlin just hoped he wasn’t too late, that Harry wasn’t asleep again. But he seemingly wasn’t as Eggsy, who had turned back to Harry, was now soothingly talking to the older man in front of him as if not to startle him too much.

 

‘Hey Harry, look, Merlin’s here. I told him you woke up and he came here to see you’

 

At first, Harry neither moved nor spoke and Merlin almost dreaded that Harry was already sleeping again, but after a few more moments Harry slowly opened his eyes and smiled weakly while he turned his head in Merlin’s direction. The magician suddenly felt overwhelmed by his feelings, and, now that his oldest and best friend finally came back from the almost dead, he felt how much he had missed Harry, how afraid he had ben that Harry would never wake up again.

 

When Harry finally spoke, it still was nothing more than a whisper, but to Eggsy and Merlin it was the most gorgeous sound.

 

‘Hey, old friend. Good to see you again.’

 

Harry’s voice still slurred a bit, but Merlin thought this was more of a sign for his tiredness and not for possible brain damages. He was just glad that Harry talked at all, knowing this was a huge success regarding the fact that he was unconscious for almost three weeks.

 

‘Hey Harry. I’d say the same, but honestly, you’re not such a pleasure to look at.’

 

Eggsy shot a glaring look over his shoulder in Merlin’s general direction, but Harry only chuckled at the cheeky comment.

 

‘Count yourself lucky then, this is the first time you look better than me.’

 

Merlin grinned broadly, Harry was back and on the best way to become his old self again. He couldn’t have been happier but apparently Harry became more and more tired, being awake seemed to exhaust him extraordinarily, so he figured that going home would be the wisest decision. Now that Harry was awake he could come back the next day, surely his friend would already be in a better condition by then.

 

‘Well then, I guess you need some more rest, or we will never get you up again. I’ll go back to the manor, tell everyone that you are finally back amongst the living, although you still don’t look like it. Maybe you should come with me, Eggsy. Harry surely needs –‘

 

‘NO!’

 

Eggsy tried hard not lose his self-control entirely and to keep himself from shouting, but his exclamation had apparently been loud enough to make Harry’s and Merlin’s eyes widen in surprise. He looked down immediately, his cheeks blushing from embarrassment.

 

‘Sorry, I mean – I – if Harry wants me to, I will, but…’

 

His voice trailed off, but despite the fact that he had only stuttered some fragments, both older men knew what Eggsy had wanted to say. He would only go if Harry wanted him gone, so Merlin looked from Eggsy, who still stared down at his feet, to Harry and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

 

Harry, of course, knew what Merlin wanted to hear and he also knew that a night in the manor would probably be the best for Eggsy, but, deep down, Harry was selfish enough to decide against what would be best. Not that he would ever admit it in front of Merlin, but he didn’t want to be alone so shortly after waking up, the fear of falling asleep and never waking up again was too overwhelming and Eggsy was more than a pleasant company. He really wanted the boy to be in this room with him, wanted him to stay as long as possible, the selfish part of his personality clearly getting a bit out of hand.

 

‘It’s okay, Merlin. Let him stay, if he wants to, it doesn’t bother me.’

 

At this, Eggsy looked up and smiled at Merlin triumphantly before looking at Harry, practically beaming with relief.

 

‘Thanks, Harry! I won’t disturb you, I promise. I just want to be here.’

 

Merlin internally shook his head while a slight smile played across his mouth. He guessed he would never understand the dynamics between these two men, but that was okay with him. Let them keep their secrets as long as they allowed him to keep his own.

 

‘Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then.’

 

The magician turned around to walk out of the room but when he looked over his shoulder one last time before going back to the manor, the scene in the room, despite the fact that Harry’s and Eggsy’s only physical connection was their joined hands, could be considered nothing but intimate. These men were looking at each other with such fondness that Merlin felt like an intruder for watching them, so he closed the door behind him and went down the corridor, thinking that maybe all things would fall into place now.

  

* * *

  

Four days after Harry woke up, he and Eggsy were moved into another room away from the ICU, which, as far as Eggsy was considered, was a clear sign that Harry was out of danger. Slowly, everything seemed to be getting better. As the days went by, the doctors ran several tests on Harry to find out that his brain didn’t show permanent lesions.

 

All went well and Merlin and Eggsy did their best to distract Harry a bit from the dull daily life in the hospital. The longer Harry had to stay there, the more he became bored. His whole body ached from lying around all the time and he could almost hear his brain cells scream for some input besides the crap telly he had grown tired of after three days.

 

So, Merlin decided to slowly fill Harry in on what had happened at Kingsman after V-Day, telling him about the basic bits of every mission. Of course, Harry wanted to know everything about the end of the mission that brought Valentine down and asked Merlin about it. He didn’t seem to be surprised when Merlin told him it had been Eggsy who had killed Valentine and neither was he surprised when Merlin mentioned how perfect Eggsy had managed (Merlin left out the delicate bits about Eggsy and the princess, no need to tell Harry about something that happened after the mission had been finished. At least Merlin told himself that was the reason he didn’t tell Harry).

 

Eggsy, on the other hand, settled for the simple side of entertainment. He knew Harry was very sophisticated and intelligent, so they solved crossword puzzles and played quiz games together. Although Eggsy had never particularly enjoyed learning in school and couldn’t learn something by heart even if his life depended on it, he found he could remember all the things Harry said quite easily. All Harry said, no matter how dull the topic initially seemed to be, mesmerized Eggsy, and tantalized him.

 

One day, Harry told Eggsy about the Arthurian legend, the fundament of their agency, when one of Harry’s doctors and a nurse came in while Eggsy was completely lost in the tale. Eggsy hated the both of them for interrupting. He had never bothered with the Arthurian legend, classic literature had never really been his area, but now that he had been introduced to it, he couldn’t get enough. Harry had already told him a lot, but Eggsy wanted to know all of it, and he wanted to know it now. The only thing that kept Eggsy from sulking was the fact that there had to be important news for the doctor coming in himself.

 

When the two physicians came in, Harry and Eggsy looked up to greet them. Them disturbing the tale may have annoyed Eggsy, but he knew how important manners were to Harry, so he forced a smile.

 

‘Good afternoon, gentlemen, we are very sorry to interrupt, but there is something we wanted to talk about with you, Mr Hart. Seeing that all the tests we’ve run so far were very satisfactory, we think now is the time to take the next step toward your full recovery. Today, in two hours to be precise, you will start physiotherapy if you are willing to. We all think you’re ready now.’

 

Harry’s face lit up immediately and Eggsy practically beamed at him. This was a huge step into the right direction and both men were glad Harry could finally make it.

 

‘Thank you, doctor, I’d be delighted to start the physiotherapy today.’

 

‘Very well, I’ll send a nurse in two hours, she will escort you to your appointment and we’ll see each other afterwards, I want to know how you feel by then.’

 

And with that, the doctor and the nurse went out again and Harry continued to tell Eggsy about the Arthurian legend, now citing the poem of The Lady of Shalott.

 

_‘On either side the river lie_

_Long fields of barley and of rye,_

_That clothe the wold and meet the sky;_

_And thro' the field the road runs by_

_To many-tower'd Camelot;_

_The yellow-leaved waterlily_

_The green-sheathed daffodilly_

_Tremble in the water chilly_

_Round about Shalott._

_Willows whiten, aspens shiver._

_The sunbeam showers break and quiver_

_In the stream that runneth ever_

_By the island in the river_

_Flowing down to Camelot...’_

Harry started to cite the first part oft the poem, which he apparently knew by heart, and Eggsy lost himself in it instantly. He had never thought about reading poetry, but hearing it now, Harry’s silken and low voice somehow gliding through the verses was more than enough to make Eggsy read anything Harry could cite, even if it was the bloody telephone book.

 

Eggsy revelled in thoughts of Harry reading poetry to him and his mind wandered around, adding mental images to the idea. He pictured himself and Harry, not in the hospital but in Harry’s home, sitting, or rather lying on his cosy couch. Eggsy, with his eyes closed and his head on Harry’s chest, just listens to Harry reading one of Shakespeare’s sonnets (Sonnet 18, preferably, Eggsy had loved it since Harry recited it for the first time) or Hemmingway’s ‘ _The old man and the sea’,_ one of Harry’s favourite books, Eggsy had found out recently, while his heart thrums under Eggsy’s ear and his free hand rakes through Eggsy’s hair.

 

The scene in his head was just as soothing as it was sexy and Eggsy shook his head to clear his mind again, to shoo these inappropriate thoughts away while Harry, unaware of the fight in Eggsy’s head, still cited the poem passionately.

 

_‘…Singing in her song she died,_

_The Lady of Shalott._

_Under tower and balcony,_

_By garden wall and gallery,_

_A pale, pale corpse she floated by,_

_Deadcold, between the houses high,_

_Dead into tower'd Camelot._

_Knight and burgher, lord and dame,_

_To the planked wharfage came:_

_Below the stern they read her name,_

_The Lady of Shalott._

_They cross'd themselves, their stars they blest,_

_Knight, minstrel, abbot, squire, and guest._

_There lay a parchment on her breast,_

_That puzzled more than all the rest,_

_The wellfed wits at Camelot._

_'The web was woven curiously,_

_The charm is broken utterly,_

_Draw near and fear not,—this is I,_

_The Lady of Shalott.'_

 

When he finished, Harry looked at Eggsy expectantly, waiting for the younger man to share his thoughts. Eggsy, completely at a loss for words, didn’t really know what to say. He had been absent-mindedly for the most part of the poem and didn’t really know what to think of it now. The only thing he knew was how Harry citing this poem made him feel, how the sound of Harry’s voice carrying these verses had conjured a complete scenery in his head and how these images had been nothing but…

 

‘Absolutely beautiful and stunning’, Eggsy blurted out, not sure if this was the only thought that had slipped out of his mouth.

 

‘Um, I – I mean, I really liked it. It’s … great actually.’

 

Eggsy lowered his gaze to the floor but was still painfully aware of Harry’s eyes that lingered on him, surely analysing the blush currently appearing on Eggsy’s cheeks. He really had to watch his mouth, it wouldn’t do any good to accidently tell Harry about what he’d been fantasizing about. When Eggsy looked up again, Harry was still watching him closely, a slight smile on his face and his eyes warm with what could have been interpreted as affection. He looked as if he wanted to say something and Eggsy dreaded that Harry somehow had the ability to read his mind, but when the older man spoke, Eggsy was relieved.

 

‘I’m glad you like it, it’s one of my favourite parts of the Arthurian legend, you know’

 

And when Eggsy looked at Harry, he knew this was the truth. Harry admired this particular piece of literature and Eggsy admired how passionately Harry was about it. He envied the older man’s enthusiasm regarding the fact that Eggsy himself never had something to be so excited about. There had always been something in the way. But now, all these “somethings” were gone and Eggsy was free to finally find something to enjoy, something that was only for him. And if this, per coincidence, was enjoying Harry’s passion for literature, so be it. There was nothing wrong about it, was there?

 

So, Eggsy and Harry talked about the poem and about literature in general and Eggsy soaked everything in like a dry sponge, deciding that this would never get boring. He just enjoyed the time they spent together and listened as time whizzed away and they didn’t even realize that two hours had went by when the nurse came in, pushing a wheelchair into the room.

 

When the nurse had brought Harry into the therapy room, there already were a therapist and a nurse waiting for him. The room was simple as his own room was, but Harry guessed that hospitals weren’t really about aesthetics but more about functionality. After the physicians greeted him, they helped him out of the wheelchair and onto the simple examination table placed in the middle of the room so it was easily accessible from all sides. Harry was glad that he would be able to move in some way, but his helplessness still nagged at him. He couldn’t even get out of that bloody wheelchair by himself, there wasn’t a single thing he could do without any help. It was equally unnerving and humiliating and Harry hated every second of it.

 

The nurse helped him to position himself comfortably when she took a step back and the doctor came into view again, explaining what will be happening in the first therapy session.

 

‘First, we need to know how much of their strength your muscles have lost, so we will do some easy stretching exercises. You only have to tell me when you start hurting, even if it just feels a bit uncomfortable, this is essential for the process of your therapy. Do you have any questions? If not, we will start now.’

 

‘I can’t think of any questions right now, so I guess I’m ready to start.’

 

The doctor looked at him intently, as if to search for any sign of discomfort or unspoken questions, but then he nodded and went for Harry’s left leg, positioning himself right at the end of Harry’s feet and started with stretching his toes. Harry showed no sign of discomfort whatsoever, so the doctor proceeded with flexing his foot and stretching it in various ankles.

 

At some point, the doctor looked up at him.

 

‘Did any of this hurt, Mr Hart?’

 

‘No, it didn’t hurt at all. It felt more like a relieve, to be honest.’

 

The doctor chuckled at that, clearly satisfied with Harry’s physical state.

 

‘That’s good to hear. I guess we’re quite lucky that you have taken care of your body so well in the past, you’re unprecedentedly fit for your age, if I’m allowed to say that. I think this will work perfectly.’

 

Harry just smiled at that. He knew that the height of his physique was long over, but he really was fit. Hours of sparring, running and fighting had worked well for him and his body, and despite the danger he always had been in on his missions, he lived quite healthily.

 

The doctor proceeded with stretching Harry’s feet and legs, then going for his hands and arms and Harry could feel all the tension falling from his body. The weeks of lying around hadn’t done any good for him, he ached all over and his muscles felt sore from not using them enough. Being able to finally feel his muscles stretch again was not only his physical relieve, but did something for his mind, too. With every muscle that was moved again he felt a bit like his former self, pre V-Day.

 

He revelled in this feeling, enjoying every minute of it, so he looked up in surprise when the doctor stopped in the middle of therapy and looked at him expectantly, eyebrows raised. Apparently he had asked something and Harry had totally missed it.

 

‘I’m sorry, what was that?’

 

‘I was asking about the boy, what was his name again? Gary, wasn’t it? How is he?’

 

Harry struggled for a moment. Gary? But the next moment it dawned on him, there only was one boy the doctor could have been asking about. Eggsy. The fact that this only was his nickname always budged into the back of his mind and, for Harry, this was where it belonged. The boy would always be Eggsy for him, it simply felt right to call him that. More intimate, somehow, but a few minutes later he realized he hadn’t answered for too long.

 

‘Eggs – Um, Gary’s fine, actually. I think he’s getting better.’

 

He tried to sound casually, but failed miserably. As soon as Eggsy was involved, Harry found he lost all sense. Eggsy meant too much to him, he was like family.

 

‘Yes, that’s what I thought. Now, that you’re awake, I mean.’

 

Harry looked slightly puzzled at that when the nurse, who hadn’t said a word all the time he had been in this room, raised her voice.

 

‘That’s true, actually. It was hard for all of us to watch him sitting there every day right by your side, talking to you as if you were awake and holding your hand. It was heart breaking, to be honest. And he was so happy when you finally woke up. You really seem to mean a lot to him.’

 

He was stunned, there was nothing else to say and he surely wouldn’t have been able to find the words if his life depended on it. Of course, Harry knew that Eggsy had been here all the time, but to hear it from someone else, how Eggsy, his Eggsy, had sat there day after day, talking to him and holding his hand, the thought was unbearable. He could nearly see the boy’s pained expression in his head and he felt miserable. The idea that it had been him who had caused Eggsy so much pain was too much for Harry. He would have to make up to Eggsy for what he had done to him, and he would start as soon as he was back into his, their, room.

 

The physicians, who apparently had caught a glimpse of the battle in his head, looked sympathetically and wanted to turn the mood again for good.

 

‘Well, at least everything’s going to be fine, now. You will be getting better eventually and you and Gary will be able to go home again so you can fully process everything. Maybe, someday, everything will be as it used to be for the two of you.’

 

Harry really liked the idea of everything being fine, but he still expected the worst. He thought about what could happen for a moment when he caught sight of the faces of the two physicians in front of him. Both were smiling at him, but somehow Harry got the impression that their smiles meant something else, that they wanted to say something they weren’t sure how to phrase. These smiles were genuine, but they were hiding something they deemed funny or amusing, and Harry was determined to find out what that was.


	11. Time to confess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where friends look after each other and everyone talks about his feelings.
> 
> So, a lot of fluffy shit, actually :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my beta-reader has a bit of a rough time right now, fighting writers block and so on, so right now I'm my own beta reader. I hope it didn't turn out to be too bad.

When Harry came back to his room after his therapy session, he was awkwardly quiet and Eggsy didn’t know what to make of it. At first, he thought that the older man just was in pain and needed some time to recover, because he was sure such sessions could be exhausting after such a long time of doing nothing but lying all day. But when Eggsy took a closer look at Harry, he was quite sure that he was lost in his thoughts and not in pain.

 

The signs were all there: Harry’s brow was furrowed and his eyes were as sharp and focussed as they hadn’t been in weeks. And although Eggsy knew that there was no way Harry would respond to anything he wanted to ask, he couldn’t help but to admire the view. Harry looked so serious when he was thinking, so sharp and intelligent that Eggsy could hardly stand watching him. He was everything Eggsy wanted to be and more.

 

Harry was smart and kind, strong and caring. And he was beautiful, god he really was. Eggsy loved every single wrinkle on Harry’s face, he loved the way Harry moved, walking or fighting equally. Everything about Harry looked angular and smooth at the same time, he was a walking paradox and Eggsy was fascinated. If he had the chance to, he would follow Harry everywhere he went just to watch Harry act and to be mesmerized by it.

 

Eggsy knew that he really shouldn’t think like this but seeing as Harry, still lost in his head and blankly staring at the wall, was oblivious to his surroundings, Eggsy allowed his gaze to linger a tad longer. He would never get tired of this, Harry was brilliant, the most fascinating human being Eggsy has ever encountered and he was quite sure that Harry wasn’t even trying to do so. That was who he was, his manners, his character, his behaviour. Harry was perfect, even now in his hospital robe, and no one would convince Eggsy otherwise.

 

Eggsy was quite reluctant to tear his gaze away from Harry, but he knew it was better to do so than to be caught by Harry while staring at him longingly. He would wish the ground would open up and swallow him if he was ever caught looking at his mentor like that. Even if this was nothing more than a mere pipe dream, something Eggsy knew would never become true, he also knew it was indecent and not appropriate, not in the slightest. So he refocused on his phone, texting Roxy to ask when she and Merlin would arrive.

 

_Hey Rox, when will u be here? Could do with some distraction_

**Hey Eggsy, dunno, actually. Have to talk to Merlin first. Why? What happened? U okay?**

_Yeah, I’m fine, just having cabin fever, I guess. Want to see something not that hospital-ish_

**Don’t worry, I’ll just go and annoy Merlin a bit, maybe that’ll speed up the process a bit ;)**

_You’re the best! See ya_

**Oh, don’t I know it ;) Laters!**

Eggsy smiled at his phone, glad that Roxy would be here soon and that she was willing to put with every tiny bit of his drama. Once Harry got better and they would be able to go back home, he would take Roxy out for dinner and some drinks and spend a wonderful evening with her. She really deserved that for all she had done for Eggsy.

 

When he looked up from his phone, Harry was looking at him, seemingly finished with his thoughts and raising an eyebrow in question. At first, Eggsy didn’t know why but then he realized how stupidly he was looking at the phone in his hands, as if he was holding the guide to utter happiness. Eggsy cleared his throat and straightened his face a bit.

 

‘Um – Merlin will come over today and he’ll bring Roxy, I hope this is okay with you? It’s just – she hasn’t seen you since – and yeah…’

 

Harry smiled fondly at Eggsy, he could only guess how much the boy missed Roxy, they had grown quite a strong bond during their time and Harry wasn’t naïve enough to believe that he could possibly be an adequate substitute for a friend of the same age.

 

‘Of course I don’t mind, how could I possibly say no when I see how happy you are when Roxy is about to come over so you can spend time with her.’

 

‘Thanks, Harry, and I promise we won’t bother you too much. We could go out for a walk so that you can spend some time with Merlin.’

 

He knew that Eggsy just wanted to make this visit easier for Harry and to give him some space, but Harry felt his stomach clench nevertheless. Although they had spent every day in the last weeks together, Eggsy didn’t unnerve Harry in the slightest. Quite the contrary, to be honest, and the fact that Eggsy thought Harry needed more distance from him really bothered him. It hurt, actually and Harry couldn’t fathom why he felt that way.

 

‘It’s quite alright, Eggsy, I don’t mean to give you any trouble.’

 

Eggsy smiled at Harry, a genuine smile that filled Harry with warmth. How was it even possible that there were people out there who didn’t realize how precious Eggsy was? He smiled back at Eggsy, hoping that his smile somehow expressed how he felt, which it seemingly did, seeing as Eggsy’s smile turned even brighter.

 

‘Trust me, you don’t’

 

And with they just looked at each other and smiled for little longer, before Eggsy turned back to his phone and Harry picked up a book from the bedside table. Neither of them knew who was the first to turn away, but it seemed to be something they had done in mutual agreement. And both of them knew that there was something they soon would have to talk about, but that this wasn’t the right place and time to do so. Therefore, both men just sat there in companionable silence, both content to just be with each other until their time to talk has come, or at least until Merlin and Roxy arrived.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Approximately an hour later, there was a silent knock on the door, followed by a grinning Roxy peeking through the window next to the door, waving her hand like a lunatic. Both, Eggsy and Harry, beckoned her to come in and in the same moment the door swung open and Merlin appeared and stepped aside to let Roxy enter the room first. Neither Harry nor Eggsy missed Merlin’s hand on the small of Roxy’s back when he guided her in and they threw each other amused looks, not needing to verbalize what they were sure the other one thought.

 

As Eggsy had expected, Roxy turned to Harry first, pulling him into a light hug.

 

‘Harry, I’m so glad to finally see you! You can’t imagine how glad I was when Eggsy told me you woke up. How are you?’

 

‘I’m fine, Roxanne, thank you for asking. I must admit I’m also quite happy to be awake again, I originally didn’t intend to lie around uselessly for more than two weeks.’

 

Roxy laughed at that, she had always liked the dry humour Merlin and Harry shared and even Merlin couldn’t hide a smirk when he stepped up to Harry as well and placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

 

‘Good to see you again, old friend.’

 

‘Good to see you, too, Merlin, but you really have to stop calling me old. As far as I know, I don’t look as bad as I did when I last saw you and that means I most certainly look significantly better than you do.’

 

Again, Merlin just smirked; he had really missed their bickering. Roxy, on the other side, gaped at Harry like a goldfish, astonished that the two men were close enough to each other to make such jokes, while Eggsy, who apparently agreed with Harry, laughed heartily. Regarding the fact that she hadn’t really spent much time with Harry in the past, Roxy still had to get used to Merlin’s and Harry’s way to interact with each other, but if Eggsy managed to do that, Roxy most certainly will do so as well.

 

Roxy had again brought flowers and placed them in the empty vase, which was standing in the room, arranging them nicely. When she was satisfied with what she saw, she turned to Eggsy and pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek while doing so. When she let go of Eggsy, she started to speak enthusiastically.

 

‘Hey Eggsy, I’m so happy to see you again! I missed you so much and there is so much I need to tell you.’

 

Eggsy cast a glance in Harry’s direction and saw that he and Merlin were watching him and Roxy silently, both smiling, when Eggsy remembered what he had promised Harry earlier.

 

‘Um – You know Rox, I guess I could do with some fresh air, maybe we can go out and walk around a bit? Think ‘m gettin’ a bit stiff.’

 

Roxy looked at him suspiciously, but knew better than to address the fact that Eggsy normally despised walks fiercely. Instead, she just beckoned Eggsy to stand up and smiled at him.

 

‘Of course, but let’s fetch a coffee before we go out, I desperately need more caffeine to keep going.’

 

Eggsy looked at her while she gestured dramatically as if she was short before dying, and laughed. God, that girl really loved coffee. No wonder she was always wide-awake when Eggsy saw her. With the amount of coffee she drank, it was miracle Roxy slept at all.

 

‘I almost thought you wouldn’t ask. Let’s go then. See ya later, Harry. Merlin.’

 

And with that, Eggsy and Roxy were out of the door while Merlin and Harry just watched them in silence. The older men haven’t spoken since their little bickering and were quite content with that, watching Roxy and Eggsy was far too fascinating to interrupt them or get distracted otherwise.

 

But now, with both of them gone, Merlin and Harry knew that the person opposite had questions that needed to be answered now.

 

‘So…’

 

‘Well…’

 

They had both started to speak at the same time and fell silent again, both snorting a laugh about how ridiculous this was, until Merlin waved his hand in Harry’s direction to indicate that he should be the first one to get his questions answered. Harry cleared his throat, he clearly didn’t know how to approach the topic at hand.

 

‘Okay, we really have to stop behaving like children, so I will ask straightforwardly, more our thing anyways. So, what is this with you and Roxy? And don’t you dare taking me for a fool, I may have gotten a nasty blow at the head, but my eyes work quite well. I’ve seen the two of you entering this room, so don’t even try to pretend and tell me.’

 

The words Harry had chosen seemed to be quite harsh, but Merlin could see the slight smirk and had heard the tone of Harry’s voice. The man in front of him was teasing him. Harry already knew, like he always did, so there was no point in denying it or in getting in a huff.

 

‘Well… Normally, I despise the ‘It’s complicated’ thing, but it certainly is quite complicated. I could talk about her for hours on end, but I wouldn’t even come near to what really matters about her. I can’t find words for it and I guess there isn’t this one big thing that explains it all, it’s rather the small things. She’s a riddle, nearly unsolvable. On the one hand, she’s an extraordinary agent, with eyes sharp like a hawk’s and fighting skills beyond those most men have. Roxy is fierce, loyal and serious and most of the time smarter than she should be at that age. On the other hand, however, Roxy is incredibly charming and kind. She manages to always be funny without ever being mean, her smile is radiant and her dimples give a hint of the happy child she once must have been. She can be both, a carefree and unbridled young girl as well as a graceful and sophisticated lady and she pulls both these personalities off without any effort, it’s just natural for her. And this only scratches the surface…’

 

Merlin’s voice trailed off at that, he knew he had said too much. This wasn’t appropriate, this wasn’t right, but it was the truth, all of it. After all that time they had spent together, Merlin had discovered more and more layers of who Roxy Morton really was, and he had to admit that with each layer, with each revelation, he found himself not only more intrigued with the young woman, he also found that he wanted to know more, that nothing would ever be enough.

 

While Merlin had spoken, Harry had listened to him in silence, intently watching the emotions showing on his friend’s face, and he couldn’t really hide the smile spreading on his face. He had never seen Merlin like this. Merlin had always been a person who found a mistake everywhere, a perfectionist, never satisfied with what he had to work with. Well, these days were over now; Merlin had found a seemingly faultless masterpiece.

 

Harry knew that after this display of emotion, Merlin would need a moment to dwell on his own thoughts, so he stayed still for a while before he cleared his throat to get Merlin’s attention before he started to speak.

 

‘I hope you realize that I have never heard you speaking of someone so fondly, old friend.’

 

Although Merlin was deliberately avoiding Harry’s eyes and hid most of his face, the crooked smirk on Merlin’s face didn’t escape Harry’s notice. But it looked wrong, somehow. This wasn’t the smug smirk Harry had grown to like during the years the two men had been friends, this expression looked forced, misplaced and … pained.

 

‘But I don’t see the problem there. Maybe my brain still doesn’t work fully, but I do recall you saying it was complicated, but from what you told me before, I can’t see why.’

 

If Harry had thought the crooked smile on Merlin’s face had looked pained, he had to find a new word for whatever it was that was currently showing on Merlin’s face. His expression was strained, bordering the image of physical pain.

 

‘You don’t see the problem, Harry? Honestly? Have you looked at her and then looked at me? I could be her goddamn father! I’m too old for her and it isn’t right. Don’t tell me you haven’t had these thoughts for yourself.’

 

Harry had been prepared for nearly anything, but not for this, because, as reluctantly as Harry wants to acknowledge it, Merlin was right. These thoughts had crossed Harry’s mind several times, especially during their time in the hospital they had forced their ugly appearances more and more into Harry’s consciousness. But now wasn’t the time to talk about Harry’s thoughts and problems, at least not yet, so he tried to bring the focus back to Merlin and Roxy.

 

‘Then, what are Roxy’s thoughts on this?’

 

It was a legitimate question, after all, but Merlin just shrugged.

 

‘What does it matter? I’ve permitted this far too long and will have to put a halt to this eventually. This can’t go on.’

 

Again, it was Harry’s turn to be surprised by his friend. How could someone as clever as Merlin was argue this way?

 

‘What does it matter? Are you even serious? Merlin, as far as I can judge this, the … thing you have with Roxy isn’t a one-way road, so why don’t you give her the chance to decide for herself? There have to be two parts to play that game, and as long as she didn’t stop you, and I’m quite sure she would have done so if she had no interest in you, she seems to be interested to be the other player. You just told me how smart, independent and whatever else she is, she should be capable of making such a decision for herself. Yes, there still is the age difference, but probably, and I’m quite sure of that, it doesn’t bother her at all. If it would have been a problem for her, she wouldn’t have started this in the beginning.’

 

Merlin opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again after a short moment, apparently at a loss of things to reply. Harry could almost hear the gearwheels of Merlin’s brain work to find a flaw in what Harry had just said, but he didn’t seem to find one, so he just looked at Harry, defeated.

 

‘Well, you do have a point there, although I must say I’m not entirely convinced. We’ll see what happens, I guess. But enough of me, what about you? Something you want to tell me?’

 

After all this time they’ve spent together as Kingsman agents, Merlin never failed to astound Harry. Within seconds, his whole posture has changed. As defeated as he may have been before, his last question had been a challenge and Harry had never been a man to duck away. This was Merlin’s version of _quid pro quo._

‘Well, I’m quite sure you’re aware of my … situation, so there is no point in telling you about it, is there?’

 

‘Then why don’t you heed your own piece of advice? If we, more or less, have the same sort of problem, maybe you should do the same thing I’ll do?’

 

Harry threw a disbelieving look into Merlin’s general direction before rolling his eyes. He had expected Merlin to suggest something like this, but Merlin had missed something essential.

 

‘Of course, following my own advice would be a possibility, but there’s something you’re missing. I’m, in fact, sort of okay with the age difference. I mean, yes, it is an issue and everything but ideal, but it’s nothing you couldn’t overcome. I’m not a fan, but there have been other couples, which managed to stay together despite an age gap, so it’s not impossible. My problem is much more delicate than this…’

 

Now it was Harry’s turn to let his voice trail off, he had never imagined this talk to be as difficult as it actually was. Merlin was something like Harry’s best friend, if men of his age had something like this, and he knew that Merlin would listen to anything he had to say patiently without judging him for whatever he felt or did. He just had to find the guts to tell Merlin what plagued him ever since he had admitted to himself that he indeed started to develop feelings for Eggsy.

 

‘Come on, Harry, we can’t sit here all day. I have to go back to the manor later and I’m quite sure Roxy and Eggsy will return eventually, so, if you want a little help, you should talk now and don’t waste time.’

 

Harry only smirked; this was pure Merlin, straightforward and deadly efficient.

 

‘Well, there is the issue, and I don’t call it problem on purpose because, bloody hell, such things aren’t really that important, that I don’t even know if Eggsy is actually gay.’

 

His voice nearly dripped with sarcasm and even Merlin’s face twisted like he had bitten into a lemon. Apparently, he really hadn’t thought of this earlier on, so he didn’t dare to speak, not wanting to say something wrong, especially with the incidents with the princess in mind.

 

‘Yeah, so that’s that, and it’s not as if I just could walk up to him and ask “Hey, I have a little question for you: Are you gay? Because I really think you’re dashing and would love to devour you in whole”. No, that’s not how this is supposed to work. I know he isn’t one of the shy ones, but there’s always the possibility of insulting him.’

 

Merlin knew that it was inappropriate, but he couldn’t hold back his laughter. The imagination of Harry walking up to Eggsy and saying this with a dead serious expression on his face and in a flat voice was too hilarious. Merlin was ready to bet a 100 quid that Eggsy would just gape at Harry with his mouth hanging open. He tried several times to start speaking again, each interrupted by a new wave of chuckles. When Merlin finally got a grip on himself, he looked at Harry again. His face seemed equally annoyed and amused, his expression saying something like “ _Have you finished, now?”_

 

‘Well, let me remind you: You are not actually gay, old friend; so being gay isn’t the only option for Eggsy. And as for the rest, I guess you’ll have to find out, one way or the other. And don’t you dare just sitting around to wait what time will bring. You told me to do something, so I sincerely suggest you do the same. If you don’t make a move, I’ll make you move. And trust me when I say that you really don’t want this to happen.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘Roxy, what can I do?’

 

Eggsy and Roxy were walking around the grounds of the hospital, occasionally passing other, still mobile inhabitants of the hospital with their visitors. It was good to finally move around a bit, it was warm outside and the slight wind was cool and refreshing. All in all, it was a good place to get a clear head, to order your thoughts, and that was exactly what Eggsy intended to do.

 

After getting coffee for himself and Roxy, they had been walking next to each in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts and enjoying their calming surroundings. For Roxy, it was the first time in weeks where she could just take some time to breathe. She had been in the manor all the time, not only completing her own missions but working on a fare share of Eggsy’s missions as well. As long as Merlin insisted on keeping both posts, Arthur and Galahad, unoccupied until Eggsy and Harry were ready to come back and decide whether they want to take them or not, all of the other knights had to work a little harder. It was exhausting, but there was no one in the world she would rather do this for.

 

For Eggsy, on the other hand, this was an opportunity to finally move around a bit. During his days at Harry’s side in the hospital, he had lost one to one and a half stone and in front of the mirror he gained the impression that he had only lost muscles, but not the last bit of fat that the Kingsman training hadn’t demanded yet. Only coming down here and walking slowly for about five minutes left him exhausted. But there had been more important matters do deal with, hadn’t there?

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

Roxy had been rather startled when Eggsy had begun to speak, she seemed to be quite content to just stroll up and down the grounds in silence, but as much as Eggsy wanted her to have some well-earned peace, he really needed to talk. There was no one else to do this with. Eggsy swallowed, this wasn’t going to be easy for him.

 

‘I – Uh – I mean with Harry’

 

Roxy tilted her head and looked at Eggsy with a furrowed brow, she obviously didn’t really know what Eggsy was talking about and needed some further explanation.

 

‘Well, remember when we talked about ya and Merlin?’

 

At that, Roxy’s expression suddenly became a little painful. She knew what all this was about. When she answered, her voice only was a whisper.

 

‘I do.’

 

‘Yeah… It’s – I dunno, Rox. I like him, like, _really_ like him, ya know. But this is the wrong moment, with him being injured and struggling hard enough to recover. It’s jus’ wrong, but I dunno what to do. Maybe I should wait for him to get better, but on the other hand I don’t wanna wait. I see him every day! And every day he reminds me of how much he means to me, being all kind and carin’ although he’s the injured one an’ not me! Sometimes I think I’m goin’ nuts because of holdin’ back all I wanna tell ‘im. But I can’t and…’

 

Eggsy heard his voice getting more and more desperate, but he really couldn’t be arsed to care. This was Roxy in front of him, listening to him, and if he couldn’t be honest to her and let it all out, he could nowhere. She was his confidante as much as he was hers. It was how they worked and he had to let go in front of her. So he took a deep breath to regain his composure and started to speak again.

 

‘And there’s also the age difference. I mean, I don’ care. Harry’s gorgeous an’ he could be ten years older an’ would still be gorgeous, bu’ I think it could be a problem for ‘im. An’ I don’ even know if he’s interested, he could only be friendly or tryin’ to be a father figure or hell knows what. How do ya an’ Merlin handle that?’

 

Roxy had intently listened to all Eggsy had said and had watched him while doing so, but when he had mentioned Merlin, her gaze had shifted to the other side, wandering over the grounds as if the answer to Eggsy’s question was to be found there. She knew she had to answer his question, she owed him that much for being such a good friend and companion, but she had no idea how to phrase it without sounding like an idiot.

 

‘We… Well, I’ll have to tell you eventually, so why bother. We don’t really handle it. It’s – I’m really mad for him, Eggsy and we spend so much time together. He always is my handler when I’m on a mission and even at the manor we go for walks with the dogs and I don’t know what else. But that’s it.’

 

Eggsy’s eyes went wide in disbelieve. If this was the truth, what was the intimate gesture he had witnessed when Merlin and Roxy had entered Harry’s and his room? There was nothing he could say, so he just looked at Roxy and waited for her to say more.

 

‘Don’t look at me like that, Eggsy! I really don’t know what else to do, it’s so frustrating. He’s so nice and kind and charming, and I really think he is flirting with me, but every time I try to advance a bit more or think he is about to make a move, he pulls back, getting awkward and reluctant. What the hell is all this about? He’s a grown up man, for god’s sake, they both are. Why can’t they just get a grip on themselves and tell us what they really want?!’

 

Eggsy, who still watched his friend in silence, was blown by Roxy’s sudden intensity. He had never seen her like that. Normally, Roxy was steadfast and unshakable, in the field and otherwise, and seeing her like that, at unease and unsure, made Eggsy’s stomach lurch. He wasn’t the only one with “maybe-relationship-issues” and was determined to find a solution for both of them, not only for himself. They were in this together.

 

‘First things first, I can exactly tell ya what Merlin wants. He wants you – No Rox, don’ look at me like that – I’ll be damned if this isn’t the truth. And, well normally I’m not the “we should talk” kind of bloke, but I think ya should. If all the signs are there an’ maybe he’s just afraid that ya think he’s too old or this isn’t right or whatever, ya should talk and swipe the slate clean. Maybe there are other ways, but this is the most effective one, sorry mate.’

 

Despite their quite desperate situation, Eggsy couldn’t help but be a bit puerile. It was bad enough as it was, no need to make it even worse by denying themselves a bit of a laugh. And apparently it worked, Roxy giggled slightly, a smug-ish expression on her face.

 

‘Well then, Mr. Know-it-all, if you’re so clever with your easy solutions and cheeky remarks, why don’t you find a way to deal with this for your little issue?’

 

‘Quite easy. The whole world sees how you and Merlin are not so secretly pining for each other. Taking the next step shouldn’t be that hard for the two of ya. I don’ even know if Harry is even interested in me, or in men at general. For all I know he could be married and I wouldn’t have the slightest idea, that’s how much I know about this man. It’s maddening. What if he just cares for me as a friend? What if I make a fool out of myself when I try to woo him somehow? What if he never wants to see me again afterwards?’

 

All these were possibilities Eggsy knew were there but hadn’t dared to say out loud until now. Acknowledging their existence was equally freeing and frightening, seeing as he had no idea how this scenario would end. He had to get more information, but he didn’t know how. It was nothing but frustrating.

 

‘You’re really in love with him, aren’t you?’

 

Roxy’s voice had gone soft and understanding, even empathetic. She knew what it meant to feel like that and Eggsy was glad he could talk to her. He didn’t even want to imagine this conversation with one of the blokes from home. They never had a particular interest in talking about feelings, let out talking about feelings for another man. It was much better this way, so Eggsy answered truthfully while a slight blush spread on his cheeks.

 

‘I guess I am’

 

‘Then we really have to find a way to get the information you need to sort all this out. There’s no way I’m going to let you get hurt, bruv.’

 

Roxy winked at him at the last bit of the sentence and for whatever reason, Eggsy thought that if there was someone in this world able to help him, it was Roxy.

 


	12. The wait was worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Harry has some good news to share

Roxy and Eggsy came back to the room about an hour and a half later, bringing tea and pastries from the cafeteria with them. It was late afternoon, exactly the right time to have tea, and Eggsy knew how much Harry valued a proper tea time, so he thought the little gesture would be much appreciated. After their talk, the young agents were in a better mood, both glad they had told each other what was on their mind, but as soon as they entered the room, their mood fell again.

 

The atmosphere in the room seemed to be tenser than it had been when they had left and Roxy and Eggsy only needed the fraction of a second to know that something was off. The men in front of them were agents, who, under normal circumstances, were able to hide everything if they wanted to, the fact that both of them were still alive was enough of a proof for their proficiency, but there they were, all forced smiles and shifting gazes, as if Roxy and Eggsy had caught them doing something disastrous.

 

Eggsy felt his senses itching, his sharpened agent senses ringing alarm facing this unusual situation, and he wanted to ask if there was something wrong, wanted Harry to tell him if there was a problem he could help him solve, but he held his tongue. If Harry wouldn’t tell him straightaway, he wouldn’t tell when he was asked to. Whatever Merlin and Harry had discussed before they were interrupted, it was meant to be a secret between them, and as much as Eggsy wanted to know everything about Harry, he wouldn’t try to force Harry to tell him.

 

So, he tried to sound as normal and unsuspicious as possible when he spoke up to end the weird silence in the room.

 

‘Hope you’re up for teatime? We brought pastries as well, thought Harry and I need a bit more substance than the hospital food.’

 

They all seemed to appreciate Eggsy’s effort to create a more comfortable atmosphere and gladly took the invitation. While Eggsy settled down on Harry’s bed next to his legs, Merlin and Roxy sat down on the two only chairs in the room, positioning them in a manner that they were facing the two men on the bed. Harry’s bedside table functioned as a not so suitable replacement for a coffee table, but they had to make do.

 

Only after a few minutes, it was like nothing had ever happened, and all of them had forgotten, or at least suppressed, the tensed mood. They just sat there, eating and drinking, chatting about nothing in particular, nothing of importance. Eggsy and Roxy acted like children, the younger parts of them taking over for once, envying each others pastries and trying to steal them from their plates while Merlin and Harry half-heartedly scolded them for acting childish.

 

It simply was a delightful afternoon, the more serious parts of it falling into oblivion as time went by while the utter joy of being together without any pressure took over.

 

As they sat there, their stomachs filled with sweets and tea, all of them content despite their surroundings, Eggsy caught himself thinking that he wished for such days to happen more often. He wanted his friends, by this time he considered also Merlin and Harry as his friends (maybe Harry a bit more than just friends), to come together to do nothing in particular on a regular basis. They were so casual, freed from the restraints their job brought with it, that he felt like he was floating.

 

Once Harry was out of hospital and everything went back to normal, Eggsy thought by himself, he would make it his personal mission to get the four of them relaxed more often. Life was too short to not enjoy oneself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The days went by and Harry got a bit better with every day that passed, although, in Harry’s opinion, it still wasn’t fast enough. Eggsy’s and Merlin’s attempts to entertain Harry with Kingsman stories and quiz games and crossword puzzles lost their effect after some time and Harry became grumpier again. Eggsy couldn’t even hold it against Harry, even he became bored and almost counted the minutes until Harry’s next therapy appointment to sneak out and go for a run to move at least a little bit. It wasn’t nearly enough to relieve the tension, but afterwards he felt a little more like himself again. They really needed to leave the hospital, or otherwise, Eggsy feared, he and Harry would have a row soon.

 

It was one particular boring day, Harry didn’t have a therapy session and Merlin and Roxy were on a mission in Romania so they wouldn’t visit, when Eggsy thought he might be dying of boredom. Nothing held his attention for long and with a glance to the side he noticed that Harry felt the same. From the outside he looked like a man lost in the story he was currently reading, but when he didn’t turn the page after more than five minutes, Eggsy realized that the other man was simply staring at the page, his eyes shifting in a way that indicated he was reading the same sentence over and over again without really getting the content.

 

He needed to do something or his brain would start to dismantle itself only to put it together again. That was when Eggsy remembered his conversation with Roxy. Back then, he had complained that he didn’t really know anything about the man next to him, the man he apparently had fallen in love with and seeing that now was as good as ever, Eggsy thought it was high time to do something about this issue. But how could he start such a conversation? And, more importantly, how would he get Harry to reply? Until now, Harry had been very reluctant to share pieces of information about himself and Eggsy feared that he might have done it on purpose. But knowing that Harry would inevitably see through every clever manoeuvre Eggsy could pull off to get the information he wanted, he decided to settle for the easiest way. He would simply, straightforwardly, ask Harry. He wouldn’t expect him to do otherwise.

 

‘Harry?’

 

‘Hmm?’

 

Harry didn’t even look up from his book, but Eggsy felt that he had his mentor’s attention. His eyes had stopped shifting, he wasn’t trying to read anymore. So, Eggsy went on.

 

‘Can I ask you something?’

 

Harry still didn’t look up as he tried to appear cool and rather uninterested in this conversation, but his face betrayed him. Eggsy could see his mouth twitch to a little smirk.

 

‘I’m quite sure you can, seeing as you are capable of speech.’

 

‘Haha, you’re a funny one today. I rather meant, will I get an answer to my question or will you just ignore it?’

 

‘Shouldn’t you ask your question first before we talk about me not answering it for whatever reason?’

 

This was one reason why Eggsy admired the man next to him. He was witty and intelligent and so very much in his element right now.

 

‘Yeah, right. Well, we’ve known each other for quite some time now…’

 

‘That’s not a question, that’s an observation.’

 

‘Would you just let me finish?’

 

‘Of course, I’m sorry’, Harry said, trying to sound apologizing but failing miserably. He enjoyed this far too much.

 

‘As I said, we’ve known each other for quite some time now…’

 

Eggsy waited for a snarky remark from Harry, but the other man just sat there, grinning broadly and raising his eyebrows as if to say ‘ _I won’t say a word, go on’,_ which Eggsy did.

 

‘And I wondered, well, you know so much about me. You know about my father, my mum, even Dean and my rather fruitless attempts at the military, but I know nothing about you. I know your name, I know where you live and where you work and that’s it. In comparison to your knowledge about me, that’s nothing.’

 

Harry, who had been smiling in the beginning, now looked rather serious, if not worried but he still tried to keep up appearances.

 

‘There still is no question, Eggsy.’

 

Eggsy became a little unnerved now. Harry tried to avoid this topic, but Eggsy had absolutely no intentions to let him do so.

 

‘Oh for God’s sake, Harry! Why? Why don’t I know anything about you? Why did you never bother to tell me anything?’

 

‘Do you remember the first time you’ve been in my private office, Eggsy? Back then, I told you that there are only three times a true gentleman should make appearance in a newspaper. The day he is born, the day he gets married and the day he dies. You can apply that to my private life as well. I don’t talk much about myself because I shouldn’t. All these things, these bits of information, belong to me and the ones I share them with. They aren’t meant to be public knowledge.’

 

Harry knew these were the wrong words even before they had left his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself saying them. When he managed to look into Eggsy’s eyes, he could see the damage he’d caused. The younger man looked at him in disbelieve and when he spoke, the hurt made his voice thick.

 

‘Ah. Good to know, thanks.’

 

And with that, Eggsy turned away, pretending to be focussing on the television again. Harry knew he had to do something about this, he didn’t want to be the reason for Eggsy being upset.

 

‘Okay, that was awfully phrased and I apologize sincerely. I really didn’t mean it that way, Eggsy. It’s just the fact that this is my past, something I am, partly, very glad to leave behind. I don’t want to talk about most of these things, so they stay hidden between me and the people I’ve experienced these things with.’

 

‘Oh, and you think I would’ve chosen to tell you about how my mum didn’t get anything straight after my father’s death? How she never really managed to care for us properly and how she instead chose to fall into the arms of an abusive arsehole? How I had to look after my little sister ever since? Yeah, right, I would totally have done that!’

 

The room was uncomfortably silent now, both men waiting for the other one to be the first to speak. Eggsy knew that what he had said wasn’t fair, Harry had known all these things because he had kept track of Eggsy, because he felt guilty for his father’s death. But he wouldn’t be the first to speak, he wanted Harry to make the next move. Maybe the silence and the feeling that he’d hurt Eggsy was enough to finally draw him out of his shell, to make him talk.

 

Harry struggled. He could see how hurt Eggsy was by what he’d implied and apparently his only option was to open up a bit. It wasn’t that he was ashamed; it just wasn’t easy to talk about his past. But if that was what had to be done in order to make Eggsy happy, he would do it; intentionally holding back and risk him in return was not an option.

 

‘Okay, I guess I have to explain something. The fact that I didn’t tell you anything doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t trust you with the more sensible details about my life. But look at our lives, look at what we do for a living. With every single piece of information I give you about my life, I place you in jeopardy, as well as everything I know about you is a danger for me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I wanted to protect you, at least in the boundaries allowed by our profession. That being said, I know that my attempts at putting you out of harm’s way don’t really interest you, so there’s only one thing left for me to ask: What do you want to know?’

 

Eggsy looked up, finally meeting his eyes and the reluctance in them was clearly visible. He wasn’t sure if Harry was joking or serious, so he just looked at Harry for a few moments, searching for any indicators that could tell something about Harry’s intentions. After a while Eggsy seemingly found what he’d looked for, so he asked the questions he longed to get answers for.

 

‘Well, first of all, where are you really from? You are English, I know, but you aren’t from London, are you?’

 

‘You’re right, I’m not. I was born in Hampshire.’

 

After Eggsy noticed that Harry was really going to answer his questions in earnest, he found the flow and just asked what came straight to his head.

 

‘You said that a gentleman only makes 3 appearances in the newspapers. Seeing as you’ve been born and not dead, at least not yet, there’s only one thing left. Are you, or have you ever been, married?’

 

Harry smiled and panic immediately rose in Eggsy’s chest. He looked fond, too content for Eggsy’s taste and he already imagined Harry talking about his beautiful wife who lived at a safer place than his Kingsman house. What came out of Harry’s mouth, however, got Eggsy by surprise.

 

‘No, I’m not, nor have I ever been.’

 

‘Uh, Oh, I’m – sorry, I guess.’

 

‘There’s no need to be sorry, Eggsy. I always wanted to marry, but I never met the right one, if you want to phrase it that way. But I’m not unhappy. Of course, having a family is one of the greatest things a man can imagine, but I’ve done pretty great things as well, so I guess I’m fine. Even if I think that marriages in my age tend to be a bit cheesy, I’d still be happy to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But as you probably can imagine, finding someone who is willing to tolerate our lifestyle is rather difficult, so I guess my options are limited.’

 

Contrary to all decency, Eggsy felt happy and relieved at hearing that. The idea of Harry being married, unattainable, was unbearable and even the thought of an ex-wife sent a pang of jealousy through his stomach. He didn’t want to share Harry in any way and suddenly the realization hit him: Eggsy was far more gone for this man than he dared to admit and there wasn’t any way back. He had to elaborate on these feelings more intently, Eggsy was well aware of that, but now, with Harry watching him and studying every single reaction, was not the right moment.

 

So, Eggsy went on asking Harry questions which he all answered more or less happily. Eggsy learned that Harry was an only child, that his parents died a few years ago and that he had studied to become a teacher for French and history before he became a Kingsman agent. All these tiny bits of information were pieces in the puzzle that made Harry and Eggsy was over the moon to get all the pieces together to finally see and understand Harry in all his complexity.

 

They talked for hours on end, Eggsy asking questions of various trivialities, while Harry listened and replied patiently and for the rest of the day, none of them was bored until they both went to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Within the following days, Harry’s physiotherapy sessions went on and the progress he made was astounding. The doctors said that his remarkable fitness was responsible for the fast healing and the steady progress, but Eggsy, knowing Harry better than any of those doctors, knew that this was only part of the truth. Of course, the fact that Harry had always looked after himself and his health made a great deal, but that wasn’t all there was to it.

 

What really made the difference was Harry’s iron will. Every time Harry came back after one if those sessions, Eggsy could see how exhausted he was, how the physical exercise drained him of all energy, but the limits of his body didn’t have a say in Harry’s plans. He was determined to get better, not eventually, but immediately, and wanted to leave the hospital as soon as humanly possible, even if that meant to not only pass a limit, but to jump over it. Harry’s willpower was a force of nature and Eggsy knew better than to oppose to it.

 

It was a normal day in the hospital, one of those Eggsy had gotten used to a while ago. They woke up and a nurse came in to check on them briefly, then they had breakfast. They talked or watched crap telly and ranted about how someone was shameless enough to earn money with less than zero talent in acting until they either got visitors (Merlin and Roxy, usually, but until now a few other Kingsman agents had found their way into the hospital to see them, and also Eggsy’s mum and his little sister had paid visit) or Harry had one of his doctors appointments which Eggsy used to go for a run outside.

 

Roxy had made quite an effort to smuggle Eggsy’s sportswear into the hospital without Harry noticing it and Eggsy always made sure to be back and showered before Harry came back, but deep down Eggsy knew that all these attempts were futile. Harry was aware of what Eggsy was doing when he was away, but he never talked about it, fearing that Eggsy might feel guilty about doing something that wasn’t an option for Harry.

 

So, when Eggsy came back from his run this day, he went into the attached bathroom to take a shower before Harry came back, just like he always did. When he was finished and fully clothed again, he brushed his teeth, leaving the bathroom to turn on the telly for a little background noise. The hospital sounds regularly drove him mad, so Eggsy had made a habit of turning on the telly or the radio when Harry wasn’t around, but what he saw when he opened the door to the room made him forget about hospital noises, tellies, radios and everything else.

 

Being lost in his own thoughts, Eggsy hadn’t heard someone else entering their room, so he jumped to the side in shock when he noticed another man standing by the door. The shock lessened when he recognized it was Harry standing there, just to increase again when Eggsy finally noticed that Harry was _standing_ there, grinning like a madman, while Eggsy’s jaw dropped and he gaped at Harry like a fish.

 

After all previous sessions, a nurse had brought Harry back to their room in a wheelchair, so Eggsy had always assumed his mentor still wasn’t well enough to stand or walk on his own, but seeing him now, standing, only supported by crutches, taught him better than to deem Harry too weak.

 

There were a million things Eggsy wanted to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to vocalize them. Harry and Eggsy just stood there, facing each other while Harry still grinned and Eggsy’s unbelieving expression gave way to an equally mad grin. When Eggsy finally managed to say something, it wasn’t one of the things he had in his head like ‘ _When the bloody hell did you learn to walk again?!’_ or ‘ _Why the actual fuck didn’t you tell me you could walk?!’_ , but something that just sprang to his mind.

 

‘Oh my God…’

 

‘You can call me Harry, you know. But seeing as I just managed the herculean task of standing upright and walking a few steps, I guess God is quite adequate.’

 

Eggsy wanted to reply with a snarky comment, but nothing came to his mind. He was too happy, all of his head screaming with the fact that _Goddamn, Harry can walk again and he will really get better and we’ll be home soon and everything will be back to normal._ This was just too good to be possibly true and he wanted someone to pinch him to see that this wasn’t a dream.

 

‘Look at what a show-off he is!’

 

Until then, Eggsy hadn’t noticed the nurse standing in the doorway and watching the scenario, but when Eggsy looked at her, he found her beaming and smiling. She seemed to be genuinely happy for Harry, for Eggsy, for both of them, and Eggsy may be wrong, but for a second it looked like she was about to shed a tear of joy. After a moment, however, she seemed to have collected herself again and spoke again.

 

‘Well, why don’t you share _all_ the good news with Gary, Mr Hart?’

 

At that, Eggsy looked expectantly at Harry again. With him standing and walking again, there could only be one thing left, but Eggsy didn’t really dare to hope that he and Harry maybe, in a few days…

 

‘Of course, how could I forget about that? Eggsy, the doctor’s just informed me that, as long as my condition improves further and I don’t make any steps back in my recovery, they are willing to let me go in a few days as long as I am willing to be regularly supervised by a physician.’

 

Eggsy noticed that Harry’s mouth moved and he heard the words he said, but his brain needed longer to fully comprehend their meaning. When he finally did, his eyes widened and he stuttered more than he actually talked.

 

‘Does… Does that mean we – I mean you – that you can, well, go home? That you can leave the hospital and go home?’

 

Before he answered, Harry smiled at Eggsy and that was more than Eggsy needed as an answer to his question. Overwhelmed by the joy of the moment, Eggsy closed the gap between him and Harry and hugged him fiercely, nearly dragging Harry, who was still wobbly on his knees, to the ground. When Eggsy was sure they wouldn’t fall, he buried his head on Harry’s shoulder so he wouldn’t see the tears forming in Eggsy’s eyes.

 

Harry seemed to understand and let go of one of his crutches to sling his free arm around Eggsy’s shoulder to pull him closer. They were content to be like this, relief rushing through both of them and giving them the strength to endure the last few days in this horrible place before they finally could leave, so none of them let go. They stayed like this, enjoying being close to each other, to share this moment. Even when Harry spoke again they didn’t move, but Harry was sure he felt Eggsy relax even more at his words.

 

‘Yes, Eggsy, _we_ can go home soon.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments, kudos and criticism are always welcome:)
> 
> And thanks to you all for your patience. I know the chapters are coming far from regularly, with the new semester starting and work and everything, but I really appreciate everyone who has read that far. 
> 
> You are awesome<3


	13. The last Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Harry finally returns home, there are some views to be enjoyed and some arguments to be had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are always welcome:)

A few days after Harry had revealed the big news, the day of their departure was finally there. Eggsy had been too excited to actually sleep, so he was up at half past six in the morning and began to pack all their belongings. Harry was still soundly asleep, so Eggsy made an effort to not wake him up, but only after a few minutes, Eggsy’s excitement took over and he ran round like a headless chicken, knocking against every piece of furniture the room held.

 

Harry woke up eventually, disturbed by Eggsy ranting about how everything was in his way while rummaging through every drawer and every spare room that could possibly hold something that belonged to one of them. Everything Eggsy considered to be either his or Harry’s made its way onto Eggsy’s bed, which was covered by two large piles, one for himself and one for Eggsy, Harry supposed.

 

It was a mess and, in Harry’s opinion, way too much to bear in the early morning. But watching Eggsy move around so enthusiastically, so much like his former self, his pre V-Day – self, filled him with so much joy and happiness that he not only endured Eggsy’s rather noisy attempts to pack, but allowed himself the luxury of pretending to still be asleep a little longer to enjoy what little of Eggsy he could see through his almost closed eyes.

 

Eggsy was clothed in nothing but black tracksuit bottoms and a tight white shirt and although Harry has always preferred suits and ties for himself, Eggsy’s sport attire did something to the boy’s silhouette that Harry had no choice but to gaze adoringly at, as far as it was possible without Eggsy noticing.

 

The bottoms, unobtrusive as they might look, hugged Eggsy’s figure and, considering the view Harry got when Eggsy tuned his back on him, made Harry ache to see that backside in bespoke suit trousers. Apparently, the Kingsman training had done its part judging this and the way Eggsy’s shirt stretched across his back and chest, taut muscles becoming apparent under the light fabric.

 

Eggsy’s face, brightened by the anticipation of finally getting out of hospital, was as mesmerising as the rest of his body, at least in Harry’s opinion. He loved the way Eggsy’s grey eyes and his soft facial features didn’t quite match the sharp line of his jaw, showing both, Eggsy’s boyish, cheeky side and the side of the grown-up agent he was now.

 

In that moment, Harry wondered how it was possible that no one else saw all these things in Eggsy, or even more. How could one not see who Eggsy really was, what made him so fascinating, so capturing, that it was hard for Harry, who, to be honest, had seen enough interesting people in his life, to avert his gaze?

 

Harry didn’t have the answer and apparently had no time to think about it just now, because Eggsy seemed to have finished his gathering act and looked around as if to search for something. That was when his eyes fell on Harry’s seemingly sleeping form and Harry managed to shut his eyes entirely just in time. He listened to Eggsy coming closer, stopping right next to him.

 

For a brief moment, there happened nothing. Eggsy just stood or sat there next to Harry’s bed, watching him. Eggsy smelled of Harry’s shower gel and something that was entirely himself, a combination Harry found he incredibly liked. Then, Harry felt Eggsy’s hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him awake.

 

‘Harry… Hey, Harry. Time to get up, we can leave today.’

 

Eggsy’s voice was low and gentle, intending not to startle Harry too much, and Harry would have liked to pretend to be asleep for a little longer just to hear that voice again. But keeping his eyes shut became more and more difficult and he couldn’t quite relax his face anymore, so he slowly opened his eyes to find Eggsy’s face only inches away from his own.

Eggsy’s smile was radiant, and so Harry couldn’t help but smile back at him after he wished Eggsy a good morning, morning breath be damned. Harry did his best to look around sleepily, his gaze settling on the two piles of whatever on Eggsy’s bed.

 

‘Eggsy, what in the name of God is that?’

 

‘I just collected all of our things. So, you know, it is easier for us to pack them when they’re all in one place, so you don’t have to run around.’

 

Eggsy looked down at his feet, aware of the fact that he had made quite a mess of their room and that all their clothes would be crumpled now. But Harry, against all odds, didn’t care about his crumpled clothes or the fact that it would probably take all eternity to get this mess sorted.

 

All Harry could think about was the fact that Eggsy had tried to help, had wanted to help him and that was all that counted for him. He, Harry Hart, who had always gladly declined every other person’s attempt to help, felt flattered by the fact that Eggsy had wanted to help him by pre-sorting their belongings.

 

So, he flashed a smile at Eggsy that would hopefully erase all doubts in Eggsy’s head.

 

‘Thank you, Eggsy. I really appreciate that. I didn’t even think so far.’

 

When Eggsy looked up and registered Harry’s genuine smile, he lost his self-conscious expression and smiled back equally brightly. Eggsy’s smile was so fond and full of trust, that Harry feared he might lose himself in it, but then Eggsy looked away to start packing their belongings so they were ready when Merlin arrived to pick them up and bring them home, so the moment was gone.

 

Before he started to fold his clothes, Harry looked at Eggsy one last time, thinking about the feeling that had spread in his body when Eggsy had flashed his brightest smile at him. _Yes,_ he thought, _I’m definitely screwed._

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Merlin arrived one hour later with Roxy in tow, Eggsy was even more excited than he had been before and behaved like a Chihuahua to whom you spoke in a high-pitched voice. Every other person, Merlin included, would have been annoyed, but while Roxy had gotten used to Eggsy’s childish throwbacks, Harry thought they were endearing.

 

While Eggsy and Roxy were hugging fiercely, both incredibly happy about Eggsy’s and Harry’s return, Merlin greeted Harry.

 

‘Well, old friend, time to get you back home. I just checked everything with the full time nurse, she’ll move into the guestroom in your house and…’

 

‘She’ll what?!’

 

At that, even Eggsy and Roxy fell silent, both shocked by Harry’s sudden outburst. They just stood there with their eyes blown wide, not daring to say a word.

 

Merlin, who obviously hadn’t expected Harry’s reaction, got a hold of himself again and spoke again in his calm, composed manner.

 

‘The nurse, Harry. You’re cleared to get out of hospital, but you aren’t fully recovered. You’ll need someone who looks after you, someone who is acquainted with your condition. You can’t just go home all on your own.’

 

‘Of course I can. I’m neither a child, nor an old and helpless man. I managed to look after myself for quite a while now and I don’t think I did such a bad job.’

 

Eggsy and Roxy still stood there and said nothing, watching as Harry became angrier while Merlin seemed to be annoyed. He had expected Harry to react like that, but that didn’t change the fact that Merlin wasn’t fond of discussing these matters, especially not with someone as stubborn as Harry.

 

‘I don’t know any other way to tell you this, Harry, but there has to be someone around you all around the clock in case you fall and bang your head. If you are alone chances are that your condition gets worse again and I’m sure you’re not really interested in getting send back to hospital. The nurse will also be trained in physiotherapy, so your therapy sessions can take place at home. Everything’s already settled.’

 

Harry still didn’t look very happy. He didn’t want someone to look after him like he was a senile old man who forgot to put trousers on before he went out of the house. All Harry wanted was some peace, to continue his therapy and go back to work eventually. He was just about to argue again when Eggsy piped up after having been silent during Harry and Merlin’s discussion.

 

‘So, you’re basically saying that there just has to be someone around Harry all the time in case something happens? And that this person should call the ambulance and should be able to perform first aid?’

 

Merlin and Harry looked at Eggsy, slight confusion showing on their faces. Roxy, on the other hand, seemed to know right away what Eggsy was hinting, and a mildly smug smile settled on her face.

 

‘All in all, you’re right with that’, Merlin answered, still not sure where Eggsy was going in his mind.

 

‘So, if there was someone who would stay with him in his house and who is able to perform first aid if necessary, there is no need for the nurse to stay at Harry’s house and she would only pop around once or twice a day to check on him and to go through the therapy sessions?’

 

Gradually, Merlin understood what Eggsy was implying and, against Eggsy’s expectations, seemed to be convinced by the suggestion.

 

‘Essentially, that would be all –‘

 

‘No!’

 

All eyes were turned to Harry now and everyone noticed the change of his expression. When he had talked with Merlin, he had been angry, but now his face showed something softer, almost pained.

 

‘What, no?’

 

‘I know what you are implying Eggsy, and I won’t have this. You already stayed here with me all the time and this is already more than I ever would have asked for. I won’t allow that you practically throw your life away to look after me all around the clock. That’s not what I want for you. Merlin, I accept your conditions as long as-‘

 

‘Stop it!’

 

Merlin and Roxy now looked at Eggsy again. He had taken two steps towards Harry so that their feet nearly touched. Although Harry was some inches taller, Eggsy did his best to not be intimidated and looked Harry square in the eye while Roxy and Merlin held their breaths and looked from Harry to Eggsy and back again like they were playing tennis.

 

‘Pardon?’

 

Harry, dumbfounded by the fact that Eggsy seemed to disagree with him, looked like he had just found the proof that the tooth fairy really existed.

 

‘You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do. I’m not the boy you somehow managed to get out of that police station anymore. Not too long ago I rescued the whole damn country, maybe even the whole fucking world, for fuck’s sake! If I think it is a good idea to stay with you, it is my fuckin’ decision. Of course, you can always throw me out of your house, but if there’s one thing you really can’t bloody do, it is to take my decisions away from me! I don’t care that you are Harry fuckin’ Hart and rescued the world more often than any other person in history, but you have no right to do that!’

 

Eggsy hadn’t even noticed that his voice had been getting louder, but he just had to look into Roxy’s shocked face to know that he had nearly screamed. Merlin made a step towards Eggsy, lifting his hand to put it on Eggsy’s shoulder to soothe him, but Harry interfered.

 

‘It’s okay Merlin, I guess… uh… I guess he is right. I’m sorry Eggsy, I shouldn’t have formulated it this way, that was very impolite and inappropriate. I really appreciate your offer and, if you’re still willing to come with me, I’d be glad to offer you my guestroom to sleep in, so you can, uhm, keep an eye on me and make sure nothing that could make my condition worse happens. I’d rather have you with me in my house than any nurse I don’t know.’

 

Harry’s expression was sincere and after only a few moments, Eggsy’s face lit up again. He knew how difficult this must be for Harry, who was used to living alone and always made the impression that he really didn’t need anyone to keep things under control, but the fact that Harry, after a bit of persuasion, decided he wanted Eggsy with him, was a big relief.

 

Eggsy tried to imagine how he would have reacted if Harry had continued to reject him and instantly knew that he wouldn’t have been able to live with that. Even the thought was unbearable, so Eggsy dismissed it immediately.

 

‘Of course I still want to come with you, if that’s okay with everyone else.’

 

Now, Eggsy looked at Merlin, searching for confirmation. Merlin only pulled out his phone.

 

‘Then it’s settled, let me just make a few calls. Eggsy, please carry your and Harry’s bags outside and pack them in the car. Roxy, you go down with Harry. I’ll meet you at the car.’

 

And with that, Merlin was out of the room, phone already raised to his ear, organising the latest changes in their plans.

 

20 minutes later, with all bags stowed in the car’s back and all of them settled in the comfy seats, Merlin pulled out of the parking range and made his way towards Harry’s house. All of them were glad that Harry was free to go home now and that they finally could leave a part of V-Day behind them. But maybe, just maybe, two of the four passengers of the car were a bit happier than the other two, and if the reason for that was that they were quite fond of the idea of spending even more time with each other, none of them mentioned it. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, our guys are finally home and some domesticity occurs, I promise:)


	14. A lesson in Classics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy and Harry are finally at home, Harry's home, and Eggsy discovers one of the miracles that make Harry Hart.

All of them had spent the car ride in silence, knowing they needed to process the sudden changes they were facing, lost in their thoughts.

 

Merlin, who drove the car, had managed to change the arrangements with the nurse he had made beforehand and had instructed someone at Kingsman to collect some more things from Eggsy’s room in the manor to bring them to Harry’s place. He had a feeling that it was better that Eggsy went with Harry, anyway. After years of working together, Merlin had gotten to know how difficult Harry could get sometimes, especially when things didn’t proceed as fast as he wished them to. The poor nurse wouldn’t have had an easy time, but Eggsy would know how to deal with Harry’s moods, Merlin was sure of that.

 

Harry sat in the passenger seat and blankly stared out of the window, not knowing how to deal with the mixed feelings he had about returning home. On the one hand, being out of hospital was quite a relief. He had always despised hospitals and was glad he could return to a more familiar environment where he had the chance to retreat if the need rose. On the other hand, however, was the fact that he still wasn’t allowed to do anything on his own. He would laze around all day, would wait for his therapy sessions and would… well, do nothing in particular. The only silver lining was Eggsy. He had already made the time in hospital bearable, so Harry was sure that Eggsy would also find a way to make their time in Harry’s house rather enjoyable, but somehow, this was the biggest problem. Assuming that living with Eggsy, even under these circumstances, was as pleasant as Harry thought it would be, how, for God’s sake, would he ever be able to let Eggsy go again when all this was over?

 

Roxy watched Eggsy, sitting next to her in the car’s back but not really acknowledging her presence, and asked herself if all this was a good idea. Of course, she would have stayed at the hospital as well if Merlin would have been injured, but she didn’t know if she would moved in with him afterwards. A part of her said she would have done it, another part of her told her this was the worst idea in the history of bad ideas, regarding how far Roxy knew Eggsy was gone for Harry. She wanted to warn him, wanted to tell him that, at some point, Harry wouldn’t need him anymore and that Eggsy would have to move out again, but she knew that Eggsy would just shrug it off and tell her he was able to deal with it as long as Harry’s well-being was concerned. Only she knew he wasn’t.

 

Eggsy just sat in the car next to Roxy, completely unaware of his surroundings, and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He and Harry were finally leaving this dreadful place, a place filled with nightmares, fear and a lot of bad memories. Now, Eggsy was sure of that, better times would come. He’d get the chance to live with Harry, to get to know him even more and to help him to become his old self again after his injury. He would enjoy this time as much as possible because, as sad as it was, Eggsy’s time with Harry could come to an end every single day. So he would make the best of it.

 

After only a few more minutes, Merlin turned into a cobblestoned alley and Harry’s house came into view. Although Eggsy’s memories of this house weren’t the best, he had been in there when he had seen Harry “die” after all, the sight made Eggsy feel warm inside. It was a beautiful house. Built in the style of the late 19th or early 20th century, the white house with its little balcony above the black front door was at the dead end of the alley. It was a terrace house, but that didn’t change the fact that Eggsy thought it was outstanding, just as it was.

 

Merlin put the car to a halt in front of the house and he and Eggsy started to get the bags out of the boot while Roxy helped Harry to get out of the car. Eggsy registered that Harry briefly stopped before walking in, taking a look at the house’s front while a slight smile settled on his face. Eggsy placed the bags he was carrying in the entrance hall and went back out to see Harry still standing in front of the house. Eggsy stood by his side.

 

‘Happy to be back home, hm?’

 

Harry just smiled.

 

‘More than happy, actually. After all that happened, I just didn’t think it was possible for me to ever come back again. I guess I’m just glad that I can come back to a place I can call home, you understand?’

 

Eggsy took a minute to take in the impressions. There was the house Eggsy found oddly familiar despite the fact that he had only been there once, there were Roxy and Merlin, standing a few feet away from them, seemingly chatting casually while their eyes and shy smiles spoke a completely different language and, with a look to the side, there was Harry. And suddenly, Eggsy knew.

 

‘Yeah, I guess I understand quite well, Harry.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Merlin and Roxy were gone, Eggsy brought their belongings into Harry’s bedroom and the guestroom Eggsy would occupy as long as he stayed at Harry’s place. Except for the office, the whole house’s interior was classic and tasteful, fancy but not too over-ornate, just like Harry, and Eggsy had liked it immediately when he first set foot into the house, although he had been furious at the time.

 

When they had unpacked Harry’s belongings and thrown the clothes they had worn in the hospital into the laundry basket, Eggsy suggested that Harry should take a nap. The car ride and the excitement of finally coming home again had left their traces and although Harry didn’t want to rest, he knew that as soon as he sat down, he would drift away all the same. So, after Eggsy was sure Harry lay in his bed and was almost asleep, he went to the guestroom, his room, to unpack his bags.

 

At his first visit, Eggsy hadn’t seen the guestroom, but he liked it just as much as the rest of Harry’s house. The room was large, larger than the room his mother used as a living room, with crème coloured walls, a fluffy fitted carpet and furniture made of dark wood, mahogany or rosewood or whatever, Eggsy couldn’t tell them apart.

 

On the right wall of the room was a double bed Eggsy knew he would love to sleep in. The sheets looked soft and Eggsy immediately felt the need to take a nap, too. But he had other plans. After unpacking his things, Eggsy wanted to do the laundry, so that Harry would see that taking Eggsy home with him had not been a bad idea.

 

Above the bed there was a painting, a little abstract, but somehow Eggsy managed to identify the pastel coloured paint-splashes as flowers and on the bed were Eggsy’s bags. He took his clothes out of the bag and put them into the wardrobe behind him, next to the door.

 

To his surprise, Eggsy found clothes in it. At first, he thought they were Harry’s. The style of the suits and shirts, the dressing gown and the flannel pyjama bottoms perfectly matched Harry’s wardrobe, but when he looked a little closer, Eggsy registered that they were too small for Harry. They must belong to someone else and in an instant Eggsy felt a jealous pang rush through him.

 

Of course, Eggsy knew that this guestroom has probably seen more guests than just him, but the idea that there was someone, a man, who had been here quite often, who had even left clothes, made Eggsy’s stomach turn. He practically threw his clothes into the wardrobe and closed it as fast as possible. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

When all his clothes were stowed, Eggsy took his laptop and mobile and placed them with the complementary cables on the desk on the opposite side of the room. Then, Eggsy hid his bags under the bed so they were out of sight and looked around in the room, realising there was nothing left to do for now. So, he went into the cellar and did the first basket of laundry, taking special care so he won’t ruin any piece of Harry’s clothes.

 

On the way back to his room, Eggsy grabbed a bottle of water in the kitchen and, once he was upstairs, quietly looked into Harry’s room to see if he was still asleep, which he was. He lay on his side, knees drawn up to his body, with one hand under his head and the other one tucked under his chin. He looked like he did in the hospital, but somehow completely different.

 

The surroundings of his own home made Harry’s sleep look more peaceful, more serene and Eggsy immediately thought how handsome Harry looked even in his sleep. When he was awake, Harry was always alert and controlled, a proper gentleman, but in his sleep, Harry looked softer and some of his wrinkles simply disappeared. It was fascinating and before returning to his room to relax a bit, Eggsy just watched Harry sleep another few seconds, a luxury he thought he should be allowed to have.

 

Back in his room, Eggsy opened the small balcony door and took a seat on the wicker armchair, enjoying the view over the small garden behind Harry’s house. As soon as they had settled, Eggsy would ask Roxy to bring JB over. The garden would be just the right thing for JB after the weeks of being separated from Eggsy, and Harry would have something to do with JB around. He loved being cuddled and, at least that’s what Eggsy guessed, Harry missed having a dog around.

 

Eggsy stayed on the balcony for quite some while, simply enjoying the calm, until he saw that the sun slowly went down and he was sure Harry would wake up soon, so he went down in the kitchen only to find that there was nothing in the fridge that would make a suitable sinner. He rummaged through all the cupboards to find something, anything, until he stopped dead in his tracks and listened to the muffled sounds of movement he heard upstairs.

 

‘Harry? You okay?’

 

‘Yes, I’m coming down.’

 

That was when Eggsy heard the stair lift, something Merlin managed to get installed before Harry moved back in and Harry had scowled at when he first laid his eyes on.

 

 _“I’m not an old man, Merlin”_ , he had said and Merlin had just answered, _“I know, but you’re an injured one. And Eggsy has promised me to tell me if you try to climb or descend the stairs on your own.”_

As far as Eggsy remembered, he had never promised such a thing, but he knew bringing this up now wasn’t an option. Nor was not telling Merlin if Harry really ignored the stair lift. The magician had always had his ways of finding out everything and Eggsy wasn’t keen to find out what would happen when he found out that Eggsy had disobeyed.

 

Harry came into the kitchen, his crutches steadying him. He looked better than before, the dark shades under his eyes already fading. It really wasn’t a big improvement, but it was more than Eggsy had dared to hope for the first day. Eggsy stood up from where he was crouching to inspect the contents of one of the bottom cupboards and smiled at Harry.

 

‘Hungry?’

 

‘Starving.’

 

Another good sign, Eggsy thought. Harry hadn’t been very hungry in the hospital and had nearly forced down his food in order to keep the doctors and nurses satisfied. The fact that Harry stated that he indeed was hungry and wanted to eat was something Eggsy hadn’t expected, which didn’t mean it wasn’t appreciated.

 

‘Well, looks like the option we have is chocolate rice crackers. Or, as an exception, we order take away today and I’ll do the grocery shopping tomorrow.’

 

‘Take away it is, then. There are some leaflets on the side of the fridge.’

 

Eggsy went over to the fridge and took a look at the leaflets and what they were offering.

 

‘Okay, you can chose between Chinese, Pizza and Pasta, Sushi and Burgers. What do you want?’

 

‘In general, I don’t care. Everything’s better than that what they gave me in the hospital. I don’t even know if this could possibly be classified as food. But if I had to choose, I’d take some sushi. Haven’t had it in a while and it’s not too greasy.  What do you think?’

 

‘I – Uhm – I don’t know.’

 

‘You don’t know? If you don’t want sushi you can tell me, that’s okay. We’ll order something else, then.’

 

Harry’s politeness almost pained Eggsy more than his embarrassment. He lowered his gaze and nervously stepped from one foot to another.

 

‘It’s, well, it’s actually not that I don’t like it. I don’t know if I like it, I never had the chance to try it…’

 

Harry opened his mouth to ask how it came that Eggsy had never had sushi, but then he saw the expression on Eggsy’s face and thought better of it. Eggsy had become a part of Kingsman, another knight in a suit as his modern armour so that Harry tended to forget that Eggsy was what Arthur had deemed not worth to be called a Kingsman, a person who has not been born with the silver spoon, as Eggsy had phrased it. That in mind, Harry just smiled at Eggsy.

 

‘Then you maybe should now, do you want to?’

 

‘Uhm, yeah, I think so.’

 

‘Very well. I’ve written down my usual order on top of the leaflet, so you can make the call as soon as you’ve chosen. I’ll be up now, I think a short bath and a change of clothes is in order. If you want to, you can pick one of the films in the living room, so we’ll have some background noise while eating. Just call out when our dinner arrives.’

 

Eggsy went through the leaflet, irritated by the different shapes and variations of the tiny fish and rice bits. He ordered a big variation and went to the living room to look for a movie they could watch.

 

His last visit in Harry’s living room had only been briefly but Eggsy remembered it like it had been yesterday. He let his eyes wander around, not particularly looking for DVDs at first, but taking in the room, memorising every last bit of it. Eggsy immediately felt how he calmed down and decided, if he ever were fortunate enough to own a house, he would decorate like this one. It reminded him of Harry and of what he always wanted to become.

 

After a while, Eggsy’s eyes fell on a shelf next to the sideboard with the television. In it, there were lots of movies, about 200 at least and with that more than Eggsy had watched in his entire life. He skipped through the titles, most of them classics like James Bond or Star Wars, but this wasn’t really what Eggsy was looking for. These films were great, at least that was what Eggsy had heard, but he looked for some light entertainment, he didn’t want to think too much.

 

That was when Eggsy’s eyes fell on a small wooden box in the corner of the room. It was made out of dark wood, probably the same wood that had been used to craft the furniture in the other rooms of Harry’s house, and beautifully ornamented, a real collector’s item. But somehow Eggsy knew that wasn’t all that was to it, his instincts told him that the box wasn’t empty and that, in fact, he would find exactly what he was looking for if he opened it.

 

He heard the water splash upstairs, a sign that Harry wouldn’t come down soon, and went over to the box and opened it. The grin on Eggsy’s face was radiant. This box held more films, but none of those resembled the films displayed on Harry’s shelf. Eggsy took all of them out, stumbling across titles like “Moulin Rouge”, “Gone with the Wind” and “Casablanca”. Apparently, Harry did not only own all the romantic classics there were, but he also hid them so no one would stumble across them, a fact that was so endearing, Eggsy could barely stand it. When he found what he had been looking for, Eggsy put all the films back in the box and shut the lid again, replacing it unobtrusively back in the corner where it had been before.

 

When their food came about 30 minutes later, Harry was still upstairs, probably shaving or doing something else about his appearance, but when Eggsy called him to tell him their food had arrived, Harry came down as fast as he could, freshly shaved and clothed in pyjamas and a dark red dressing gown.

 

Eggsy had already arranged their dinner nicely, the bits of sushi were laid out on a large silver plate Eggsy had found in the kitchen and he had placed two little dishes for the soy sauce next to each of their plates. Harry took a seat and looked at Eggsy expectantly.

 

‘Well, before we start, did you pick a film?’

 

‘Of course I did.’

 

Eggsy took the remote control and turned the TV and DVD-Player on, he had already put the DVD in the player.

 

‘Someone told me this was a classic, so I guess it’s about time I watch it.’

 

Harry watched the intro intently until he recognised which film it was. Then, he slowly turned his head towards Eggsy, who was grinning stupidly.

 

‘Pretty Woman, Eggsy? Honestly?’

 

‘Well, well, Harry, I mean, I always knew you were a romantic deep down, but the fact that you keep those films hidden in a little box is the last thing I would have expected. I would almost say it’s cute.’

 

Eggsy had to try really hard to supress his laughter, but managed quite badly. Harry’s face turned into the impression of one on whom the joke was, he knew he had to endure Eggsy’s mockery now.

 

‘Are those the films you keep hidden for lonely evenings at home, when it’s only you and a large bar of chocolate?’

 

The jokes went on and on and Harry endured all of them, knowing Eggsy didn’t mean any harm. It was quite funny actually, a grown up man who could kick arse like no one else hid romance films, he had never heard of something like this before and, to be honest, would also have laughed if someone told him that story. So he joined Eggsy in his laughter and they had to start the film anew because they had missed about 20 minutes of it.

 

They sat together just like this, snacking bits of sushi from time to time, watching Pretty Woman and chatting casually and both thought that this wasn’t the worst way to spend an evening, injured or not.


	15. The darkest Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy faces his worst nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took me so long to update, but the holidays and uni and other projects came up. I'll really try to update more regularly, promise.

Everything should have been fine. Harry was back home and as cheery as he hadn’t been in weeks. His healing progress went better than anyone could have expected and Eggsy was with him, in Harry’s house, living together like it was the most normal thing in the world. It really should have been fine, except it wasn’t.

 

After they had finished watching Pretty Woman and neither Eggsy nor Harry could manage one more bite of the truly delicious sushi (Eggsy would later say that this sushi was the best thing he’d ever fucking tasted), Eggsy cleaned the dishes and brought kitchen and living room back to their original state.

 

It was long past 10 p.m. now and Eggsy could feel how tired he was, his eyelids got heavier with every minute, and even Harry, who had slept several hours in the afternoon, had started to yawn suspiciously by now.

 

‘Go to bed, Harry. You seem quite tired.’

 

‘I am not tired, I napped the whole afternoon, Eggsy. And if I’m allowed to comment on this, have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? You also had more energetic days.’

 

Eggsy smiled to himself at that, he knew Harry was right. Although he hadn’t acknowledged it at first, Eggsy had been very anxious about all this. Living with Harry in general wasn’t the problem, but what if something went wrong? What if Harry needed help and Eggsy just didn’t notice? Everyone would know it was his fault and he had to live with it if something happened to Harry.

 

But in the end, there was no way around it. Eggsy had told everyone he could do this, so he would. The others would most certainly understand, but Eggsy knew he would never forgive himself if he gave up now. Letting Harry down was not an option, it was as simple as that, and if that meant he had to deal with his anxieties and would conquer them, Eggsy would gladly do this for Harry.

 

‘Yeah, you’re right, I guess. Let me just put the remaining sushi in the fridge, then we’ll go to bed.’

 

As soon as the words were out, Eggsy wanted to take them back, a pink blush spreading on his cheeks and parts of his neck. This was not how this was supposed to be sounding. Harry, however, just chuckled.

 

‘I’m waiting for you.’

 

And Harry made it even worse. Eggsy felt his ears go hot and red while the blush on his cheeks darkened further. Did Harry know what he had been saying? Judging his expression, he didn’t, looking all unobtrusive and innocent as if he had just said something about masonry.

 

When Eggsy was sure Harry was settled in his room and the alarm in his room (something Merlin had insisted on installing, of course) worked and was audibly enough in Eggsy’s room, Eggsy wished Harry a good night and left him to go to his room.

 

Even though his room wasn’t as light-flooded as it had been this afternoon, it was still beautiful and soothing. The light was warm and inviting, and Eggsy would’ve loved to stay awake a little longer to read something or just enjoy the calm in this comfortable bed while drinking a good scotch.

 

But Eggsy was too tired and so he turned off the lights immediately after changing into his pyjamas and slipping under the sheets. He would enjoy all this luxury in this house tomorrow, when he had had a good night’s sleep and felt relaxed.

 

_‘AMEN!’_

_The preacher ranted about how people from other countries took their jobs from them, invaded their country and did other things Eggsy couldn’t find too bad, but apparently, the other people in the room did._

_No, not room. Church, he was in a church. He looked around and found Harry sitting next to him, looking at him fondly. The church’s interior was vaguely familiar and after a few more moments he realised he was in a church he had already seen before, but never actually been in. He was in Kentucky. In the church in Kentucky where he had lost Harry, where he had thought he’d lost Harry._

_Eggsy’s eyes went wide and he wanted to scream at Harry to get out of there, but Harry just hushed him._

_‘It’s okay, Eggsy. I’ve got this, trust me. I’ll sort this mess out ’_

_That was when Eggsy heard the signal. At first, it was only one phone ringing silently, then two, three, twenty and, before he even realized what that meant, the whole church was filled with the deafening ringing. He’d always asked himself what it had felt like to not be able to control yourself, to just lash out uncontrollably like Harry had done on V-Day, and so he closed his eyes and waited for the signal to change his neurological settings._

_But nothing happened. He still felt normal, no need to kill as many people in this church as possible. Then he heard the screams. Most of the people in the church, including Harry, had vacated their seats and leapt onto each other to beat, bite, kick or do anything else that would cause the highest damage to the current opponent._

_Eggsy’s gaze flitted through the church, simultaneously looking for Harry and people coming near to attack him, but while Harry was found quickly, fighting three people at a time in the church’s front, no one even tried to approach Eggsy. They didn’t even acknowledge his presence when he walked through the church to reach Harry and drag him out of there._

_He reached Harry, who was still lost in this neurologically alternated state of mind, and wanted to get a hold on him, wanted to tell him to run. Eggsy knew what was going to happen. Harry would be the lone survivor of this massacre, his Kingsman training giving him an advantage those religiously fanatic people don’t have. He would walk out of the church where Richmond Valentine was already waiting for him, Gazelle standing by his side. They would talk for a minute and then Valentine would draw his weapon to shot Harry. And Eggsy would stand by his side, watching Harry die._

_Letting this happen again wasn’t an option, but when Eggsy reached out to catch Harry’s wrist, his hand touched nothing but mere air. Eggsy looked at his hand disbelievingly, eyes blown wide in shock, and tried again with the same result. He couldn’t touch Harry, and when he tried to talk to Harry, Eggsy found he couldn’t produce a single sound, no matter how hard he tried to shout._

_After only a short while, his throat ached from the fruitless effort to scream and his breath came ragged from his attempts to make Harry pay attention to him, but nothing worked. By that time, only a few people were left alive and Harry made short shrift of those people, too._

_Harry looked around, finally coming to his senses. They were standing in midst of dead bodies and blood, the smell of copper filling the air, causing Eggsy to feel nauseous. He wanted to get out of this church, to run for dear live, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Harry. Eggsy had seen the whole scenery before, had witnessed the bloodbath through the camera in Harry’s glasses._

_But what he hadn’t seen before and what he definitely wasn’t prepared for, was Harry. The man in front of Eggsy looked nothing like the calm and composed Kingsman agent Eggsy had admired that first day of their encounter in the pub, but like someone who suddenly was aware of all the blood on his hands._

_And dear Lord, there was so much blood. It was in Harry’s face, on his hands, all over his clothes, and Eggsy wanted nothing more than to get rid of it. Harry’s eyes found his and Eggsy couldn’t hold back a pained sob, inaudibly of course, when he noticed Harry’s expression. There was pain, self-consciousness, anger and fear. The expression of a man who couldn’t believe what he was capable of._

_Harry opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again after a few seconds and swallowed hard. When he opened his mouth again, his voice was something barely louder than a whisper, something that made Eggsy’s stomach turn and his heart clench in agony._

_‘I – I’m sorry, Eggsy. You shouldn’t have seen this…’_

_Eggsy tried to tell him that it’s fine, but when he remembered that he wouldn’t get any sound out, he just nodded. He felt miserable. Why couldn’t he touch Harry? Why couldn’t he talk to him? How would he now manage to prevent the events, which Eggsy knew were going to follow?_

_‘Let’s get out of here. I’m sure Merlin knows what all this means and he’ll find a way to stop this’_

_Again, Eggsy just nodded, the knot in his throat thickening even further. He was sure that, even if he could, he wouldn’t get a single sound out that didn’t resemble a strangled sob, so he didn’t even try and just followed Harry out of the church._

_When they stepped out, the sun dazzled Eggsy for a few moments, but he could imagine the sight only too well. The day was sunny and bright, the sky cloudless, and Eggsy found the day was way too beautiful to be spent like this. He wanted to enjoy the sun, get warmed up and just lie somewhere in peace, but the reality was different._

_As soon as his eyes had adjusted to the bright sunlight, Eggsy recognized the people, who had only been dark outlines in the brightness, standing in front of Harry and him. There he was, Valentine, smiling high-handed, with Gazelle and two brainless stooges._

_Eggsy stepped to Harry’s side, wanting to reassure him with his visible presence since he couldn’t talk to him or touch him. He felt Harry inch closer to him, his body heat making Eggsy’s need to touch him even worse. Everything was blurry by now, Harry and Valentine the only distinguishable spots in Eggsy’s vision._

_And then, everything went too fast for Eggsy to stomach it. He only heard Valentine say ‘But this ain’t that kind of movie, bruv’, his voice bubbling with laughter, while he drew his weapon. Harry looked at him, his expression soft instead of panicked, and he smiled._

_‘Everything’s going to be all right, my dear boy. You’ll see.’_

_That was when Valentine pulled the trigger. Eggsy felt Harry stagger next to him, but before he could look at Harry’s lifeless body on the floor, everything went black and the floor underneath him opened up. He was falling, the darkness, which surrounded him, swallowing him further and further._

_He tried to scream and lash out, desperate for a clue where he was and if or when the falling would end. The deeper he got, the more difficult breathing became. The pressure on his chest became stronger with every meter he fell, the need for oxygen becoming desperate._

_He was suffocating. He knew it. He would die a painful death before he would hit whatever ground there was waiting for him. He wouldn’t become unconscious; he would live through every second of it, the burning in his lungs already unbearable. He tried to breath again, but his chest wouldn’t lift anymore, the pressure on his body to high to fight against it._

_He breathed out the last bit of air that was in him, not intending to fight anymore. Harry was somewhere above him, lying on the floor, his body already getting cold. Without Harry, there wasn’t a reason to keep fighting. Eggsy closed his eyes, greeting his nearing death like an old friend, allowing the pain in his lungs to spread through his whole body._

_He was ready now._

With a sharp intake of air, Eggsy woke up. His breath came ragged and his lungs burned, his throat dry from breathing open-mouthed over a long period of time. He was sweaty all over, the soft sheets tangled up in his legs, his pillows strewn on the floor. He looked at the clock on his bedside table, it was 3:24 in the morning.

 

It had been a nightmare, a horrible one, but a mere nightmare nonetheless. He knew Harry was safe, sleeping soundly in his bed. He would wake up in the morning and would smile at Eggsy, they would have breakfast together. _Everything’s going to be all right, my dear boy. You’ll see._

Eggsy knew that “Dream-Harry” had been right, but he got up anyways to go to the bathroom and wash off the sticky layer of sweat. When he passed Harry’s bedroom, he stopped in his tracks. The door was slightly ajar and Eggsy opened it a bit further to peek into the room.

 

Harry was, like predicted, sleeping soundly, curled up on his side like he had been the previous afternoon. Eggsy stood there for a while, listening to Harry’s even and deep breath until the remnants of the nightmare stopped nagging at him.

 

_Everything’s going to be all right, my dear boy. You’ll see._

Eggsy hoped Harry would be proved right.


	16. The Best and the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite all the previous events, a little domesticity settles in

When the next morning came and Eggsy woke up as soon as the first sunbeams shone through his window, he felt absolutely whacked. Every muscle in his body ached, he would have to exercise to loosen up, his eyelids felt as heavy as ever and his head felt like someone was blowing up a balloon inside, which pressed against his forehead.

 

He left his bedroom and stood still for a moment, waiting for an indication of Harry being awake, but there was none. And, true enough, when Eggsy passed Harry’s room, the man was still asleep and it didn’t seem he’d be up soon.

 

With nothing to do except waiting for Harry to wake up, Eggsy decided he’d go for a little run, buying baps on his way back so he and Harry would have something to eat for breakfast. He changed into his tracksuit, grabbed the keys, his mobile and the portable alarm, another one of Merlin’s gadgets, and left the house.

 

So shortly after sunrise, this part of London was still unusually calm. Eggsy had always loved to be outside when most parts of the city weren’t awake, he had always found that a city that was so busy, so crowded with people was fascinating in these early hours.

 

After a few meters, Eggsy started to jog, falling into a slow but persistent rhythm. He could still feel the aftermaths of his nightmares and the time he had been lying awake in his bed, rolling from one side to each other, too exhausted to get up, but also too afraid of yet another nightmare to fall asleep again.

 

Eggsy felt his muscles loosen up with every step he made and his mind started to wander around, his body keeping up the rhythm automatically. He thought of Harry, still sleeping in his bed, and of how fucking handsome he was, even in his sleep. He thought of their previous evening, casual as it had been, as if nothing had ever happened and they weren’t only sitting together because Harry had gotten a blow to the head and had just woken from coma and could barely walk.

 

The thought made Eggsy flinch. He knew it was the truth, but it hurt nonetheless. Sitting next to each other and watching a film while having dinner had felt so natural, so domestic and perfect that Eggsy had almost forgotten that it wasn’t real, but motivated by an accident.

 

As soon as the doctors cleared Harry, Eggsy would have to move out again. He would live in the manor again, or maybe Merlin would give him his own house now that he has made sure Eggsy would become a Kingsman agent even though he hadn’t passed his final test and Harry would also move on and live alone again, like he apparently had chosen to do years ago.

 

Eggsy would have to go through it, on his own. And if that meant that he would have to go when the time came, or that he would have to live through more nightmares and restless nights, he would do that without a second thought. That’s just how far he was willing to go for Harry, maybe even further.

 

Like he had done in his dream. Living through one of the worst days of his life again, experiencing Harry’s “death” first hand, had been even worse than sitting in front of the screen in Harry’s office. In his dream, he had been there, right next to Harry, unable to do or say something that would change the outcome of the situation.

 

He had known what would happen from the start, but that hadn’t made it better, not in the slightest. What had been really weird was what had happened after the shot, after Eggsy knew that, if he looked to his side, he would look at Harry’s lifeless, bleeding form on the floor.

 

Falling in an endless black pit had been terrifying, especially when he had noticed that breathing was becoming harder with every meter he fell. But at some point, he had stopped being terrified, it was as simple as that. He had accepted the fact that he soon wouldn’t be able to breath anymore and had embraced the pain as a part of his irrevocable destiny.

 

Eggsy had never believed himself to be the kind of person that just leans back and lets everything happen without fighting back, but apparently he was. Or maybe he just was sometimes. He definitely wasn’t stupid enough to actually believe that he would go down without the tiniest hint of a fight, but seeing Harry on the floor, twice in a too short time span, seemed to change that.

 

Eggsy probably wouldn’t go so far to say that life with Harry wasn’t worth living, but if it weren’t for Harry, Eggsy’s life wouldn’t be as great as it was now. He would never have lived up to his potential, wouldn’t have found the best friend he ever had in Roxy, he wouldn’t have gotten to know the most intelligent and equally terrifying person on earth in Merlin, and he wouldn’t have met Harry, a man more loyal and trustworthy than what Eggsy had thought was humanly possible.

 

Before he could dwell on these rather depressing thoughts, Eggsy arrived at the bakery, buying baps and croissants for breakfast and a few pastries for the afternoon. He expected Merlin to show up and maybe he would bring Roxy with him, so it would be nice to have something that would go with a good cup of tea. While he ordered the pastries, he smiled to himself, thinking how Harry-ish it was of him to think about what to reach with their afternoon tea while, back at his mother’s place, he couldn’t have been bothered by being at home at tea time.

 

His life really had changed, and Eggsy found that he rather liked it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Eggsy entered the house again, there was still no sound to be heard, so he supposed Harry was still asleep and was proven right when he passed Harry’s bedroom on his way to the bathroom. For Eggsy it was a marvel how someone as active as Harry could sleep so much, but on the other hand it was proof enough that Harry’s body really needed time and rest to fully recover. Harry wasn’t 25 anymore, after all.

 

After fetching some clothes in his room, Eggsy retreated to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Although his body was fairly heated up from running, he could feel London’s morning chill deep in his bones and let out a relieved sigh when the first drops of hot water touched his skin.

 

This was another perk of living in Harry’s house. Since his father had died, all the flats Eggsy had lived in with his mother had been quite shabby and small, nothing in comparison to the house they’d lived in before, but the dosshouse they’d been living in since Dean had appeared on the scene had put the tin lid on the whole thing.

 

It had not only been shabby, it had been cold and draughty, mouldy and neglected. And even worse, there had never been hot water. Dean had used most of it and even in case there still was hot water, Eggsy had never dared to use it out of fear that his little sister hat to be bathed in ice cold water. Before Kingsman, he hadn’t had a hot shower in years, so standing there in Harry’s shower, taking his time without having to worry about if there was still enough hot water left, was a relief most people couldn’t comprehend.

 

Freshly showered and in clothes that smelled like Harry’s washing powder, Eggsy went down again after taking another look at Harry, who was still asleep. Eggsy made a mental note to ask the nurse if it was normal that Harry slept so much. With nothing to do, Eggsy went to the living room and turned on the telly, watching nothing special until he felt his eyelids go heavy. Maybe dozing a little until Harry woke up wouldn’t hurt after a night like this, so Eggsy closed his eyes and let the white noise lull him to a light slumber.

 

When Harry woke up about an hour later, his bedroom was already flooded with sunlight and with a glance at the clock he noticed it was 10.30 a.m. already. He hadn’t slept this long in years, but he guessed that this was what he should have expected after getting a blow to the head. He needed the rest, he had to accept that.

He struggled to get up, his crutches supporting most of his weight. He hated these things, but if they were his only chance to walk straight again, he would hold onto them for dear life. On his way to the bathroom Harry noticed that the telly was on, and so, after brushing his teeth and washing his face, he used the stair lift to get downstairs.

 

‘Eggsy?’, Harry called out, waiting for a response but getting none, but when he entered the living room, he knew why.

 

Eggsy was sprawled on the couch, his head tipped back over the armrest, the pale length of his neck delicately exposed. Harry could barely avert his eyes from that sight, but when he finally did, it was only stop dead and stare at the line of flesh where Eggsy’s shirt has ridden up.

 

Harry knew he shouldn’t stare like that, all of this was hardly appropriate, but the sight was just too tempting. Eggsy’s body was stretched due to the position he was currently in, revealing the outlines of taut muscles in his abdomen, the slightly protruding bones in his slim hips and, and that was what made Harry’s discipline and willpower pare to the bone, a small path of dark hairs that started at Eggsy’s navel and disappeared in his low fitted tracksuit bottoms.

 

He had never had a particular talent for art, although he had always admired it, but right in this moment he wished he could draw just so he could make Eggsy’s body into a piece of art people would admire as much as Harry admired the original.

 

Harry approached Eggsy as cautiously as he could manage, not wanting to disturb the boy’s sleep, and sat down next to Eggsy’s head on the broad armrest. Eggsy seemed to sleep peacefully, he didn’t move too much and his breath came even and slow, but something on his face told Harry that deep in his head there was something that bothered Eggsy.

 

After their time in the hospital, Harry just knew what a content Eggsy looked like, even in sleep, and this wasn’t right. His lips were a little too tight, the shadows under his eyes a few shades too dark. Eggsy’s night hadn’t been a good one, Harry was sure of that. _Maybe he was just too excited to sleep, something about being in a mostly foreign place with the responsibility of looking after me in my state_ , Harry thought, but he immediately knew that was not all there was to it.

 

One of his hands, now free from the crutches he had abandoned on the floor next to him, reached out to Eggsy’s head, raking his fingers through Eggsy’s hair. It was soft and still a little bit damp, Eggsy must’ve showered not long ago, but somehow this simple gesture seemed to help Eggsy relax seeing that the serious lines around his mouth vanished and he made a little content humming noise that sent shivers down Harry’s spine.

 

‘Oh Eggsy, what are you doing to me, hm?’, Harry whispered, not able to tear his gaze and hands away from Eggsy.

 

Harry had always been quite sure that a serious relationship was more or less out of reach for him, considering his job and the danger it posed for him and his partner, but sitting there, just enjoying the sight of someone he held dearly, showing smallest gestures of affection, made his heart ache for a bit more. He’d never considered himself lonely, but there had always been something missing, something that Harry seemed to have found in Eggsy, who filled the gap in Harry’s life effortlessly.

 

If there was just a way to get him to stay, to show him what he meant –

 

‘Wha’ di’ you jus’ say?’

 

Eggsy looked up at Harry, his voice raspy and low, and his eyelids heavy and puffy from sleeping. Harry looked in his eyes and was immediately struck by how clear they were despite the fact that he had just woken up, his grey irises looking like liquid steel. Again, he was overwhelmed by how gorgeous Eggsy was and was convinced that, no matter what he did or tried, he would never be good enough to deserve someone like him. Eggsy was too good to be true, and he was definitely too good for Harry, but some little part in him still hoped Eggsy could be his.

 

‘Uh – nothing in particular, mumbling to myself I guess.’

 

It was a lie and, judging his expression, Eggsy knew it, but he didn’t push the matter. Instead, he got up into a sitting position and looked at Harry.

 

‘How did you sleep? Do you feel okay? Any pain?’

 

This was Eggsy. He didn’t feel well himself but was still more concerned about Harry’s well being. The others did always matter more to him. Harry smiled.

 

‘I’m fine Eggsy, thank you. And no, I’m not hurting, although I must admit that I’m quite hungry’

 

Now it was Eggsy who smiled.

 

‘Well, I don’t wonder at it, you’ve slept for about twelve hours flat. I already fetched something for breakfast when I was out. I’ll make coffee and prepare breakfast for us, just give me a minute.’

 

And with that, Eggsy was up and heading to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. Harry settled on the couch more comfortably, watching Eggsy as he strode back and forth from kitchen to living room to bring everything for their breakfast, getting more than an eyeful of what he had already admired earlier, plus the bonus of his strong back and his phenomenal arse.

 

Harry sighed quietly.

 

 _Very well done Harry. You’re 53 years old, recovering from an injury that should have ended your life. You can barely walk on your own and all you do is lusting after a boy who is about half your age,_ he thought to himself.

 

Eggsy came in again, flashing Harry one of his bright and genuine smiles before returning to the kitchen again to get the coffee.

 

_Yepp, old man, you’re more than screwed._

* * *

Later that day, after Eggsy and Harry have had their breakfast and Eggsy had been out to do the grocery shopping (there had almost been nothing edible in Harry’s kitchen), the doorbell rang.

 

Eggsy knew it could only be Merlin, but he nearly sprinted to the door all the same, finding not only Merlin smiling at him, but also Roxy, carrying flowers in one hand and, to Eggsy’s surprise and joy, JB in the other one.

 

Before Eggsy even had the chance to greet either Merlin or Roxy, JB wriggled in Roxy’s grip and nearly fell out of her arm, before Eggsy caught him and cuddled the pug senseless.

 

‘Heyyy, hey little boy. How are you? Have you missed me?’

 

JB’s answer was a broad lick on Eggsy’s cheek, which he wiped dry with both, amusement and disgust.

 

‘Urgh, JB, that’s disgusting, ya know that, righ’? Hey you two, come in.’

 

Merlin, Claudette’s leash in his hand, clapped Eggsy on the shoulder as a greeting and walked past him to meet Harry. Roxy came in and, after Eggsy had closed the door, enclosed him in a fierce hug, squeezing JB between them. Eggsy chuckled a bit at that, he had always liked the small outbursts of emotion from the normally quite contained Roxy.

 

‘Hey, Rox’, you good?’

 

‘Hey, Eggsy’, she said, not letting go of him, ‘yeah, I’m fine, just missed you. Hope it’s okay I brought JB and Claudette.’

 

‘Of course, I missed you, too.’

 

When they let go of each other, Eggsy let JB down, motioning for Roxy to follow him to the living room where Eggsy was sure Merlin and Harry were. Merlin had settled on one of the cosy armchairs opposite to the couch Harry was sitting on, Claudette, off the leash, laying at his feet. JB immediately jumped on the couch, taking a seat in Harry’s lap to get petted.

 

Harry only smiled. He had always been very fond of JB, had liked the pug’s cocky but faithful character and was happy to oblige JB’s need for some tender, loving care. Roxy entered the living room, stepping behind the couch, and hugged Harry from behind, slinging her slender arm around his broad shoulders. At first, Harry seemed a bit startled, he had never been in the centre of her affections before, but he accepted it almost instantly, covering the hand holding his shoulder with his own.

 

‘Hey, Harry, it’s so good to see you. You already look better than yesterday. Look, I brought you some flowers, thought Eggsy wouldn’t think of getting some.’

 

‘Hello, Roxanne, it’s good to see you, too. And you’re right, I already feel a bit better. Thank you, that’s very thoughtful of you, he really didn’t think of it. But for the record, it’s not as if I asked him to.’

 

‘That’s what I thought.’

 

Roxy smiled broadly, one of those winning smiles that could rule the world if she used it smartly, and parted from Harry after kissing his cheek. Merlin had watched the whole scene intently, following Roxy with his gaze when she went to kitchen to find a vase for the flowers. His eyes were full of adoration and awe, his face becoming softer than Eggsy had ever seen it while a slight smile showed.

 

Eggsy and Harry threw each other knowing looks, seeing Merlin like this was a novelty, even for Harry, who, at least you could get that impression, knew Merlin for a lifetime. When Merlin turned around again to face Harry and Eggsy, he found them grinning at each other and then at him.

 

‘Not a single word, is that understood?’

 

He really tried to sound threateningly, but failed miserably, and both Eggsy and Harry noticed it. Harry just looked to the side, trying hard to fight a smug smile while Eggsy raised his hands as if to indicate his surrender.

 

‘Wouldn’t dare say anything.’

 

That’s how they spent their afternoon. They sat together, taking turns in petting the two dogs that revelled in the attention and drinking tea. When it was time for dinner and Harry and Eggsy were not really in the mood of letting Merlin and Roxy part just yet, Eggsy and Roxy went to the kitchen to cook dinner for the four of them.

 

It was a wonderful day, underlined by the affection that was passed effortlessly between them. Eggsy could get used to it and, judging Harry’s fond expression that was meant just for him, he asked himself for the first time if Harry felt the same way.


	17. The Earth turns backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has to face his worst nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I don't really know anything about the healing processes of an injury like Harry's, so bear with me and just go with it for the story's sake.
> 
> Secondly, I'm sorry for what I've done in this chapter. I truly hope you'll forgive me.

The next few days passed by blissfully calm thanks to the routine Harry and Eggsy have developed quite quickly. Eggsy woke up early in the mornings and went for his runs, fetching all they needed on his way back to the house. When he came back, he would prepare breakfast and wait for Harry to wake up, which usually happened soon after Eggsy had the coffee ready. He supposed that Harry picked this moment on purpose, knowing that if the coffee was ready, everything else would be ready, too, and he could start to eat immediately, but Eggsy never bothered to mention it. In fact, he loved preparing the breakfast for Harry.

 

After breakfast, Eggsy cleaned the dishes and did the laundry in case there was any, and joined Harry on the couch afterwards. That’s how they spent their day until either Harry’s therapist arrived to have another physiotherapy session, or Merlin stopped by, with or without Roxy, to have tea and/or dinner with them.

 

When the therapist was there, Eggsy busied himself with his phone or with JB. After Merlin’s and Roxy’s first visit, Harry and Eggsy had agreed that JB could as well stay with them in Harry’s house, and so the little pug moved in with them and Eggsy started to teach him little tricks like “roll over” and “dead dog” with which he entertained Harry in the evenings.

 

As instructed by the doctor’s, they took little walks in the neighbourhood together, taking JB with them. Afterwards they watched one or two movies and went to bed. It was calm, sweet and domestic, something Eggsy had missed out on for most of his life and had unconsciously longed for.

 

The only things that still bothered Eggsy were the occasional nightmares. They more or less always were the same: something happened to Harry, Roxy or Merlin or all of them and Eggsy couldn’t do or say anything to prevent it. He would wake up shaking and sweating every time, his throat feeling sore. Fortunately, he didn’t scream in his dreams. It would be even worse if he woke Harry with one of his nightmares.

 

But Harry wouldn’t be Harry if he didn’t notice something was off. He had clearly noticed the dark patches under Eggsy’s eyes or the fact that Eggsy tended to tire much earlier than he usually did, but when Harry asked him if he was okay or if something was wrong, Eggsy told him he was fine and that all was well. Harry stayed suspicious, but didn’t push the matter. He knew how stubborn Eggsy could be and didn’t want to enrage him by asking him about something he clearly didn’t want to discuss.

 

So far, they had had a nice day that perfectly fitted their routine. Eggsy had been running and they had breakfast afterwards. Currently, they were lying on the couch together, JB cuddled up against Eggsy who watched some kind of inane action movie Harry had never really liked, while Harry solved a crossword puzzle. He had always liked to solve them, but since their days in the hospital, he was overly excited about them and had several crossword books scattered all over the house.

 

Harry was halfway through his crossword puzzle when he frowned.

 

‘Eggsy?’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘ “White Rapper who landed his first hit in 1990” with ten characters, how the hell am I supposed to know that? Who –‘

 

‘Vanilla Ice’

 

‘ – is supposed to know that anyway? Wait, what?’

 

‘Vanilla Ice. “White Rapper who landed first hit in 1990” with ten characters. Vanilla Ice.’

 

‘Vanilla Ice, honestly? That’s a rapper name?’

 

Eggsy looked up from the TV where the hero was about to shot the villain while jumping from a driving car to meet Harry’s eyes and had to try really hard not to laugh out loud. Harry looked at the puzzle in disgust while filling “Vanilla Ice” in the gap, still not believing how a rapper, a species of humankind Harry had never known much about except for the many prejudices like “They all take drugs and sleep with about 1000 women”, could have a name like that.

 

“Oblivious to pop culture-Harry” had always been Eggsy’s favourite Harry.

 

‘Yepp, that’s a rapper name. I think even you know that song they’re referring to. Wait, I’ll show you.’

 

Eggsy grabbed his phone from the table in front of him, scrolling through the songs he had on his memory card. When he found it, he started to play it and muted the telly when the sound of “Ice, Ice, Baby” filled the room. Then, he looked at Harry expectantly, waiting for a sign of recognition on Harry’s face.

 

While the song played, Eggsy started to slightly move to the music, his head swaying from side to side while he mouthed the lyrics, mimicking singing to JB, who looked at him confusedly. Harry looked at him in amusement and started to laugh when Eggsy took JB’s paws to make him dance along with him.

 

When Eggsy found Harry looking at him, he asked him, ‘So?’

 

Harry didn’t understand. ‘So, what?’

 

‘Do you know the song?’

 

‘Ehh…’

 

Up to this very moment, Harry had been entirely focussed on Eggsy and his movements. Harry liked dancing, he really did, and seeing Eggsy move rhythmically to some music, even if it was music he didn’t really know, was incredibly beautiful to watch. But when Harry finally listened, he somehow recognized the never changing beat and as soon as the refrain came, he recognized the song.

 

‘Surprisingly, I do. May have heard it in the radio once, stake outs can be incredibly boring, you know. But how come you know it? You were about two or maybe three years old when that song came out, you can’t possibly remember it.’

 

‘That song’s a hip-hop classic, Harry, everyone knows it. Also, there are at least a thousand remixes of different genres, the chances of getting struck by a lightning are higher than the chance of never hearing a single version of “Ice Ice Baby”. It’s like “Casablanca”, you weren’t even born when it came out, but I’m quite sure you’ve seen it a thousand times despite the fact that it’s in your box of shame.”

 

‘Ha Ha’

 

Eggsy just grinned at Harry, broad and smug, and although the joke had been on him this time, he couldn’t help the content feeling that settled when Eggsy laughed like that, all happy and comfortable. That’s when something came to Harry’s mind.

 

‘By the way, Eggsy, are you up for a walk later?’, Harry asked.

 

Eggsy looked at him like he’d just said that Santa Clause was real.

 

‘Of course I am, we always go out for a walk in the early afternoon. There’s no need to ask me, Harry.’

 

‘I know, but my therapist suggested I try and take a walk without my crutches. I mean, I would maybe rely more on you to –‘

 

‘What?! You can walk without your crutches and you’re just telling me now? Why didn’t you mention that earlier?’

 

‘It’s nothing special, really. I’ve only taken a few steps so far, but my therapist is quite positive that I’ll be able to handle a bit more. So, if you’d be willing to accompany me and, if necessary, help me in case it gets a bit too much, I’d like to try it this afternoon.’

 

Harry had avoided Eggsy’s eyes while he had spoken. The fact that he had to rely on someone’s help, even if it was Eggsy’s help, wasn’t sitting well with him und Eggsy could see how uncomfortable he was when he had to ask for it. Regarding this, Eggsy made it his mission to make it clear to Harry that he could always count on Eggsy, no matter what he needed help with.

 

Eggsy smiled at Harry sympathetically, reaching out for Harry’s hand on his thigh and squeezed lightly. It’s a reassuring touch, it means “I’m there for you”, “I’ll help you”, “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line” and more things Eggsy can’t speak out loud right now and both men had to pull themselves together to not shudder at the gentle touch.

 

‘I’d be happy to do that, Harry.’

 

And both knew Eggsy meant it.

 

 

 

 

 

Their walk was a full success. Harry had gotten a bit wobbly on his legs from time to time, but when Eggsy had supported him for a few moments, he had managed on his own again. It had really been remarkable how Harry had managed, but when they had dinner later, only the two of them because Roxy was on a mission with Merlin as her handler, Harry was still in a sulky mood.

 

Eggsy knew it wasn’t about how the walk had turned out, but had a fairly good idea what was wrong with him and alone the thought made him chuckle a little.

 

Halfway through their walk, Eggsy’s arm was slung into Harry’s, not holing him too tight but offering support in case it would be needed, they were chatting casually and Eggsy laughed about something Harry had just told him about Merlin. Eggsy clutched at his own stomach in his fit of laughter, but he didn’t let go of Harry, and JB jumped up Eggsy’s leg, animated by the funny sounds his human made. That was when a woman came by and watched the scene in front of her.

 

She stood in front of them and smiled, then looked down at JB before turning to Eggsy who held the leash.

 

‘Aww, your pug is so adorable, what’s his name?’

 

Eggsy, who was already used to people asking him about JB on the street, had smiled back at her.

 

‘His name’s JB.’

 

‘JB? What does that stand for?’

 

‘James Bond, I love spy movies’, Eggsy lied, knowing that Jack Bauer wasn’t the best answer to that question, Arthur’s reaction had told him that much. The woman seemed to buy it.

 

‘Aw, that’s cute. It’s so nice of your father that he bought you a dog and goes with you when you take him for a walk, such a wonderful family activity!’

 

She had spoken to Eggsy, but at the word father her gaze had switched over to Harry. Both, Harry and Eggsy, looked equally confused und shocked by that statement. Harry had opened his mouth to say something, but Eggsy had been faster, and dear Lord, what he had said next had really made the woman’s expression falter.

 

‘Yeah, you’re right, it’s really nice of him, except he’s not my father but my boyfriend, what’s even better. But we have to go now, I have a romantic evening planned for him and still have to prepare our dinner, we hope you have a wonderful day, Ma’am’, he said and started to walk past her, nearly dragging a very confused Harry along with him.

 

As soon as the woman had been out of earshot, Eggsy had nearly doubled over with laughter. Harry, still more confused than ever, had just looked at him, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

 

It had been funny, just a joke, and Eggsy couldn’t really believe that Harry was still somewhat mad.

 

‘Harry, what is it?’

 

Harry did not even look up from his plate when he answered.

 

‘Nothing’

 

‘Oh, come on, don’ gimme that shit. Since we’ve been out, ya’re angry. I know me calling you my boyfriend wasn’t my smartest move, but –‘

 

Before Eggsy could go on about how she didn’t want this woman to think that Harry was his father because a) come on, do father and son really walk arm in arm like that? And b) Really, Harry was way too hot to be his father and not his lover (Eggsy wouldn’t say the latter out loud, but the thought was there), Harry interrupted him.

 

‘I’m not angry because you told her I was your boyfriend, that one was quite funny actually, although you caught me a bit by surprise. But her face was definitely worth it. What I’m angry about, well, not angry but I guess not amused about is a better description, what I’m not amused about is the fact that she thought I was your father, your father, of all people. I know I’m not 25 anymore, I really do, and I also know that I have the age to be your father, but hearing it is something entirely different.’

 

‘I think it’s the jawline’, Eggsy states, not even acknowledging what Harry had just admitted.

 

‘Pardon?’

 

‘The jawline, yours as well as mine. They’re both quite prominent, standing out from the masses. Our chins have some resemblance, too, and, with me also being classy as fuck now, we have quite the same hairstyle. Take all this and add it to the fact that we are similarly built with the difference that you are taller than I am, than you have it, the explanation for why this woman thought you were my father. She didn’t think you look old, she just acknowledged the fact that we’re both ravishingly good looking in a similar way.’

 

Eggsy winked at Harry, stood up and brought the dishes to the kitchen. Had Harry just imagined what Eggsy had said, or had he really heard Eggsy saying that he was ravishingly good looking?

 

Of course, that compliment was also meant for himself, but Harry certainly didn’t complain about being included. He also knew that Eggsy had just made all this up to comfort Harry, but the enthusiasm behind this little white lie was astonishing.

 

Harry heard Eggsy clutter in the kitchen and for a moment it all felt nearly perfect. Then he heard Eggsy shout: ‘And don’t you dare bring your plate to the kitchen without having eaten something. You may have the looks, but don’t think for one second I would hesitate to shove food down your throat if you refuse to eat. Your looks may be distracting for me, but I was trained to keep my eyes on the price.’

 

Eggsy’s tone was playful and friendly, but Harry started eating nevertheless. He wouldn’t want to enrage someone who had threatened to force-feed him if need be and who told him his looks distracted him.

 

Now, everything was entirely perfect.

  

* * *

 

 

When Eggsy woke up in the middle of the night, he couldn’t remember a nightmare. His sheets weren’t tangled and he wasn’t bathed in sweat, so he was sure he hadn’t woken up from a nightmare, even if he had had one, he just couldn’t remember.

 

But something was wrong, Eggsy knew it. Sensed it.

 

For moment, he held his breath and didn’t move at all, but he couldn’t hear anything. The house was calm and peaceful, as always when he woke up in the middle of the night, when it had been a nightmare that had shaken him awake. So, why did he think something wasn’t right here?

 

He stood up, not bothering to put on something over the boxers he slept in and went out to the hallway. Still, everything was silent. His first instinct was to look see if there was something, or rather someone downstairs, but he knew he had to look after Harry, so he decided to do that first. If there was anyone, Harry was in no condition to defend himself, so Eggsy could at least warn him and tell him to lock himself up. But when Eggsy turned his gaze to the door of Harry’s bedroom, his breath stuck in his throat.

 

The door was open, not only slightly ajar as usual, but widely open, and even from his position in the doorway of his room Eggsy could see that the bed was empty.

 

Eggsy jumped to Harry’s room to make sure the bed was really empty, which it was. He checked the bathroom next, which was also empty. Where the hell was Harry? An uncomfortable feeling settled in Eggsy and his breath came faster.

 

‘Harry?’

 

No answer.

 

‘Harry, where are you?’

 

Eggsy looked around, feeling nauseous by now, and noticed a faint shine of light downstairs, not from the hallway, but the kitchen and hurried to the stairs. When he noticed that the stair lift, the _goddamn_ stair lift Harry was supposed to use when he wanted to go up- or downstairs, was still on the upper level, Eggsy started to run, taking two steps at a time.

 

Once downstairs, he noticed he had been right about the light coming from the kitchen, so he jumped around the corner and found the door open.

 

‘Harry, are you here? Damn, where the fuck are –‘

 

The rest of the question was drained in a pained sob Eggsy didn’t even realize escaped his throat. From where he stood, he couldn’t see Harry, but what he saw was enough for Eggsy to know what happened.

 

The kitchen looked clean and neat, as it always did, except for the fact that the door of the fridge stood slightly ajar, as if someone had taken something out but hadn’t bothered to close the door properly (or hadn’t been able to do it properly anymore) and there were shattered glass and milk all over the floor. And, next to the mess on the floor, an outstretched hand, Harry’s hand.

 

Eggsy was frozen, not knowing what would await him if he took the last few steps to be able to see into the blind spot of the kitchen, but he took one last deep breath, fearing he would need it, and closed the distance, ignoring the shards that bored their way into the skin of Eggsy’s bare feet.

 

Harry was lying on the floor in an awkward angle, white milk turning in a light shade of pink where it pooled around his head.

 

‘Oh God, no. No. Harry, Harry, please wake up, I beg you, please.’

 

His voice was pained and rough and he brought out the word with great difficulty between his sobs. This just couldn’t happen. No. This was wrong, all wrong. Harry couldn’t just… he couldn’t.

 

Eggsy cradled Harry’s head in his lap and, after checking if Harry was still breathing, which he gladly did, looked around for a mobile, but there was none, so he had to leave Harry to look for a phone to call help. He just found that he couldn’t leave Harry’s side, but he knew he had to.

 

‘Harry, Harry listen. I’ll have to get a phone to call help, please don’t die while I’m gone, promise, okay? Okay.’

 

Eggsy stood up again, bedding Harry’s head carefully on the floor, and ran out of the kitchen, still not bothering about the shards on the floor, to fetch the phone he knew was in the living room.

 

When he picked it up, he noticed he was shaking and struggled to press the one-touch dialling button #1, knowing who would pick up. And he was right.

 

‘What happened?

 

‘Merlin, I – I don’t know what happened. I woke up and – Harry. Harry in the kitchen. And there’s blood. And I –‘

 

Merlin, his usual, composed self, his Kingsman agent self, stayed calm.

 

‘Shh, Eggsy, calm down, it’s gonna be okay, I promise. Is he breathing?’

 

‘Wha – What?’

 

‘Eggsy, concentrate! Is Harry breathing?’

 

‘Yes, Yes he is. I mean he was when I was with him, but now I’m not and I don’t know and he’s bleeding, Merlin what do I do?’

 

Merlin flinched when he heard Eggsy like that and he could only imagine what the boy looked like right now. His voice was tight and strangled, he was probably crying, and he even sounded like he was shaking like a leaf.

 

‘Eggsy, listen to me. I’ll call the ambulance now. What you’ll do is open the door now and then you go back to Harry and wait there. I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

 

Before Merlin had ended the connection, Eggsy tossed the phone to the side, ran to the front door and opened it, and rushed back into the kitchen to retake his place on the floor next to Harry.

 

He took Harry’s head in his lap again, looking at the wound, but he was too shocked to even remember that he had went through something like a first aid course and other special medical courses at Kingsman. He couldn’t even remember the day he was born, to be frank, all that was in his head was _Harry_ and _No, this just couldn’t happen_ and _I can’t lose him now_.

 

Eggsy stroked a strand of hair out of Harry’s closed eyes when a small drop of water landed on Harry’s forehead. It was only then that Eggsy realised he was crying, sobbing and weeping like a child, and damn, he didn’t care. All this was awful, it was sad and terrible, and no one could convince him that it was not okay to cry right there.

 

‘Harry, please, come back to me. You can’t leave jus’ now. You jus’ – can’t. You – You can’t leave me alone here. I don’t know what to do withou’ ya. Please, come back. Wake up, ya have ta. If ya go, then I’m alone again. I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I can’t, not anymore, not after ya an’ everything you showed me and gave me and made me feel. Please Harry, wake up, I love you, please, just wake up, for me. Please.’

 

His voice trailed of at that, the crying and his ragged breath making it impossible to speak anymore. Instead, he took Harry’s face in his hands, smoothing his thumbs over Harry’s cheeks, and bent forward to press a kiss to Harry’s blood smudged forehead before resting his own forehead there. He mumbled into Harry’s hair, a litany of _Stay with me, I love you_ and _please don’t die again._

 

That was how Merlin found them.

 

It had only taken him a few minutes to get to Harry’s place, but for Merlin and also for Eggsy these minutes had felt like an eternity. He strode into the house right into the kitchen, which was a true mess. The floor was still covered in glass and milk, but the milk, which had been light pink before, was blood red now.

 

Looking around the corner, he found the reason for all the blood. Eggsy was kneeling on the floor, Harry’s head in his lap with his own head pressed against it, nearly naked except for his blood soaked boxers and mumbled unintelligible words. And dear Lord, Eggsy’s feet were bleeding like mad.

 

He approached them cautiously but with termination, startling Eggsy would not be a good idea now.

 

‘Eggsy. Eggsy, I’m here. It’s me, Merlin, do you hear me?’

 

He stepped through the mess of glass and milk and blood, so much blood, and rested one hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. The boy was shivering all over, and Merlin was sure it wasn’t because he was cold. He was still mumbling into Harry’s hair and Merlin didn’t get most of it, but he was quite sure he heard something that sounded like _I love you._

 

He knew it. He had always known it and Roxy hadn’t told him, even after he’d asked her. That girl was really good with keeping her friend’s secrets, Merlin had to give her that. But this only meant they had to deal with this situation way more cautiously, Merlin suspected that separating Harry and Eggsy now wasn’t a good idea. Eggsy would just break, if he wasn’t already broken by now, which Merlin wasn’t sure of.

 

It looked really bad, so he knelt next to Eggsy and kept his hands on the boy’s shoulders until, shortly after, he could he the sirens of the ambulance. From that point on, all went pretty fast.

 

They came in, finding the mess that was Harry and Eggsy. Merlin explained as much as he knew and added that he suspected that Harry fell and knocked his head on the counter, judging by the smear of blood he had left there.

 

Merlin had to nearly drag Eggsy away from Harry, which was easier said than actually done, because with the little strength he had left, Eggsy held onto Harry for dear life. When Merlin finally managed it, the doctors started to work on Harry’s head and Merlin propped Eggsy up against a nearby wall.

 

He talked to him soothingly, but he could almost see how Eggsy slipped away more and more, his mind blanking out to protect himself, a form of coping mechanism. He still shivered all over and the medics gave Merlin a blanket with which he covered Eggsy, who didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he just stared, his nearly dead eyes not giving away if he was aware of what was happening around him.

 

It was bad, even worse than Merlin had expected, and even after the medics had told Merlin that Harry would be okay, he couldn’t hide his worry.

 

‘Would you please look after him as well, I’m pretty sure he’s in shock and I guess his feet need a bit of attention too.’

 

The medics nodded, taking in the picture of the boy in front of them, and went out to get the supplies they’d need for Eggsy. When they came back, they started on Eggsy’s feet, pulling out the shards and cleaning them from the milk and Harry’s blood.

 

While they did that, Merlin talked to him again, telling him all would be well, and how the medics say Harry would be fine, it had been just a sudden faintness, something like that could happen anytime after such an injury, and that Eggsy did a great job and had probably rescued Harry because he found him.

 

Eggsy reacted to neither Merlin’s voice, nor the pain at his feet where the medics were still pulling out shards. He just kept staring and shivering, his big grey eyes still welling up with tears. He also didn’t talk when someone other than Merlin tried to talk to him and so it was decided that Eggsy needed to be given something to calm him.

 

When the nurse drew up the syringe, a bit of life finally came back to Eggsy. He blinked once, twice, and then turned his head slowly into Merlin’s direction. In the meantime, the nurse was binding Eggsy’s arm to find a suitable vein and Eggsy huffed a deep breath. When he finally spoke, his voice was raw and low, something merely more than a whisper.

 

‘Wha’ if he woud’ve died, Merlin, hm? Than he wou’be dead an’ I neva tol’ ‘im ‘ow much I luve’im. ‘e woud’ve died withou’ knowin’ how fuckin’ much I luve ‘im becuz I’m a fuckin’ cowar’-‘

 

Eggsy’s voice trailed of and he closed his eyes when the nurse pulled down the plunger and the drug crashed through his system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm really, really sorry, but that chapter practically wrote itself. It just sort of happened. Honestly.


	18. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of the last night, Harry wakes up to a more than pissed of Merlin and an Eggsy-shaped bundle next to him. In his bed.

As the first sunbeams shone through the window of Harry’s living room, Merlin slowly woke up and blinked to adjust to the brightness. It was just past 7 a.m. and Merlin felt like a bus had ran him over, but it could have been worse, so much worse.

 

Merlin straightened up and went to look for one of the two medics who had kept watch over Harry and Eggsy over the rest of the night. When he found them, he got filled in on his colleagues’ conditions.

 

Harry had been quite lucky under the circumstances. His wound was just superficial, a bit from the shot wound had not healed perfectly yet and had opened again after he had fallen, and his body had reacted with unconsciousness. Normal symptoms, the doctor told him, after such a serious injury.

 

As for Eggsy, he had suffered a bad shock, and, judging his overall reaction, he had already suffered from a minor case of PTSD. The doctor’s, who didn’t know all about how Harry got his injury in the first place, supposed, that the image of Harry on the floor with his head bleeding had triggered a memory that had caused Eggsy so much distress. He didn’t tell the medics, but Merlin knew exactly which memory that was. And, additionally, he hadn’t forgotten what Eggsy had said before the calming drugs had kicked into gear. Merlin knew all he needed to know.

 

He would have to talk about this with Harry. Meddling with other people’s relationships had never been Merlin’s style, but they were at a point now where one part of this relationship was about to break down because of the fear of losing the other one and as much as he respected Harry’s privacy, Merlin was most definitely not sacrificing Eggsy’s mental health to maintain it.

 

After having everything cleared with the medics, Merlin went to Harry’s bedroom to check on his two fellow agents. The room was dark, only a sliver of sunshine made its way through the thick curtains that were completely closed, but what Merlin could see was enough to make his heart a bit softer, something only Roxy seemed to achieve these days. But the scene in front of him would have affected everyone.

 

Harry’s bed was king-sized and offered enough space for both men to sleep comfortably with enough space around them, but Harry as well as Eggsy apparently couldn’t care less.

 

Both men were on their sides in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Harry’s bandaged head was comfortably resting on one of the plush pillows with Eggsy’s head tucked under his chin. The boy nearly pressed his face into Harry’s neck and chest while both his hands were fisted in the soft material of Harry’s pyjamas. Harry’s upper arm was slung around Eggsy’s torso and shoulders with his hand resting on the back of Eggsy’s hair.

 

Their bodies, as much as Merlin could make out of them under the thick material of the duvet, were pressed flush against each other, their legs tangled. Eggsy’s bandaged feet peeked out under the duvet, traces of blood visible in the bandaging material. His feet would hurt as hell when he woke up.

 

What Merlin witnessed there was intimate, something that wasn’t meant for his eyes even if these displays of affection were unconscious, but he wanted to be there when the first of them woke up, so he dragged the cosy armchair that currently was by the window to a place near the bed and waited.

 

About three hours later, Harry stirred in the bed and Merlin looked up from the book he had taken from the bookshelf in the living room. He slowly opened his eyes and even the tiny bit of light that made its way through the curtain sent a jolt of pain through his head. Harry groaned and touched his head, feeling the soft texture of the bandaging material under his fingers.

 

Then, Harry froze and his gaze wandered down a bit. Eggsy still was pressed against him and held onto Harry’s pyjamas for dear life. Without even turning his head the tiniest fraction, Harry addressed Merlin.

 

‘Come on, just say it already.’

 

‘Harry, you’re an idiot.’

 

‘A little less than I expected, but okay.’

 

Harry tried to turn onto his back to look at Merlin while he talked to him, but with Eggsy clinging to him like this it proved harder than initially thought. When Harry finally had settled on his back, his head cautiously propped up against the head of the bed, Eggsy changed his position as well as if he subconsciously tried to make up for the lack of contact.

 

Eggsy was now mostly draped on top of Harry, the boy’s head resting on Harry’s chest right above his heart and his hand at Harry’s ribs, again holding on to Harry’s pyjamas. He looked down at Eggsy sleeping on his chest and smiled at how beautiful and innocent Eggsy looked. Then he remembered they weren’t alone.

 

He looked up at Merlin who observed him with his eyebrows raised and one corner of his mouth curled up in a smile and Harry knew he and Merlin were about to have long conversation. Harry sighed.

 

‘Okay, before you say anything and you deliver your tirade, would you mind to tell me what exactly happened? As you might understand, my recollection of last night’s events is somewhat… blurry.’

 

Merlin really wanted nothing more right now than to tell Harry how stupid he was for acting like an oblivious fool, but he guessed that explanations were in order first, he owed Harry that much.

 

‘Okay, I guess you deserve that much, but don’t think you can avoid me giving you hell, because you deserve that as well. So, from the beginning. We don’t really know what exactly happened, but what I found last night when I arrived told me enough to at least make well-founded assumption. I guess you woke in the middle of the night and were thirsty, so you wanted to go down to get a glass of milk. Foolish and arrogant as you are, you abandoned the stair lift I generously installed in your house and chose to walk them down. Then I don’t really know what happened, but we guess that you, as soon as you were at the fridge, became too weak and fainted. You knocked your head and a part of your wound opened again. That’s how Eggsy found you, surrounded by shattered glass, milk and blood.’

 

‘Okay, that explains the bandage and the enormous headache, but…’

 

Harry’s voice trailed off and he nodded in the general direction of where Eggsy was still soundly asleep on his chest.

 

‘… what about that?’

 

‘Well, as I already told you, he found you bleeding on the floor and, to be honest, when I arrived you weren’t the one I was concerned about.’

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

Merlin rolled his eyes and had to try really hard to keep his temper under control.

 

‘You’re an enormous pain in the arse, you know that? He was devastated when he found you, Harry! When I came in, he was sitting by your side and was weeping, he was covered in your blood and his own from where your head rested in his lap and where he had ran through the glass shards on the floor. At first, he wouldn’t even let go of you when the medics were there and when he finally did, he didn’t talk. He just sat there and stared right through me as if I wasn’t there and when he finally talked, I couldn’t believe my ears. I won’t tell you what he said, but I can assure you he was in shock, Harry! So, the doctors wanted him to be with you when he wakes up, something about not wanting to cause him more distress by separating the two of you. I really don’t know what this isbetween the two of you, but you better get a grip on yourself, Hart! Because I won’t witness how you destroy him and what’s left of his sanity after he watched you getting shot. Think about it.’

 

‘Merlin, I…’

 

But Merlin had already stood up and was about to walk out of the room. Harry had never seen Merlin like this, his friend had always been the calmer one, but he knew that he must have fucked up when Merlin was like this.

 

He looked down at Eggsy’s sleeping form again. From where his head was resting against the headboard now he could almost see to end of the bed and when he craned his neck, he could see Eggsy’s feet peeking out. They were covered in bandaging material, and blood. Harry closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose with forefinger and thumb, feeling his headache take over again.

 

He understood why Merlin was mad at him and, to be honest, he wasn’t quite satisfied with his behaviour himself. He’d not thought this through. Damaging his head even further was bad, but causing Eggsy harm was the worst. He’d never do this again, Harry swore to himself, he’d do everything in his power to protect Eggsy, he’d –‘

 

‘ ‘arry?’

 

Harry lost track of his thought when he heard Eggsy’s voice, thin and raspy, and opened his eyes again to look at Eggsy, who slowly woke up.

 

Eggsy felt groggy, like that one time he had woken up after he and his friends had experimented with drugs at a particularly boring party. His eyelids were heavy, his throat dry and he felt like he was packed in cotton wool. But, in comparison to then, he felt warm this time, quite comfortable even.

 

He slowly opened his eyes and, instead of seeing the cotton of the sheets, he saw the dark cotton stretched across something that was too hard to be a pillow. He slowly looked up and found Harry gazing down at him, worry and concern written all over his face.

 

And then, Eggsy’s brain kicked back into gear. He suddenly realized he was draped all over Harry’s chest, was clutching at him, had his feet tangled with Harry’s, in _Harry’s bed._ On the one hand, this was all Eggsy had wanted for a long time, but Harry’s expression told him something was wrong. He tried to put some distance between himself and Harry, but Harry held him close.

 

‘It’s okay, Eggsy, stay. We both had quite a rough night, I guess.’

 

Eggsy tried to remember what Harry meant with that and then the memories came back. Harry’s empty bed, the lights downstairs, the milk, the glass shards, the blood, Harry. Harry.

 

‘Oh god, I remember. Wait! Harry, how are you? How’s your head? Is everything all right? Are you –‘

 

‘Eggsy, shh, it’s okay. I’m fine, no permanent harm done. Thanks to you.’

 

The fond expression on Harry’s face was more than Eggsy could handle right now, so he looked down to avoid it.

 

‘I’m sorry, Eggsy.’

 

He looked up again, meeting Harry’s eyes and found that the fond expression had subsided to something more painful. But Eggsy didn’t know why.

 

‘For what?’

 

‘For what I’ve done, all of it. I –‘

 

‘Harry, it’s fine.’

 

Harry raised his voice now, why the hell didn’t his boy understand him?

 

‘No, Eggsy! It’s not fine! I’ve hurt you, I see that now. You had to see what happened in Kentucky, and then what happened last night. Merlin told me how he found you last night and, frankly, he told me he was more worried for you than for me, and I was covered in my own blood. So, no matter what it is, you should talk to someone, and I mean it. Even if you don’t want to tell me, please promise me to tell someone else, okay?’

 

Eggsy didn’t really know what Harry was talking about. He remembered how he had found Harry, but after that, everything was blurry und unclear in his mind. He tried to focus, but his head started to throb violently again and his vision became worse, so he closed his eyes. There were only fragments of what had happened after he had found Harry, but he desperately wanted to know.

 

He let his head fall back against shoulder, not even pretending to be bothered by the fact that he was still lying in Harry’s arms, and blocked his eyes with an arm. The light hurt.

 

‘I – Uh – I don’t remember much, only tiny bits. I was with you, people were talking to me, there was light, there was blood, and I was in pain. Merlin was there, too, I remember him sitting next to me, and I think I said something to him, but I don’t remember what or if I’m just imagining this. That’s all I know.’

 

‘You were in shock, at least that’s what Merlin told me, so the medics gave you something to calm you down. I guess that’s why you feel so groggy and can’t really remember everything clearly. And Merlin also mentioned that you talked to him, although he didn’t tell me what you said. I guess you could ask him later, he’s still here.’

 

‘Okay, and – uhm – how did I get here?’, while saying this, Eggsy gestured around him to show he really meant Harry’s bed with “here”.

 

‘Well, Merlin told me the medics were convinced it was better for us, you as well as me, not to be separated. They thought waking up and instantly seeing the other one was better for us than waking up alone and having to wait until someone fills us in on the other one’s condition. I have to admit, they were right, at least if you ask me. But I expect Merlin to explain you everything in detail later. For now, you should maybe get a bit more sleep, you look pretty tired.’

 

Eggsy nodded, already drifting away. He tried to shuffle away from Harry to leave and go to his own room, Harry might also need some peace and distance, but was surprised when Harry gripped him a little tighter and tried to stop him.

 

‘No, Eggsy, no. Don’t go! I mean, of course you can if you want to, but, uh, I can’t say I mind and of course I want you to be comfortable and I understand when you feel more comfortable in the next door bedroom, but, if you’d want to stay here, I’d be glad, I don’t really want you to go, and the bed is big enough, so –‘

 

Eggsy forced his eyes open to meet Harry’s gaze and see if he’s just being polite, but he only found sincerity in his eyes. Harry wanted him to stay with him, in his room, and his bed. He still held Eggsy in his arm and, despite the last night’s events and the throbbing in his head, Eggsy was happy, so he nodded, the movement already sluggish.

 

‘Yeah. Yeah, I’d really like to stay ‘ere wi’ ya, ya’re a lot cosier anyway.’

 

In his mind, Eggsy blamed the last remnants of the drug in his system for the last part, but deep down he knew he was just being honest. But that didn’t matter now. He snuggled closer to Harry again and buried his nose in Harry’s neck, inhaling the soothing scent that was just Harry, and closed his eyes. While sleep lulled his mind, he felt how Harry’s hand raked through his hair and sighed contently. This was how it was meant to be.

 

Meanwhile, Merlin was sitting in the hall in front of Harry’s bedroom and shook his head. Maybe, just maybe, he had overheard what had been said. He smiled to himself. Those poor idiots really needed help, but at least, they were on the right road now.


	19. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everything that had happened, Harry knows he has to make a promise. Will he keep it?

Harry was awake only two and a half hours later. His head was still throbbing a bit, but it was bearable. What really soothed him was the warm weight currently pressing against him. Eggsy was still in his arms, his brow slightly furrowed, but otherwise completely still and even now, with the dark circles under his eyes and his hair sticking up in every direction, Harry thought he was the most beautiful thing on earth.

 

He didn’t dare to move too much, not wanting to startle Eggsy or to wake him up, but he couldn’t resist shuffling down a bit to bury his nose in Eggsy’s soft hair and press a chaste kiss to his forehead. As long as no one has seen it, it hasn’t happened, right? Well, at least that’s the theory, because it isn’t entirely true when most of the people you consider your closest friends are spies with extraordinary skills.

 

Harry looked up and locked his eyes on the wall in front of him, he didn’t need to look at the door, he felt the presence.

 

‘Don’t you dare say a word, Merlin.’

 

‘I didn’t say anything’, Merlin chuckled, not leaving the spot where he was standing and leaning against the doorframe.

 

‘Shut it.’

 

‘As much as I wish I could indulge your every wish, old friend, I’m sorry to inform you I won’t shut it.’

 

Merlin’s voice practically dripped with sarcasm and Harry groaned, expecting another one of Merlin’s lectures.

 

Instead, Merlin took a seat next to the bed and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he looked at Harry again, there was seriousness in his eyes, but not as hard and unyielding as if they were on a mission. There was something softer underneath that Harry couldn’t quite name.

 

‘Listen to me, Harry. I know how you think about all of this, we’ve already talked about it back in the hospital, but are you really that blind? Is it really that hard for you to see it? Or is it hard to believe it? I don’t know which it is, but you have to finally get a grip on yourself. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, you never had such a hard time to get what you wanted, but now you behave like a schoolboy. I know, this is none of my business and I shouldn’t meddle with this and I sure as hell won’t seal the deal for you, but I will tell you one thing, Harry: This boy in your arms is so far gone for you that you wouldn’t believe it. I guess Roxy knows more, but she wouldn’t tell. So, no matter what you do, don’t fuck this up, don’t hurt him. If you really care so deeply for him as you say you do, make a move. Just do it, Harry. Even I did, after I realised that it won’t do any good to hold back and guess what? The world didn’t end, quite the contrary, actually. Listen to your friend, Harry, just this once.’

 

Without another word, Merlin stood up and made his way to the door, but before he was out of sight, Harry stopped him.

 

‘Merlin, wait’

 

‘Sure, what is it?’

 

‘You said you made a move.’

 

‘That’s what I said, yes.’

 

Harry took a deep breath, talking about these private matters wasn’t easy for him and it would never be, but he had to ask this, he needed the reassurance and he needed it now.

 

‘Was it worth it? Are you – Are you happy? With her?’

 

Merlin, who had looked straight at Harry before, averted his eyes now and lowered his gaze to the ground. Most of his face was hidden now, but Harry could make out the outlines of a smile on his friend’s face. He looked up again, his face sporting an expression Harry didn’t get to see often these days.

 

‘Better than that, Harry, I’m alive with her’, Merlin said, still smiling, and rounded the corner to get out of the room.

Harry let out an exasperated sigh. Merlin was right, Harry knew that, but still… He didn’t think he could handle the rejection, if Eggsy turned him down. And he couldn’t lose him, not after everything they’ve been through. Losing Eggsy would be a nightmare, like falling into a dark hole without any source of light.

 

He looked down at Eggsy again. Maybe there were other ways. Maybe there was a way to make Eggsy make the first move, to be sure that’s what he’s wanted all along. It couldn’t be impossible. Harry knew Eggsy had been flirting with him before. Last night at dinner, for example. But even before then he’d been flirting, hadn’t he?

 

But, and Harry’s stomach turned at the idea, what if this was a game for Eggsy? He knew Eggsy liked him, cared for him, but what if his feelings weren’t the same as those Harry had developed for Eggsy? What if Eggsy was just looking for something without having to make a commitment?

 

Harry remembered Merlin’s words _“The boy is so far gone for you that you wouldn’t believe it”_.

 

Harry let out another sigh. It could’ve been so easy. If he were just a few years, oh come on Hart, who are we kidding here, one or two decades younger, he wouldn’t have thought twice. But this? This was difficult. Not only difficult, but it was also meddling with his morals, which Harry had always valued. There was not only the age issue, they were practically colleagues now, weren’t they?

 

He tried to see it from different angles, but every outcome was the same, or even worse, than before. He was an old, damaged man who was desperately in love with a gorgeous boy who wasn’t even half his age. But apparently, Merlin had done the same. Not that if Merlin had done it, he would do it, to him was just proof that –

 

In that moment, Eggsy began to stir in his arms. Lightly, at first, but it didn’t take long for him to start shaking and scrunch up his face, and that was when Harry knew Eggsy wasn’t waking up, but having a nightmare. Harry tried to sooth him, waking him up would maybe unsettle him too much, so he talked to him calmly and stroked his hair, but that didn’t seem to help. Eggsy groaned and grimaced while a soft sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead. He was white as a sheet.

 

Harry felt helpless. He really wanted to help Eggsy but didn’t know what would help and what would only make it worse. Eggsy was shaking violently by now, his muscles tensing in his whole body. It got worse. He started thrashing around and Harry loosened the grip he had at Eggsy, sure it wouldn’t do any good if Eggsy felt trapped.

 

‘Eggsy…’, Harry said calmly, keeping his voice in a low timbre, ‘it’s okay, my boy, I’m here. You’re safe. Nothing can happen. We’re home. Oh please, Eggsy, wake up…’

 

Towards the end, Harry noticed that he was pleading, but he couldn’t be bothered. Eggsy looked like he was in pain. He tried to reach out for him, but as soon as he touched Eggsy, the boy flinched back and whimpered. Harry’s heart clenched in his chest. He knew this hadn’t been a conscious reaction, but that didn’t change the fact that it hurt to see Eggsy shy away from him like a trapped animal.

 

Eggsy’s groans had subsided, but what followed was even worse. Eggsy’s dream seemed to be livid enough for him to start talking in his sleep. But maybe, talking wasn’t the right word. Begging was a more accurate description and what Harry heard nearly ripped his heart out.

 

‘No, _please,_ don’t…’

 

‘Eggsy, it’s okay, you’re safe’

 

‘Don’t, don’t shoot him, _please’_

‘Shh, no one will shoot, you’re safe’

 

‘Shoot me instead!’

 

‘Eggsy, please wake up, please. Calm down, _please.’_

‘Harry!’

 

And with that, with Harry’s name on his lips and a strangled sound in his throat, Eggsy’s eyes opened suddenly and he shot up into a sitting position. His whole body was trembling and he was wet with sweat, his eyes wide in shock. Eggsy’s breath came ragged and he stared at Harry as if he didn’t believe Harry was there, warm and living and breathing.

 

He stayed completely still for a few moments and Harry didn’t move either. He didn’t want to unsettle Eggsy by moving too fast or too early, so he waited for Eggsy to come out of his state. It didn’t take long.

 

‘Harry’, Eggsy whispered barely audible. Tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes and he sobbed.

 

‘Yes, Eggsy, I’m here.’

 

Before Harry could do as much as blink, Eggsy was pressed to his side again as if he was looking for as much contact as possible. Harry didn’t mind. He would never mind, no matter the circumstances. If that was what Eggsy needed, he would provide it, it was as simple as that.

 

Eggsy slung his arms tightly around Harry and pressed his face into Harry’s neck, right into the crook where neck met shoulders. After a few seconds, Harry could feel Eggsy’s tears wetting his shirt. Between his sobs, Eggsy mumbled nearly undistinguishable things into his skin.

 

‘’m sorry, ‘arry, but – but, ‘e shot you again an’ ‘gain an’ ‘gain an’ ‘e laughed an’ I didn’ know wha’ to do an’ you were dead –‘

 

Harry raised his arms and embraced Eggsy, one hand drawing circles on the back of the boy’s neck. He was still sobbing and crying, but slowly, very slowly, Eggsy’s body seemed to relax a bit and the tension started to leave his muscles.

 

‘I’m here Eggsy, I’m not dead. It’s okay.’

 

‘Okay? No ‘arry, it’s no’ okay. I had to see ya die, twice, an’ now I hav’ to see ya die ‘gain in ma dreams every fuckin’ time I close ma eyes. I – I can’t. Ya can’t leave me, ya hear me, ‘arry? Ya can’t!’

 

‘I won’t. I promise, Eggsy.’

 

Eggsy lifted his head to look at Harry. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed from crying and his lips were swollen, red stress-spots were on his cheeks and his neck, but still Harry didn’t think he’d ever seen something, or someone, for that matter, that beautiful. Eggsy was a marvel, injured or healthy, tired or wide-awake, crying or laughing.

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yes, really. I can’t promise to never leave again, at least not if I’ll ever be able to work again, but I promise you to never leave you behind like that again. You didn’t deserve this, I know that. And I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt you, not again. I’m sorry, Eggsy. I’m truly sorry and I hope you forgive me for being foolish and selfish.’

 

‘ ‘course I do, I always will.’

 

Harry smiled and tightened his grip on Eggsy a bit to underline the promise he’s just made. It wasn’t perfect and it sure wasn’t everything Harry wanted, but for now, this was just right and enough. After all they’ve been through, they had to take it slow. And promising Eggsy to never leave him again and Eggsy being happy about that was, in Harry’s opinion, a good start. Maybe there was hope.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When one of the medics checked on them about an hour later, Eggsy had calmed down. He was still a bit tense, but, regarding the night they’ve had, that was only to be expected. Fortunately, the medics refrained from giving Eggsy something to calm him down again, but insisted that one of them stayed in the house, just in case one of them needed medication or Harry started to feel sick from the blow to his head.

 

When the nurse, a patient woman in her early thirties, said she would sleep downstairs on the couch, Eggsy cut in.

 

‘No, you can have the room next door, I’ll sleep here anyway, uh, I mean, if you don’t mind…’

 

Eggsy’s gaze wandered to Harry, who shook his head.

 

‘No, it’s all right. Take the room next door, Eggsy will stay here. I guess all of us will have a better night then.’

 

‘Thank you; I wish you a good night then. And please don’t hesitate to ring or to call if you’re in need of something, that’s what I’m here for.’

 

She turned around and made her way to the other bedroom, followed by Harry’s and Eggsy’s “Good night”. Good thing, none of both men got to see the knowing smile spreading on the nurse’s face.

 

When they heard the door of the other bedroom close, Eggsy and Harry stayed silent. Both wanted to address certain things, but either one waited for the other to be the first one to speak, so, after a while, their eyes found each other. They still didn’t say anything, just lay next to other and memorised the eyes of the other one.

 

Both were trying to muster the courage to speak up, but when Harry drew a deep breath and Eggsy thought he would finally start to say something, Eggsy’s mobile on the nightstand beeped, and the moment was gone.

 

Harry closed his eyes and smiled softly, exhaling in relief, while Eggsy turned around to fetch his mobile and read the message.

 

‘Harry?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘Rox just texted, she wants to accompany Merlin tomorrow when he pays a visit, would that be okay for you? I mean, having someone else around and so on?’

 

‘Of course, I’ve grown to like Roxanne, you know. And seeing that she is a close friend of yours and this, by now, is your home as well as mine, it would not be right of me to tell her to stay away. She’s always welcome here, you can tell her that.’

 

‘I will, thanks. Ya know that ya’re the best, don’t cha, Harry?’

 

Harry chuckled, a low and soft sound that made Eggsy feel warm.

 

‘Well, I wouldn’t say the best, but damn close.’

 

They both laughed at that while Eggsy texted Roxy, excited for her visit the next say. He was sure she would be fussing all over them while Merlin tried to stop her from being a mother hen. It would be hilarious.

 

Only twenty minutes later, Harry and Eggsy were both asleep, wrapped around each other while Eggsy snored softly.

 

None of them had nightmares this night.


	20. Say it as it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bombshell gets dropped and Eggsy and Harry are shell-shocked

When Harry and Eggsy woke up the next morning, they still were in each other’s arms, none of them had moved in his sleep, and both of them felt as well rested as ever. At first, it was a bit awkward for them to wake up like this. Without nightmares or other incidents that would have made them need to comfort each other, it almost felt like they were lovers who had spent years with each other, a thought that made both of them blush slightly.

 

‘Good morning, Eggsy. Have you slept well?’, Harry asked, his voice a bit hoarse from sleep.

 

Eggsy stifled a yawn.

 

‘G’ Morning. Yeah, slept like a baby, could do with a few more hours, though.’

 

‘As much as I’d love to give you that, the nurse will come in soon to check on us, but I guess you could have a nap in the afternoon. Okay?’

 

‘Okay, deal.’

 

As if on command, there was a knock on the door and, after Harry answered, the nurse came in, a friendly smile on her lips.

 

‘Good morning, Mr Hart and Mr Unwin, I hope you had a good night’s rest. I’m just here to check on your wounds and, if the results are satisfactory, I’ll leave today and just come in tomorrow for another quick check.’

 

‘Sounds great’, Harry says, shuffling over to put a bit of distance between him and Eggsy and to make it easier for the nurse to look after the wound at his head.

 

She undid the wrapping and cleaned the wound, looking satisfied.

 

‘That looks great already, Mr Hart. I think we can leave the wrapping off. I’m mostly certain it won’t start bleeding again. In case the bleeding starts again, you can just call an ambulance or me.’

 

She went on and undid the wrapping on Eggsy’s feet to check on the wounds and, apparently satisfied with what she saw, bandaged them anew after putting a thick layer of antiseptics on them.

 

‘This also looks quite good, but I want you to apply this antiseptic for the rest of the week now before you cover your feet in bandages. It probably won’t be necessary for so long, but better safe than sorry. The soles of feet heal slowly and I really don’t want to take any risks when we could just give your skin a few days more now instead of a lot of painful days in the future. You agree with me?’

 

Eggsy wasn’t really happy with being disabled like that, but he agreed. He knew it was for the better and even if he didn’t really want to follow the nurse’s orders, he was sure as hell that Harry would make him do whatever the nurse said, so, listening to her in the first place seemed to be the right thing to do.

 

‘Yeah, sure. As long as you can make me walk again without leaving footprints like in a goddamn cliché horror movie, I’ll do whatever you want.’

 

‘That’s what I wanted to hear’, the nurse chuckled, ‘but I guess we’re fine with just a week of bandaging, and a day bed rest, maybe two. Is that acceptable?’

 

Harry looked at Eggsy as if he thought Eggsy would start to rant about how he wasn’t a child anymore and didn’t need any coddling, but to his surprise, Eggsy practically lit up at the idea of staying in bed for the next day.

 

‘More than acceptable!’, Eggsy said, before he turned to Harry, ‘Oh please, tell me I get to order Merlin around as soon as he’s here because I’m such a poor boy who isn’t allowed to walk just now.’

 

Both, the nurse and Harry, laughed out loud. Even she must have noticed by now what type of person Merlin is and that he was no one to be messed with.

 

‘If that helps you, I could inform him on your behalf, that neither of you is allowed out of bed within the next 48 hours. For serious medical reasons, of course.’

 

The wink the nurse had added to that offer was all it needed for Eggsy to be all in. Now, he looked at Harry, his eyes big and round like a puppy’s, and Harry had given in even before he had made a conscious choice. How was he expected to say no to that face?

 

‘Well, Merlin most certainly won’t be amused, but as long as he’s assured we aren’t just messing with him and there really are grave consequences to be expected when we get up to do something…’

 

Harry trailed off at that and his gaze shifted from Eggsy to the nurse, who didn’t need to think twice.

 

‘Be assured, I’m onto it. I hope you have a nice day, or at least as nice as the circumstances allow it. See you tomorrow.’

 

And with that and Harry’s and Eggsy’s farewell, the nurse was out of the room to inform Merlin about whatever she thought of what made it impossible for either Harry or Eggsy to do anything on their own.

 

Eggsy, facing the prospect of getting to order Merlin around shamelessly on his and Harry’s behalf while Roxy watched the whole scenery, grinned devilishly. The icing on the cake was just that he got to spend another day or two in bed with Harry, and, even if the circumstances that brought them there weren’t the best, it was definitely something to start with.

 

‘Soo, and what do we do now? Rox and Merlin won’t come around until 2, so we still have 4 more hours to kill.’

 

‘Good question. How about we turn on the telly and see whether we can find a nice film none of us has already seen? One of those 200 channels must have something in store for us.’

 

‘Sounds great. You can look for something as long as I go down and get something to eat and drink for us. Not sure about you, but I’m starving.’

 

Eggsy swung his legs off the bed and, although his back was turned to Harry, could barely hide his wince when his feet touched the floor for the first time. The nurse had been right that this would be difficult.

 

‘Eggsy, do you think this is a good idea? Maybe we should wait with that until Merlin and Roxy are here. We shouldn’t make your feet even worse, don’t you think?’

 

The worry in Harry’s words was almost palpable and they made something in Eggsy’s chest warm with affection. Would they ever stop to try and protect each other from any harm or hurt? Probably not.

 

‘Nah, don’t worry. I’ll just wear those super fluffy and squishy slippers you gave me and I’ll be fine.’

 

When Eggsy stood up and tested how much weight he could put on his feet, he registered that the slippers really did their part, but not all of it, so he made an effort of walking as cautiously as possible. No need to make Harry worry even more.

 

He went down with the stair lift, a luxury he thought was a) appropriate in this situation and would b) make Harry more comfortable with Eggsy going down, and grabbed a few essential things for a makeshift breakfast in bed.

 

Then he went up with the stair lift again and was met by Harry’s worried look when he entered the room and set the tray he had brought with him down on the bed.

 

‘Don’t worry’, Eggsy chuckled while sitting down on the bed and slipping out of the slippers, ‘it didn’t hurt too much. And look, my feet didn’t start bleeding again.’

 

Despite the situation, Harry couldn’t hide the half smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. He was worried, yes, but Eggsy throwing his feet in the air like a child was too endearing to not smile. It was times like these when Harry noticed how young Eggsy really was and that, with the lack of a father figure, Eggsy had to grow up way too fast. A thing Harry would never forgive himself for.

 

But those thoughts quickly subsided when they started to eat their small breakfast and watched a horribly sappy romantic comedy none of them had seen so far. But for the moment, this was all they needed.

 

* * *

 

 

It was exactly 13.57 pm when they heard a key turn in the lock of the front door, and only seconds later there was the stomping of no less than four dogs on the stairs.

 

JB was the first dog that entered the bedroom and promptly jumped on the bed to greet Harry and Eggsy properly. Merlin had taken him with him the night Harry had fallen, so Eggsy and JB had missed out on more than a day worth of cuddling.

 

Only a few moments later, Claudette, Tristan and Isolde came in, too, and, after greeting the two men a bit less enthusiastically, settled down beside Harry’s side of the bed.

 

‘Eggsy? Where are you?’, Roxy’s clear voice echoed through the house.

 

‘We’re in Harry’s bedroom, Rox’, Eggsy answered.

 

‘You’re in… Oh my, can we really come in? Or will I have to burn my eyes out afterwards?’

 

‘Just come in, you prat!’

 

A few seconds later, the door opened a bit more, and Roxy peered around the corner, her eyebrows raised. When she had taken in the situation, she turned around.

 

‘The coast is clear, you can come in. Nothing you wouldn’t want to see and couldn’t forget.’

 

While Eggsy rolled his eyes at Roxy, Merlin came in, carrying a box. Roxy directly came over to Eggsy’s side of the bed and nearly threw herself on top of him, hugging him so fiercely it blew all the air out of his lungs.

 

‘Eggsy, you idiot! What have you done? Are you hurting very bad? I was so worried! When Merlin told me, I couldn’t even think straight. I just wanted to come over and…’

 

‘Rox,’, Eggsy interrupted her, ‘I’m fine, I promise. Just a lil’ shock, nothing more. In a few days, I’ll be as good as new.’

 

‘I really hope so. If something happened to you…’

 

Roxy’s voice wore thin at that and her facial expression became pained. Merlin smiled at her sympathetically and Eggsy could only imagine how hard a time he must have had calming Roxy down when he told her what had happened.

 

‘Yeah, same here.’

 

They were hugging a few more seconds, before Roxy drew back and smiled, her eyes directed at the ceiling as if she was blinking back tears.

 

‘Okay, this is getting way to intense here.’

 

Meanwhile, Merlin had come up to Harry’s side and clapped his enormous hand on Harry’s shoulder. They didn’t need any words. The years of training and fighting alongside each other had done their part in developing their telepathic skills.

 

‘It’s great to see you, Roxy. I’m glad you came along to cheer Eggsy up.’

 

The moment Harry had directed his words at her, Roxy’s face became almost expressionless. Her mission-face, Eggsy recognized it immediately, and within seconds the tension in the room was way too thick.

 

Without even looking at Harry, Roxy forced a smile in Eggsy’s direction and stood up before heading to the door. Before she went out, Roxy faced Merlin, one hand at his side, the other on his chest.

 

‘I’m going down to make some tea’, she said, and barely before Merlin had even nodded in acknowledgement, she was out of the door and her steps were audible on the stairs. Even when she was downstairs, Harry and Eggsy didn’t say a word, they just stared at the door Roxy had walked out of. Merlin, on the other hand, looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. His expression told everything: He knew this was going to happen.

 

“What the ever-loving hell was that about?”

 

Eggsy now looked at Merlin in plain shock, his eyes wide. He just couldn’t understand why Roxy behaved like this when, only a few days before, she had been as kind as humanly possible?

 

“I more or less suspected this, I’m sorry. I tried to talk her out of this, tried to calm her down but well, you know her. When she has a certain opinion, it’s hard to convince her…”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know all of that. But you still didn’t answer my question, Merlin. What was that about? What is her opinion? What couldn’t you convince her of?”

 

“Eggsy, it really is no big deal. I’m sure-“, Harry tried to calm Eggsy down, but Eggsy would have none of it.

 

“Merlin, tell me”, Eggsy insisted.

 

Merlin sighed exasperatedly.

 

“Well, the thing is, when I came back to the manor after Harry fell, Roxy already knew something was off. She knew I wouldn’t just leave in the middle of the night without saying a word and then come back with JB in my arms and a few new wrinkles. So I told her, I told her everything I knew and what I got to know later. At first, she was just shocked, but after she heard what the reason for this entire disaster was…”

 

Merlin trailed off and didn’t start to speak again, but, as it turned out, this wasn’t necessary because Harry was the one finishing that sentence for him.

 

“She became angry at me for acting so foolishly”, Harry said, looking down at his folded hands on the duvet. He sounded sad, like he had been again reminded how much of a failure he was. Except that he wasn’t, in Eggsy’s eyes.

 

The latter didn’t even have enough time to process this information, when Roxy’s voice came from the doorway.

 

“You have no idea how bloody right you are, Hart!”

 

Roxy stood in the doorway, carrying a tray with two pots of tea, cups for them all and sugar and biscuits, which she now set down on Harry’s bedside table unnecessarily hard with a stern look on her face. Eggsy suspected they weren’t going to have tea anytime soon.

 

“Roxy, now is maybe not the right time…”, Merlin started, but only a look of her was enough to make Merlin shut his mouth again. Under any other circumstances this would have made Eggsy burst with laughter, but right now he was more concerned about Roxy, standing next to Harry, with nothing short of furious rage on her face.

 

“Now is exactly the right time, Merlin. I can’t believe you did that, Harry! After all you’ve been through, you act like a child, risk your life again and-“

 

Harry looked at her apologetically, his head bowed like a scolded child.

 

“I know what I did bordered on idiocy, be assured of that, and if had known the outcome I wouldn’t have dared to risk what’s left of my health.”  


To Eggsy, Harry’s words sounded sincere, but apparently, they weren’t what Roxy had wanted to hear. She just became even more enraged.

 

“Your health? You really think I am worrying about your health here? God, you really have no idea, do you?”

 

“I must admit, I’m really at a loss”, Harry said, his voice thin.

 

Roxy stormed around the bed to the side of Eggsy, who had been watching the whole scene silently, and pointed at him.

 

“You have absolutely no idea what you do to him with antics like that? What you did to him the moment he had to watch on a screen while you were getting shot? What you did to him every bloody day he waited for you to wake up back in the hospital? Shall I tell you?”

 

Harry just stared at Roxy, his eyes wide and a little watery. Hearing about all his flaws and faults again, especially the ones that had hurt Eggsy as well, wasn’t his favourite experience. In fact, he would have preferred a doctor’s appointment now. Or getting his mouth sewn shut while fully conscious, for that matter.

 

“Rox’-“, Eggsy tried to talk to her, tried to make her stop before she was going to say something she, or he, would regret later. But the simple hand gesture she made was enough to know that there was no going back now.

 

“Don’t even try to talk reason into me, Eggsy! I’ve watched this long enough now and I can’t stand it anymore. You had to go through far too much because of him and his obliviousness. And you”, she directed her gaze back at Harry, “Are you really that blind? Don’t you see what you do to him? How much he suffers because you have absolutely no sense of self-preservation? Why don’t you at least try for Eggsy? To make him happy? Isn’t it enough that he has already lost his father because you couldn’t be bothered with details? Does he also have to lose the man he fell in love with?”

 

Silence. There was nothing else than silence and Roxy’s heavy breathing. What had she done?

 

In an instant, Roxy’s face turned from alarmingly red to white as a sheet, the realization of what she’d just stated in a fit of rage really sinking in. Merlin hid his face in his hands, shaking his head slightly.

 

And Eggsy, Eggsy was still watching Roxy before he slowly, ever so slowly, turned his around to face Harry, who was watching him with wild eyes and his mouth open, his expression unreadable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the beans are spilled. About damn time. We'll see what our favourite idiots will make out of it:)


	21. Truth to be told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the obliviousness finally ends

“Harry, Eggsy, I-“, Roxy stammered, trying to backpedal to undo the damage she’d caused.

 

But Merlin had enough of it. While Harry and Eggsy were still staring at each other like they couldn’t believe the other one existed, Merlin stood up to interrupt Roxy’s apology.

 

“Roxy, out!”, Merlin ordered, voice stern.

 

“But Merlin-“

 

“Now!”

 

Both of them, Roxy with her head bowed, left the room in an instant. Roxy was sure that, as soon as they were out of earshot, Merlin would give her hell for what she had done.

 

She knew Merlin had wanted them to confess their feelings towards each other, had wanted to give them subtle shoves into the right direction, but she also knew that what she had just done in there wasn’t what Merlin had had in mind.

 

She had embarrassed Harry, and she had embarrassed Eggsy, which was even worse. Eggsy was her friend, has been ever since they first talked to each other back in training and what she had done to him was something he didn’t deserve.

 

Merlin and Roxy went down the stairs and into the living room where they sat down onto the couch. Roxy sat there and stared at her hands, slowly massaging at her knuckles, one by one. She didn’t dare to look at Merlin, who, no doubt, would have the worst look of disappointment on his face.

Roxy hated that look. And she certainly didn’t want to see it directed at herself, but it was no use. Adverting her eyes even longer with the knowledge Merlin was looking at her right now would only make it worse. Merlin might disapprove of what she had just done, but he hated cowardice even more.

 

So, after taking another breath to calm herself, she slowly looked up to find Merlin staring at her, as expected. His eyes were strong and unyielding, and, despite the normally warm colour, his stare was cold. Under any other circumstances, Roxy would think these features were incredibly attractive, but right now, with his steel-stare directed at her, she only wanted him to stop looking like that.

 

“I screwed up”, was the only thing she could bring herself to say.

 

“Obviously”

 

“And I – I’m sorry. I’ll go up later and apologise to Harry and Eggsy as well. It’s just – how can he hurt Eggsy like that? How can he not see how much he means to Eggsy? That the feelings he obviously has for Eggsy are mutual? Why do they have to do that to each other? I don’t get it…”

 

Roxy didn’t know what to say anymore. She was extremely upset, Merlin could see that. It was no secret that she cared deeply for Eggsy and, after they’d gotten to know each other, for Harry as well. Merlin was sure that she just wanted all the best for them, had wanted to help them, and that alone made him reach out for her hand.

 

“I know, Roxy, and it’s okay. Trust me, if I knew what was wrong with them I would have rewired their brains ages ago. It’s just, mentioning Eggsy’s father really wasn’t your finest hour, but I’m sure you know that. You didn’t want to hurt either of them.”

 

Merlin brought their still entwined hands to his lips and kissed each of Roxy’s knuckles, a gesture that told her that, at least, he had forgiven her for her sudden outburst. When he was finished, Merlin enclosed her hand in both of his hands, looking at her. It was moments like this when she couldn’t understand what she had done to deserve a man like Merlin, so incredibly strong and loving at the same time.

 

Roxy practically melted under his gaze, a soft smile that was reserved only for him playing on her lips.

 

“Who knows, maybe this was good for something. These two wankers up there would have needed all eternity to do something about their situation. They’re not like us, they don’t have the wits.”

 

When Roxy looked at Merlin for the specific glint in his eye that gave away when he told a joke, she didn’t find it. He seemed to be convinced by what he had just said. But he couldn’t be, could he?

 

Roxy thought of that one evening, Harry had still been in hospital, when Merlin had asked her out, all shy and stammering like a schoolboy and so unlike the collected professional Roxy had gotten to know in training. It had been ridiculous and endearing and Roxy had never been happier to say ‘yes’ to a date.

 

She just hoped that her sudden laughter, loud and bordering on hysterical, wouldn’t be heard upstairs.

 

* * *

 

When the door had closed behind Merlin and Roxy, Harry and Eggsy were still staring at each other in silence. During the last few moments, the air in the room had become unbelievably thick and Eggsy found it became harder and harder to breathe properly.

 

He wouldn’t be the first one to talk, that he was sure of. What Roxy had just done was bad enough, no need to make it even worse by stuttering some lame excuse about how sorry he was for Roxy’s outburst.

 

But the problem was, the silence was getting really awkward. Not only for him, but for Harry as well. Harry was swallowing repeatedly, clearly at a loss about what to say. This only got worse, Eggsy realised.

 

But what was there left to say? Of course, he could just say something along the lines of ‘I really don’t know what she meant’, but that felt more like betraying himself than anything else. On the other hand, admitting that Roxy had been right was just as bad an idea.

 

Harry could be appalled. Harry could want him to leave his house. Harry could avoid him.

 

Eggsy’s head was spinning. Damn Roxy and her badly controlled temper. What the bloody hell had gotten into her? Why did she have to do this for him? After all they’ve been through, as really close friends, you would think that-

 

“Is it true?”

 

Although Eggsy was still staring at Harry blankly, it took him a while to process the words Harry had just said. He just continued staring for a while and it was just when Harry’s face started to look concerned that Eggsy realised Harry was waiting for an answer.

 

“Listen I – I’m sorry. I don’t know what has gotten into her. She shouldn’t be talking to you like this, and as soon as I get a hold on her, I’ll-“, Eggsy started, but was interrupted by Harry.

 

“That isn’t the answer to my question. Is. It. True?”, Harry asked again, clearly noticing the way Eggsy had been avoiding to answer his question in the first place, now stressing every single word of his question.

 

He couldn’t avoid the question again, Eggsy knew that. The way Harry had stressed his words made quite clear that he expected an answer.

 

But what should he say? For the first time since Merlin and Roxy had left the room, Eggsy adverted his eyes, too afraid that Harry could read his struggle in them. At first, he just looked down to where his hands were struggling to stay still on the duvet, then he looked over to where the curtains were obscuring the view out of the window, soft light filtering through the curtains and bathing the room in warm light.

 

Even without looking, he could feel Harry’s gaze piercing through him. Surely, Harry knew what his answer was by now, but he wanted to hear it out loud from Eggsy. Did he want Eggsy to humiliate himself?

 

The seconds were ticking away, and with each and every moment getting the answer out became harder. Eggsy gave himself three more seconds to finally pluck up courage to tell Harry, and so he counted down in his head. And three…. Two… one…

 

“It is.”

 

At first it seemed like Harry didn’t really get the words, he just continued staring and Eggsy could feel himself burn under that stare. He was sure that, if he looked into a mirror now, his face would be bright red, from the tips of his ears down to his collarbone.

 

Why couldn’t Harry just stop looking at him like that and finally say something to put an end to this experience?

 

“Can you - you know – at least say something? Anything?”, Eggsy asked, now looking at Harry again.

 

Something in Harry’s eyes had changed, but Eggsy couldn’t really place it.

 

Harry swallowed visibly, apparently preparing to reject Eggsy and to tell him to leave. Eggsy tensed up unconsciously, preparing for the blow. This had to happen eventually, he really had it coming. He shouldn’t have trusted Roxy. It had been stupid to trust anyone with the feelings he had for his mentor, really. Why did he never pay any second thought about-

 

“The feeling’s mutual, you know.”

 

And, all at once, there was no air in the room anymore. He must’ve misheard Harry, there was no possible reason why Harry would say what Eggsy thought he did. But if he didn’t… Eggsy didn’t know what to say, but found himself speaking nevertheless.

 

“Say that again.”

 

“You heard me the first time.”

 

“So you…”

 

“Yes. And you, too…”

 

“Yepp”, Eggsy answered, popping the p. Suddenly, he felt better in his skin again.

He could hear Harry next to him draw in a deep breath, shuffling a bit to face him. Eggsy mirrored the movement, so their bodies and faces were turned to each other. They stayed like this for some moments, just looking each other in the eyes and searching for something they couldn’t really name. Something along the lines of ‘Are we in this together?’, ‘Are you sure?’, ‘Do you really want this?’ and much more.

 

Harry was the first one to find his voice again.

 

“So, are we…?”

 

He trailed off, unsure of how to phrase his question, gesturing vaguely between them with his hands.

 

This was a side Eggsy had never seen in Harry, but he thought it was oddly endearing. Harry, who always knew what to say, was rendered speechless, almost shy. Eggsy grinned.

 

“God, yes!”

 

And with that, Eggsy surged forward, meeting Harry halfway, thrumming with anticipation. But when their lips finally met, everything went still and the time stopped, although Eggsy swore that somewhere in the background, far, far away, he could hear someone laughing.

 

* * *

  

At some point, Roxy and Merlin still hadn’t heard anything from Harry and Eggsy again, Roxy started to worry. Were they still mad at her and didn’t want to see her again?

 

“I’m going up to apologise now. Waiting longer will only make this worse, and I can’t stand the thought of Eggsy being mad at me. Will you wait here for me?”, Roxy asked.

 

She was nervous. Maybe they would yell at her for throwing such a tantrum.

 

“Of course I will. I’ll make some tea, you may need it. And since we never got to drink the tea you prepared…”, Merlin answered, smiling at her mischievously.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know…”

 

With that, Roxy turned around and walked out of the living room to climb up the stairs. She still couldn’t hear anyone talking. Had Eggsy left Harry alone in his room and was alone in the guestroom now?

 

Climbing up the stairs, Roxy felt worse and worse. What had she done?

 

She decided to look into the guestroom first, but the door was still firmly shut, just as it had been when she had arrived. She was just about to open the door when she heard a soft huff of laughter, but the sound didn’t come from the closed door in front of her.

 

The other bedroom, then. Roxy turned around silently, already knowing that, if what she had heard had indeed been laughter, she couldn’t have caused too much harm. She approached the bedroom slowly, peeked through the small gap between door and frame…

 

And oh, Merlin definitely owed her one. Hell, the whole world owed her one. The pining seemed finally to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's basically it:) Our favourite idiots have finally made it:) 
> 
> The story is finished now. However, I'll upload another chapter as a sort of epilogue to show you what becomes of Harry and Eggsy in the end:)


	22. The End of the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set a few months after the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this came way too late, but I hope you like it regardless:)

Finally, the double door opened.  
  
“Ah, there you are at last. A little late, are we?”  
  
“Merlin, have you ever known me otherwise?”  
  
“Certainly not.”  
  
Harry and Eggsy stepped into the conference room and stood on either side of Merlin, who tried to look annoyed, but failed miserably.  
  
“Well, I guess it’s time to start, then. My fellow knights, today we’re hear to announce important matters, which I why I’ve made sure we all are present in person. Today is the day we can finally welcome back the one knight who had been in service the longest. I’d like to welcome back Harry Hart, former Galahad, who finally decided to come back from the dead for good.”  
  
Merlin clapped one of his enormous hands on Harry’s back and smiled fondly, before pulling him into an embrace, while Eggsy watched them with a fond expression in his eyes. This was the day they’d been waiting for and he could barely believe it was finally there. The other knights were clapping and welcomed him back with a toast, tumblers of brandy raised in the air.  
  
When most of the noise had ebbed, Merlin continued.  
  
“Of course, you all are aware of certain, uh, events, that have put us in the position we are in now and has left us with not only one, but two seats on our roundtable empty, one of which is the position of Arthur. Out statutes are as it follows. At first, Harry Hart would get his position as Galahad back before immediately take the name of Arthur as the one knight with most years spent at Kingsman. Afterwards, each and everyone of you would have a few weeks time to propose a candidate to fill in as Galahad and we would run the usual initiation protocol. I, however, would like to throw another option in.”  
  
Some of the knights started to murmur. Of course, they’d registered Eggsy’s presence, but maybe some of them had supposed he was just here for being honoured for taking down Valentine. Now, they seemed to get the point. Eggsy started to sweat.  
  
“You all have been informed about the events of the day Richmond Valentine had been taken down and you all know which agents, and persons, for that matter, have been involved. As I see it, we all agree that what Gary and Roxanne have mastered together, was more than knight worthy, especially considering that they were just out of training. Bearing this and the fact that Roxanne has already been introduced as the new Lancelot, I’d like to make the following suggestion: We will, just this once, skip the process of proposing new initiates and training new agents, and instead give the vacant spot of Galahad to Gary Unwin. In my opinion, he’s already proved he’s more than worthy of knighthood.”  
  
Against Eggsy’s expectations, all knights started clapping immediately, welcoming Merlin’s suggestion with enthusiasm. Roxy even cheered and if Eggsy’s eyesight didn’t get faulty in the last few minutes, he noticed the few little tears that were leaking out of her eyes.  
  
Next to him, Merlin smiled and nodded to himself before he leaned to him to say: “I told you this would happen, Eggsy. Congratulations, you deserve.”  
  
Right in this moment, Eggsy didn’t think he could probably be happier, but then he looked at Harry. The man was practically beaming with joy, his smile almost threatening to split his face in half. They looked at each other for some long moments, completely lost in their eyes, until Merlin cleared his throat quite audibly. The applause had died down.  
  
“Very well, I’ll take that as a yes. In that case, I’d like you to raise your glasses, to Harry Hart, former Galahad, now Arthur and to Gary Unwin, new knight and from now on known as Galahad. Cheers.”  
  


* * *

 

  
  
After most of the turmoil was over and all of the other knights had congratulated them to their newfound health and their new positions on the roundtable, including some squishy and tear-soaked hugs from Roxy who could barely contain herself with joy, Harry and Eggsy found themselves on the grounds of the manor, alone for the first time today.  
  
“You know, Eggsy, I’ve always known you were knight material”, Harry said, after they’d walked quite a distance in silence.  
  
“Oh, have you? I guess I couldn’t quite tell after you scolded me for being too chicken to shoot my dog”, Eggsy answered, looking down at JB who slowly trotted next to him, occasionally sniffing on a patch of grass.  
  
“In fact, I think my first act as Arthur will be to scratch that part of training. I guess Merlin will find another way to torment the new recruits physically and mentally, no need to make them believe they have to kill an innocent being. That’s not what being a knight is about, anyways.”  
  
Harry stared into the distance, thinking of the time when they had told them to shoot Mr Pickle. He had done it, yes, somehow sensing the fluke, but that had resulted in Harry protecting that little dog with all he had. As long as Mr Pickle had lived, Harry had thought he had some kind of debt to redeem because he had been willing to sacrifice him for the sake of a job. Maybe this was the reason he still spoiled any dog in arm’s reach, including JB who had already been insufferably spoiled by Eggsy.  
  
Eggsy chuckled.  
  
“Well, bit too late for me, I guess, but I’m glad to hear that. That’s sounds a lot like you, actually.”  
  
“Does it?”  
  
“Yeah, sort of”  
  
“Well, if saving young trainees from the thought of shooting their pets sounds like me, then I guess there’s still hope for me to become a good Arthur”, Harry joked, but Eggsy didn’t miss the bitter intonation in his voice. The name Arthur still held a lot of bad memories that somehow managed to stick in their heads.  
  
He gripped Harry’s sleeve to stop him from walking any further and turned so he stood right in front of Harry, looking him directly in the eyes.  
  
“Hey, I don’t want to hear you talking like that. You’re already perfectly all right and besides, you have me now. If there’s even the slightest hint of you becoming all former-arthur-ish, I’ll read you the Riot Act, I promise. And don’t think I won’t notice, you now have me on your back 24/7 now, at home and at work. You’re a poor sod, now that I come to think of it”  
  
Even when the memories of the former Arthur made him angry and bitter, Eggsy still managed to make him laugh.  
  
“Well, now that you’re a proper Kingsman agent, you of course get your own house. So, you could move out of my place, if you wanted to. I mean, I get that you could want that because being with me 24/7 as you called it could be too much and-“  
  
Again, Eggsy couldn’t believe what he just heard. Did Harry still doubt that Eggsy was in it with all he’s got after all they’ve been through?  
  
“Really? You really think I’d leave now that I have my own house? I wouldn’t leave you for ten houses in the most beautiful places. When will you get it, Harry? I’ll stay, as long as you’ll have me. I thought of giving my house to my mother and Daisy. We could decorate a guestroom for us. You know, for the days when we visit them and are too lazy to go to your – our – place again.”  
  
“That sounds lovely, actually, we’ll surely find something. Our place, is it now?”  
  
Eggsy smirked coyly and looked up at Harry from under his eyelashes, which he knew was a look that always got Harry in an instant.  
  
“Well, not just yet. I also thought of redecorating your house a bit to, you know, make it a bit less yours and a bit more ours.”  
  
Harry now shot Eggsy a scandalised look that was more fake as anything else.  
  
“Redecorating my house? Now you’re really stepping over the line. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get everything together?”  
  
“Well, taking your age into account I’d say about a hundred years, old man. But if you want me to stay, that’s a sacrifice you’ll have to make.”  
  
Harry really would have like to have looked shocked or offended now, but yet again, he failed. It didn’t matter that Eggsy had called him old, or that Eggsy wanted to find new furniture. Out of everything, there was only one thing that Harry had heard. The one thing that truly mattered.  
  
“So, you’ll stay?”  
  
“As I said, as long as you’ll have me.”  
  
“That would be forever. Are you sure?”  
  
“Of course I’m sure. Forever, it is.”  
  
“Shall we go home then?”  
  
Eggsy smiled broadly at Harry, still not believing what he had done to deserve anything he’d ever wished for. A home for his mother and sister, far away from Dean, a great job, awesome new friends and colleagues and, above all, the most stunning and gorgeous man he’s ever met by his side. He made a mental note to appreciate these things every single day for the rest of his life.  
  
“Yeah. Let's go home."  
  
\--- The End ---  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it.   
> Whew, this took what felt like forever, but I'm quite happy with how this fic turned out. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who waited for the new chapters to come up and to those who made it to the end. 
> 
> Also, thanks to my lovely Beta-reader Lena, I really couldn't have done this without you!


End file.
